When I was at my heaviest, I had a hard time being happy for other’s accomplishments because it reminded me of all the things I wanted to do, but didn’t do. Selfish and Insecure? You bet ya! I tried my best to hide it. If my friend lost a bunch of weight, outwardly I would congratulate, but inwardly…I was green with envy.
I was green with envy on so many levels. There was this beautiful girl who I worked with back when I was at my heaviest. She was tall, blonde, athletic, confident, had perfect teeth, and liked to eat grapes at break time. I remember looking at her as she delicately popped a grape in her mouth and I thought, “Oh healthy grape girl, how do you get a body like that…by eating grapes?!” I was frustrated because I just didn’t get what a healthy lifestyle was all about. I judged her, envied her and convinced myself that she was just naturally born that way. I got the short end of the stick and had a bad metabolism. I wasn’t taking responsibility for the areas of my life that required change in order to be the woman I wanted to be. It was easier to believe that it was out of my control. I wore blinders for years.
You see, I’m an all or nothing type of person. If set a goal for myself, I get tunnel vision and there is nothing that will stand in my way of that goal when I put my mind to it. However, it’s all or nothing and if I can’t do it the way I want to…I often won’t do it at all. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that’s not healthy because I need a life of balance. That’s why the saying “Progress, Not Perfection” is something I think about often.
Fast forward to my losing the weight days…exercise, research, eating healthy, getting off the couch and going outside, stepping out of my comfort zone, figuring out who I was…the good and the bad. I realized that as I made positive changes in my life and as my self-confidence grew I became genuinely happy for other’s accomplishments rather than envious.
I am not proud of the fact I was so envious of others when I lacked self-confidence. I wanted to change that with every fibre of my being, but I didn’t understand that I needed to figure out who I was, rather than focussing on the accomplishments of others. I believe that when you figure out your own path, you can then truly accept, respect, and feel happy for another’s path, even if it differs from your own. Sincere acceptance of others is a true blessing!
Just because something works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for you. That’s true in all areas of life. There are many roads that one can take to arrive at the same destination.
I hold onto these personal truths:
If I want to be happy, I need to find those things in life that bring me the most happiness and let go of those things that do the opposite.
Different is interesting.
Authenticity is refreshing.
Giving is so good for the soul, especially when you want nothing in return.
Acceptance and Respect goes a long way. When you give it, you get it in return maybe not from everyone, but that’s OK. Just let that be OK. I can choose who I trust and allow into my life.
I can’t change others. I can only change ME and that’s an amazing fact of life.
A thankful heart often comes down to perception.
It feels good to let go and just be ridiculous, silly, and carefree. Not everyone has to “get” me, but I’m so thankful for those in my life that do. You are food for my soul!
It’s OK to show weakness. It’s part of the human condition and it gives others permission to show their insecurities and faults to me. And imperfect is refreshing in my eyes.
There is beauty in flaws.
The hard times become defining times and I’m thankful for them because they force me to grow and bring clarity to my life. There is beauty in the break down.
A smile and laugh is contagious.
Appreciation doesn’t mean a whole lot unless it’s sincere.
Find and continue to search for those things that make me feel full of life within. I had a moment during my workout last week when I realized the reason I love to work out is because I feel so much during the work out and feel even more when I’m done. It’s not always good feelings! Sometimes it’s full of physical pain, but make no mistake about it, I feel alive inside when I work out.
Dancing like an idiot is fun. It just is.
I will leave you with a song that my friend T. share with me that made me break out into awkward spontaneous dance. Most music videos are now restricted from playback here, so you will have to click to “Watch on YouTube”. Go ahead…dance like an idiot. It’s good for the soul. 🙂
From my heart to yours,