Confessions of a Woman

In the past I’ve blogged a couple of these posts called “Confessions of a Mom” part 1 and part 2. Today, I’ve been thinking about not just the role of Mom, but how easy it is to lose yourself in all of the roles we have. And I’m speaking of women today, because…well since I am one, that’s what I know :).  We have roles we play: that of wife, mom, daughter, friend, business owner, employee, …whatever hat you wear.

It makes me sad when we as women tear one another down, rather than lift one another up.  Why are we so hard on each other?  I am at fault for judging another woman when I know little about her.  It’s a trait I’m aware of that I’m going to throw out the door because it’s ugly and wrong.

If we as women could be truly authentic with one another, admit our weaknesses and faults, support one another and give time to lift one another up…wouldn’t that be amazing?  We would have to lose the masks though.  You know, that mask we all wear that when we need support, and don’t ask for it.  When we are struggling in an area of our lives, but we pretend it’s OK.   Of course in life, you certainly have to be careful of who you put your trust in, but even those relationships can be authentic…just bring the REAL into it.

I asked my Husband this question not long ago:  “How many people do you have in your life that you can be totally yourself around, that you aren’t aware of how you look when they come into a room (you could be in your PJ’s, sticky uppy hair, like you just got out of bed sort of look), that you can say whatever you want to them without fear of being judged or that your comment could be taken wrong, and that you are 100% authentic with?”

His Answer?  “Everyone”  and he means it!  That’s my favourite thing about him, he is exactly who he is around everyone he comes into contact with.  How refreshing is that?

My Answer to that question?:  I have less than 10 people in my life that I’m THAT comfortable around. I want to change that though.

Now, this could be because I’m a worrier.  People really don’t care as much as I think they do about what my house looks like, or that I may resemble someone who sleeps in a box without access to shower facilities at times.  And I believe a lot of it comes from the fact that we as women are hard on one another.

Have you ever been scanned by another woman’s eyes when you enter a room?  I have and I hate it!  Now, granted who knows what she’s thinking as she’s eye scanning, but it’s a form of judgement based on my outward appearance so I don’t enjoy it.

Anywhoooo, here’s where I’m going with this!  Just in case you think otherwise, I’m going to put this out there…

I am not put together.

I have many many faults.

My office is unorganized, I have so much to do for my business as far as paper work goes that I put on the back burner.  It will get it done eventually. I’m more of a deadline crisis worker.

I am self-conscious about my appearance when I meet new people..especially women.

I am a worrier.

I feel like a failure as a Mom a lot.  I know I’m a good Mom, but I still let my kids down in some area often.

I don’t tell my husband enough that I’m so grateful for how hard he works for our family.

I am selfish of my time. I like being alone. I do. If I can go for a walk by myself, I love it.

I can’t keep up with my laundry pile. A small village of people could hide under that mound some days.

I don’t show how much I love my family enough, and when I’m in a big room of people (which accompanies my large family get togethers), I try to hide. I hate large groups…the noise level gets to me.

I am insecure at times, and other times I’m quite confident. The timing is off when I’m in certain situations so I come off as bitchy.

I know that I’ve lost the weight, but my mind doesn’t always know that.  I still feel like the big girl at times.  I’m not sure how to explain this. It is what it is.

I feel overwhelmed some days with all the things that are squeezed into my day…work, kids, daily business, e-mails, I have nothing in the fridge for supper, extra-curricular activities, homework, the phone won’t stop ringing, there’s a solicitor at my door I want to flick on the forehead, etc. On those days, I want to run out of the house for a while just until that overwhelmed feeling goes away.

I exercise more for the benefits for my mind than for my body. The stress just melts away when I’m working out. The physical pain of an intense workout is real, and when I’m done, I feel on top of the world.

Now, the purpose of these confessions is not to be down on myself, but rather to put out there a few of my struggles right now.  I look at so many women who appear to have it all together and I think what’s wrong with me!  But, the blessing I have found in finding a support network of friends where we can be 100% authentic is that they have shown me that they too struggle as much as I do.

I admire so many of the women in my life, but I forget to tell them. What good does that knowledge do when it’s never said out loud to those women. I’m going to tell them! They inspire me, motivate me, make me want to be a better person…I owe it to them to let them know that.

So, my goal for the future is to be more authentic. To put out there exactly who I am. To steal a quote from Dr. Seuss:  “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Do you have a confession to share today?  Who knows, it may not only take a load off of your mind, but it may just show another woman that we are not all perfect, we all struggle, and we can support one another…even if it’s just to laugh about it over a cup of coffee.  🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine

3 thoughts on “Confessions of a Woman

  1. Oh my gosh Christine, you are so totally amazing. This entry today again is right when I need it. YOU INSPIRE ME SO MUCH. I have so many confessions, where do I start… I am struggling and feel like I am floundering. Like what is my purpose, my kids are all but grown up and the being the Mom on the run is coming to an end. I have been told by some that I am “lucky” and that I should embrace all this free time. If you want the truth I am actually scared of it…its seems like a huge looming scary black hole of the unknown…and I am hiding from it. Hiding behind food mostly too lately and its causing a down ward spiral. As I would love to lose some extra pounds still and its not going well either. Then I am super shy and I really dont have that many friends that I am completley at ease with. I would love to change that but I dont know how, i feel like a complete misfit in social settings. So i guess those are some of my confessions for today. there is way more but there is not enough space in this poor little box for them all. Thank you so much for all that you put out here for us to read and learn from. I am so grateful for what is here i find it a life line at times.
    Hugs
    Margaret

  2. Your post’s alway’s make me smile Christine! If only we as Woman could all stick together and share our good day’s and bad, our happiness and sorrow, we have big job’s and how great it be to know that no one would ever judge us as we be try to be the best Woman we can be!

    My Confession:
    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it when my Kid’s don’t have school. No…it isn’t because I cry from lonliness all day long and can’t stand being away from them. It is REALLY because sending them to school is soooo much work! I have to make sure there homework is done, there agenda’s are read, there notes are signed and money sent! I have to make sure they get to bed at a decent time, I have to make there lunches, make sure there clothes are clean, there teeth are brushed, there hair is washed and brushed, there faces are clean, there finger nails are cut. Fight about wearing the proper outer wear, make sure they don’t miss the bus. ohhhh and the hardest part….finding matching sock’s every single day five day’s a Week! ugggghhhhh! I love it when they have day’s off, it so relaxing…but probably a good thing they get to go to school or they would be stinky creatures and have a hard time making friend’s!

  3. I meant to reply to your comments long ago! Thank you Margaret and Tina for your honesty! It’s refreshing, and I can relate (especially to the finding matching socks five days a week.) I too enjoy when the kids have no school. ha ha

    Margaret, each time I think about how you are struggling with letting go of your kids as they move out, I realize that because I’m in a stage of life where life is so busy with kids…I need to remember to enjoy this stage because one day they’ll have lives of their own! Thank you for sharing that insight. I sure appreciate it. 🙂

    Much love girls, you are amazing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s