Tough Time Finding Words

The story you tell about yourself becomes the life you live! If u want a different life begin telling a new story! #The Daily Love

I’m finally at a loss for words!!! ha ha   I never thought that would happen!

I recently attended the PPOC Exposure Photography Symposium.  It was an incredible week-end.  Each of the 4 days were filled with learning, connecting, and reflection.  There were 4 amazing speakers…check out their work if you are interested in photography (or even if you’re not!)  Chris Keating, Tyler Meade, Scott Robert Lim,  and Dane Sanders.

So why am I posting what I have learned at a photography symposium on my Reclaiming Life blog?

Because…

it

touched

my

heart

The mood in the room changed with each day we shared together and we became more of a community.  Dane Sanders was the speaker on the final day.  The tag line on his website reads “Discover what’s inside” and I now have a clear understanding that that is exactly what he does for the people he connects with .  From the start of the day he encouraged us to “go all in”, to commit (because opportunities pass!) and to participate in the discussion.   With each moment that passed, and with each person that had the courage to share their story, I could feel people letting their guard down.   I listened to others share why they got into photography.  Everyone has a story, and it touched my heart to hear each story that was shared.  Throughout the day, he also encouraged us to share a declaration if we had any sort of revelation after taking in all the info.

I did have a revelation, but sadly I did not have any plans to share it!   Wouldn’t you know it, my hand shot up before my mind caught up to it.  You see, I don’t speak in public…unless I have to (I’m taken right back to the 4H speaking days) so I guess my heart felt I HAD to share.

So here is what I realized that day.  While I can’t remember exactly what I shared because I was so emotional, it was something like this…

My name is Christine and I spent many years weighing 250 pounds.  For years I felt invisible and was scared to face my weight issue.  I woke up one day and decided to change my life.  I quit my job and spent a year working on myself.  There was a moment when I still weighed in the 200’s that I realized I was going to get to my goal weight.  There was no doubt in my mind.  I was going to do it.  I have realized that I still feel 250 pounds when it comes to my photography.

Along with these words came a steady flow of tears.  I shared that insight with 100+ other photographers in the room…most of whom I didn’t know, but who’s work I admire so much.  It was tough being vulnerable, but I felt completely safe sharing in that room and I was not alone in my tears.  There is something that happens when people let their guard down…you enter into a Real and Authentic relationship.

What came next after sharing my ‘lil revelation, was something I wasn’t prepared for.   I had a hard time taking it in.  Dane asked me to close my eyes while he shared uplifting words he saw within me.  I cried all the way through them.  Words like Strong and Inspirational.

You see, even though I no longer weigh 250ish pounds, I am stuck back there in my mind from time to time.  I KNOW what the scale says, and I can see that my clothes are no longer a size 20.  I can obviously see that, but my mind is often stuck back at 250.  It is the story that I’ve been telling my mind that is holding me back.

How does it feel to be stuck in that place?  It feels defeating.  It’s a place that lacks drive because fear comes first. It’s a place of self-doubt, “I can’t do it”, and maybe tomorrow.  Opportunities pass that should be pursued but I convince myself that taking risks isn’t worth the feeling of defeat if I fail.   Saying it out loud makes me realize how ridiculous it is to waste any amount of time in that negative place.

I  realized that the story I’ve been telling my mind is a lie and this lie has translated into choices in my life or rather lack of positive choices!   I am no longer holding back on living my life because of fear.  I have realized that by sharing both my struggles and successes that it gives others permission to share their story with me as well.  It brings forward relationships that are built on authenticity, honesty, and acceptance.

My story isn’t built on the foundation of fear because what starts in fear, ends in joy.

No more excuses.

No more waiting for positive things to come to me, I am going to just be positive.  I have learned that when you put positive out, positive will come in!

I have learned that it does make a difference when you take the time to lift someone’s spirit.

Some food for thought for your Friday:

What is the story you are telling your mind about yourself?

What would happen if we changed that story to one that is all about power, positivity, strength, and the unyielding drive to truly live the life we want!

What if we actually BELIEVED it to be true, and focused all our energies on all the things we are truly gifted at rather than the areas we struggle with?

Why waste any amount of time holding ourselves back from the dreams that are right there for the taking if we commit, go all in, and go after them?

From my heart to yours,

Christine

p.s. Thank you Dane! You have given me a gift that I plan on sharing with others.  Life is good.  🙂

6 thoughts on “Tough Time Finding Words

  1. I still have tears in my eyes and that feeling like something is stuck in my throat…I don’t even know where to begin in my response….I do know that I never felt good enough to be good at anything so I never really put my whole heart into anything I did just for me, why bother when you don’t feel your worth it. I am thanking photography and all the people involved for helping me break out of my shell. Christine you are always the one pushing me to go further and you are giving me such positive support that I am not scared to do the best I can and be proud of it. I know how hard it was for you to share your story with so many other people in the room but you also made them feel like they could do the same. That is how barriers are broken and people come together. I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished and I know that you are going to continue to shine. So thank you for being my inspiration. Lots of love. Linda

  2. I love that you had such a powerful, personal moment and that your instincts allowed you to share it not only with a roomful of photographers but with your friends, too. You ARE brave and strong and inspirational and beautiful and passionate… I think about you, and I think “I can’t wait to see what comes next!”.

  3. Christine – you also have a great gift with words.

    I have to share this with you – and truly it is because of the experiences that weekend (the little bit of time I spent hearing Dane was incredible – wish it was longer) :

    I can be quite insecure ( different reasons than yours, but they hold me back) …. I mean, they HELD me back.

    I heard about an informal gathering of some photographers last week – I knew none of them. (An open door – temp. opportunity.) It was so scary, but I went anyways and made some friends.

    I actually am going to come assist another photographer tomorrow – get this – at a launch for a fashion magazine at the new Art Gallery. So completely up my alley and such an exciting adventure! … all because I went “all in” through that door.

    I put myself out there – yes it was uncomfortable at first, but the outcome was unbelievable (so much better than staying home editing in front of the computer all night!)

    BTW Christine – I had my ‘Spirit session’ this afternoon. Thank you for your suggestions.

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