Author: Christine

Today’s Woman: The Non-Airbrushed Variety

Published on by Christine14 Comments

I was surfing the web and came across a couple of photos of celebrities who were featured on magazine covers.  These covers have obviously been airbrushed.

Kelly Clarkson’s cover caused quite the controversy back in 2009.  “My happy weight changes,” Clarkson says in the September issue of SELF. “Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more. I’ll be different sizes all the time. When people talk about my weight, I’m like, ‘You seem to have a problem with it; I don’t. I’m fine!’ I’ve never felt uncomfortable on the red carpet or anything.”  Yet, her cover was obviously airbrushed which I believe she had little control over.

Editor-in-chief of Self Magazine, Lucy Danziger defended the magazine cover. People reports:

“Yes. Of course we do retouching,” Danziger writes in a post on Self.com. “Did we alter her appearance? Only to make her look her personal best.”
Calling Clarkson “the picture of confidence,” Danzinger writes, “I think this photo is the truest we have ever put out there on the newsstand.”

What?! “Only to make her look her personal best”…are you kidding me?  How is this her personal best if she doesn’t ACTUALLY look this way?!  What a crock! Am I supposed to stare at these magazine covers and wish I looked just like them?  If so, I best be opening my Photoshop folks, cause it’s going to take a lot of airbrushing.

I am a Mom of 3. I have a daughter. The idea that the media promotes airbrushed images as a standard of “beauty” is disturbing.  These images are not even REAL. Models are expected to fit a size 0. In reality, the vast majority of today’s women are not a size 0.  I feel an immense responsibility to show my daughter what the true measure of beauty is, and it comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  At the same time, I also want to show my daughter what a healthy lifestyle is all about.  A lifestyle of balance, activity, and healthy natural foods. Of course there is always room to enjoy a little dessert too…balance. 🙂

Here is my reality.  I will be turning 35 years old next month.  I have 3 children, and I’ve had 3 c-sections.  The heaviest I have ever been was the day I gave birth to my second son, which happens to be 122 pounds heavier than I am today.  I started the path to lose the weight a few months after I had my second son. From the day I officially made the decision to live a healthier lifestyle, I weighed in at 242 pounds.  Today, I am 150 pounds which means I have lost 92 pounds.

Because of this fact, I have stretch marks and I have extra skin. There is nothing, short of plastic surgery, that will change that. It doesn’t matter how much I work out…you can’t work off extra skin.

Again, I’m going to do something completely out of my comfort zone but I’m going to post a picture of MY belly. The belly that carried around my beautiful kids. At times I am self-conscious. But, in posting this I hope to be less self-conscious…if that makes sense. Because it’s real. It’s obviously not airbrushed. It’s who I am. You can see the lines of my 3 babies who I loved before they were even born and who I dreamed about before they were even conceived. This tummy is a story of where I’ve come from and where I am today.

When I went to Jamaica, I never thought I would actually wear a bikini on the beach. What amazed me when I got there, was that the sunbathers on the beach didn’t care what their bodies looked like. In fact, I actually felt completely at peace with my body. I felt good about myself.

This has been on my mind a lot lately as at times I look in the mirror and pick apart the areas of my body I wish I could change.  Then I snap out of it when I remember that my goal through changing my lifestyle is to be HEALTHY. To be vibrant, full-of-energy, and to hold within my heart a zest for life which involves the mind, body and spirit.

I have spent far too much time in my past struggling to accept the person that I truly am. It’s time to let go and just embrace it. I’m not defined by the size of clothes I wear, or the number on the scale. That really has nothing to do with who I am.

My perspective today is that…

Confidence is beautiful.

Authenticity is beautiful.

Vulnerability and honesty are beautiful.

Sincerity is beautiful.

We are not perfect like the airbrushed Magazine covers, but perfection isn’t reality and thank God for that.

Perfectly Imperfect. We are who we are. View yourself through the eyes of those who love you most.

Be kind to yourself.

Love.

