A Note of Encouragement and Understanding

A friendly reminder to practice self-compassion and reduce your stress and expectations on yourself

We all wear many hats.

For me: Mom/Banker/Partner/Daughter/Sister/Friend/Caretaker/Bill Payer/Meal Planner/Grocery Shopper/House Cleaner/Cook/Driver/Laundry Doer… and on and on it goes.

I’m mediocre at many of these roles.

Stellar at others

interchangeable depending on the day

But you guys, this Covid-Stuff is no joke on metal health.

For ourselves, our children, our loved ones.

I have just been feeling so tapped-out in my energy, and super protective on where I give it because my day ends on fumes.

My previous standards for myself are vastly different from the standards I have today within how I conduct my life.

I need to work.

I need to pay my bills for the home my kids and I live in to feel safe and secure.

I need to feed my kids and myself. Shop frugally, batch cook so we don’t order out and actually eat some vitamins and nutrients for health.

I need to sleep 8 hours.

I need to wash the clothes we wear, and dole out the jobs where I can in my household.

I need to stay connected to my partner and our extended Brady Bunch family.

I need to communicate to my friends and family I love them, and hope they don’t take my lack of interaction as anything other than the position I’m (we are all) in. My fear is they will think I’m overdramatic because we all have our own issues and balance is illusive to most.

I feel like I’m successful and failing all at the same time. I provide stellar customer service to the best of my abilities, my kids are taken care of, I sleep like a rock most nights…immediately as soon as my head hits the pillow. I do not gym anymore, my pants are tight. I have not had a hair cut since January. I drink too much wine. I rarely socialize. I have lost touch with my friends. I can’t financially afford to do much more than skip the dishes once in a while; and project a free movie onto an at-home theatre. And go camping. Because free with fresh air and family. Couple of Dickie-birds and one stone.

I finally shared how I was feeling with a co-worker. I looked down while I talked because I thought I would cry if I met her eyes. When I finally did look her in the eye, she had this beautiful expression of understanding and care. She said a sentence I will always hold to my heart.

She said this with so much care and empathy…

“We have to wear masks all day at work; and yet we wear another mask. Thank you for sharing how you are feeling, because I thought I was the only one”

I forgot how simple a gift sharing openly with another truly is. How it immediately drops the shoulders and connects one another. How it bonds and frees all at once.

I’ve  played her words over and over in my mind since, because I don’t want to wear a mask on how I’m feeling. I want to share openly when I’m able, and give myself permission to do what is necessary for my immediate little family.  My energy needs to go there. I will practice self-compassion for the rest.

My worth is not dependant on doing all the things perfectly. To be a certain size. To always wear a smile. To pretend I’m not struggling. To give when my spirit is unable.

I will give all I have to the work I do; but when I leave I will feel all the feels.  I will breath so deeply when I finally take off my required bylaw mask. I will blare my music I love most all the way home. I will write. I will read. I will be quiet because I need that for my soul. I will not weed anymore. I will be gentle with my heart as I process missing my son.

I will always love those who are in my circle; I send out nothing but love and positivity whenever you trace the vines of memories in my brain.

That’s all I know today. I hope my co-workers words also give you permission to evaluate what’s necessary, what is for another time, and to share how you’re feeling with those you feel safe and connected to.

Be gentle with you, this is a season that will pass. Do what you have to do today to get through it.

From my heart to yours,

Christine