Confessions of a Woman

In the past I’ve blogged a couple of these posts called “Confessions of a Mom” part 1 and part 2. Today, I’ve been thinking about not just the role of Mom, but how easy it is to lose yourself in all of the roles we have. And I’m speaking of women today, because…well since I am one, that’s what I know :).  We have roles we play: that of wife, mom, daughter, friend, business owner, employee, …whatever hat you wear.

It makes me sad when we as women tear one another down, rather than lift one another up.  Why are we so hard on each other?  I am at fault for judging another woman when I know little about her.  It’s a trait I’m aware of that I’m going to throw out the door because it’s ugly and wrong.

If we as women could be truly authentic with one another, admit our weaknesses and faults, support one another and give time to lift one another up…wouldn’t that be amazing?  We would have to lose the masks though.  You know, that mask we all wear that when we need support, and don’t ask for it.  When we are struggling in an area of our lives, but we pretend it’s OK.   Of course in life, you certainly have to be careful of who you put your trust in, but even those relationships can be authentic…just bring the REAL into it.

I asked my Husband this question not long ago:  “How many people do you have in your life that you can be totally yourself around, that you aren’t aware of how you look when they come into a room (you could be in your PJ’s, sticky uppy hair, like you just got out of bed sort of look), that you can say whatever you want to them without fear of being judged or that your comment could be taken wrong, and that you are 100% authentic with?”

His Answer?  “Everyone”  and he means it!  That’s my favourite thing about him, he is exactly who he is around everyone he comes into contact with.  How refreshing is that?

My Answer to that question?:  I have less than 10 people in my life that I’m THAT comfortable around. I want to change that though.

Now, this could be because I’m a worrier.  People really don’t care as much as I think they do about what my house looks like, or that I may resemble someone who sleeps in a box without access to shower facilities at times.  And I believe a lot of it comes from the fact that we as women are hard on one another.

Have you ever been scanned by another woman’s eyes when you enter a room?  I have and I hate it!  Now, granted who knows what she’s thinking as she’s eye scanning, but it’s a form of judgement based on my outward appearance so I don’t enjoy it.

Anywhoooo, here’s where I’m going with this!  Just in case you think otherwise, I’m going to put this out there…

I am not put together.

I have many many faults.

My office is unorganized, I have so much to do for my business as far as paper work goes that I put on the back burner.  It will get it done eventually. I’m more of a deadline crisis worker.

I am self-conscious about my appearance when I meet new people..especially women.

I am a worrier.

I feel like a failure as a Mom a lot.  I know I’m a good Mom, but I still let my kids down in some area often.

I don’t tell my husband enough that I’m so grateful for how hard he works for our family.

I am selfish of my time. I like being alone. I do. If I can go for a walk by myself, I love it.

I can’t keep up with my laundry pile. A small village of people could hide under that mound some days.

I don’t show how much I love my family enough, and when I’m in a big room of people (which accompanies my large family get togethers), I try to hide. I hate large groups…the noise level gets to me.

I am insecure at times, and other times I’m quite confident. The timing is off when I’m in certain situations so I come off as bitchy.

I know that I’ve lost the weight, but my mind doesn’t always know that.  I still feel like the big girl at times.  I’m not sure how to explain this. It is what it is.

I feel overwhelmed some days with all the things that are squeezed into my day…work, kids, daily business, e-mails, I have nothing in the fridge for supper, extra-curricular activities, homework, the phone won’t stop ringing, there’s a solicitor at my door I want to flick on the forehead, etc. On those days, I want to run out of the house for a while just until that overwhelmed feeling goes away.

I exercise more for the benefits for my mind than for my body. The stress just melts away when I’m working out. The physical pain of an intense workout is real, and when I’m done, I feel on top of the world.

Now, the purpose of these confessions is not to be down on myself, but rather to put out there a few of my struggles right now.  I look at so many women who appear to have it all together and I think what’s wrong with me!  But, the blessing I have found in finding a support network of friends where we can be 100% authentic is that they have shown me that they too struggle as much as I do.

I admire so many of the women in my life, but I forget to tell them. What good does that knowledge do when it’s never said out loud to those women. I’m going to tell them! They inspire me, motivate me, make me want to be a better person…I owe it to them to let them know that.

So, my goal for the future is to be more authentic. To put out there exactly who I am. To steal a quote from Dr. Seuss:  “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Do you have a confession to share today?  Who knows, it may not only take a load off of your mind, but it may just show another woman that we are not all perfect, we all struggle, and we can support one another…even if it’s just to laugh about it over a cup of coffee.  🙂

From my heart to yours,


Mind, Body, Spirit

I was reminded this past month, that the quest for a balanced happy life full of purpose needs to involve not only the body, but the mind and spirit too.  It can’t just be about weighing X amount of pounds, or fitting into a certain size, it has to be more than that.  I’m not defined by what I weigh, my happiness doesn’t revolve around what the scale reads in the morning.

These three elements need to work together because when one area is lacking, the other two also shift as well and the balance just isn’t there.  The trick is to find what it is that feeds your mind and spirit too!  That special something that fills you with purpose, happiness, and thankfulness within.  It can be difficult because the demands of daily life often get in the way of taking time for yourself…which you need to do.  It’s not selfish to put value on yourself.  It’s essential.  When you are fulfilled within, you have so much more to give to others.

There are moments when I feel like a failure, when I let people down, when I feel completely overwhelmed, when I feel sorry for myself, when I lose track of what’s important in life.  Then there is a life changing event that occurs that snaps me back to reality and forces me to re-evaluate what life is all about.  That’s just life…you take the good with the bad. The hard times remind you how important it is to cherish the good times.

Life is all about perception.  We can choose to dwell on the things we wish we could change, the things that annoy us, the things that are hard to deal with.  It’s a part of everyone’s life!  Or we can choose to focus on all the amazing things in life to be valued and treasured; most importantly the relationships that are built on acceptance and love.  Surround yourself with people who bring you up and make you want to be a better person, and in exchange give that back in return to those you love.

At times I get caught up in the complaining game about the little things that put me out.  How selfish is that!  I am healthy. I have three healthy children. I have a warm home to live in. I have a big, funny, loving, supportive family. I have amazing friends.  I have a career where I get to document love and connection.  I have the freedom to choose to follow whatever path in life I like. What do I have to complain about?  Absolutely nothing!

Life is good and I want to live it! I want to truly experience the best of life.  I have found the most freedom in taking control of my health and changing my perceptions.  Life is a gift and it’s my responsibility to choose to live it with a heart full of gratitude.

When I go for a run, and my mind starts doubting that I can keep going or that it would be better just to park my butt on the couch, I just have to remind myself of my sister who can physically no longer run but would absolutely love to.  I CAN run. It’s a gift I take for granted. It’s all about perception.  It’s humbling when I actually stop and take stock of all the blessings in life that I take for granted.

So today I am going to take some time out of my day and go for a walk, and I’m going to use that time to count my blessings which are too numerous to count.  I am thankful for your support and the time you take to encourage me.  I want to encourage you as well to enjoy the amazing life you have been given, and to remember that you are loved, valued, and cherished.

And at the top of my iPod playlist today will be this song…

From my heart to yours,