Acceptance.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

A Tribute to my Sister

Published on by Christine6 Comments

A few times through out my blog, I have mentioned my sister Janice. She has Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and has lived with this horrible disease for many years.  Today, she has limited mobility and has a hard time remembering recent events. Ask her about our childhood, and she remembers everything. At family gatherings, she loves to be where the action is. Because of how MS has affected her mind, the anger she’d carried with her for years as her MS was progressively worsening, has now turned into a state of happiness (for lack of a better term).  She laughs a lot when we are together, and I’m not sure if she realizes the full extent of what has happened to her mind.

I see my sister as two separate people now. The Janice before MS (and at the beginning stages of MS), and Janice now…after years of living with MS.

Below: I took this photo in August of 2010. I love this photo because her eyes hold so much joy and compassion.

Because many people see Janice as she is now, they forget or don’t know who Janice was before the MS.

I want you to know who Janice was when she had her health.  I am not taking away from the amazing parts of who Janice is today…I just want to pay tribute to the amazing woman Janice was when I was growing up.  When I say she “had” or she “was”, there are still parts of that personality that lives within Janice.  But I need to use these words because MS has taken so much from Janice.

Janice was full of energy and she loved people. She didn’t like being alone, she always surrounded herself with lots of people. She had a selfless giving heart. She volunteered often within her kid’s school, her community, and her church.  I remember going to visit her in Fox Creek. When I arrived, she showed me to my room. She had purchased magazines she thought I would enjoy, bought me flowers, and had bought all the fixings for home-made subs. We built them together as my nephews played in the living room. She had the whole week-end mapped out with lots of activities which included nightly and morning walks. She loved to walk, she loved to run.

She lived for her boys, for her husband, and for God. She was uplifting and encouraging….always encouraging. She was empathetic and sympathetic.  She was quick to tears if she saw another hurting.  She laughed a lot. She smiled a lot. She talked a lot. ha ha! She used to ask me and my sisters to follow her around the house as she worked so she had someone to talk to. When I think about the sister I knew growing up, I see Janice with a huge smile. A vivacious woman who was always on the run. She loved every minute of that hectic lifestyle as she always gave so much of herself to others without ever expecting one thing in return.

She lived life with so much joy and an infectious energy.  She definitely was an energy-giver.

She loved to bake. She worked in a bakery for a while, and made the most delicious cakes. She made special birthday cakes for her boys, with intricate piping.

She also knows sign language (and to this day she remembers). She worked with hearing impaired youth.  She was also a teacher’s assistant as well.

She lived for others, not for herself. The reason I felt compelled to tell you about Janice today, was because as I was looking through old boxes in storage downstairs, I came across this letter. She wrote it to me in the days after I was dealing with the traumatic event that happened at camp when I was a teenager (click here to read about the event I’m referring to).

When I found this letter, it was like finding a treasure. To read the words of Janice before she had MS was amazing.  It broke my heart to read that she was asking me for forgiveness for the relationship issues we had growing up. There were years in between us, and because of this we grew up at different times, but I was the one that should have been asking for forgiveness. I was a bratty, angry teen. Forgive me Janice, I always looked up to you and respected you. You always showed me love and support. You had, and continue to have a huge part in shaping who I am.  Today, when I go for a run I think of you. I think of how you loved to run and how you would give anything to be able to run again.  Thank you for all you have taught me about life.

We all have times when we take our health for granted. My sister has taught me to never take it for granted. If you can run, then run. If you can walk, then walk. If you can share, then share.

If you can raise your children with the freedom of having your health and you are able to teach them, show them love, and how to live a life full of joy…then teach, love, and live with a grateful heart.

Below: Janice, August 2000.

I love you Janice.

Before I hit publish on this post, I phoned Janice and had a nice chat. I’m thankful for the relationship we have today…full of love, laughter, and respect. I read her the letter I found and she said through laughter “That was a nice letter I wrote you Chris, wasn’t it?!”  Yes it was my dear sister. Thank you.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Motivation by way of Goals

Published on by Christine2 Comments

“Goals.There’s not telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There’s no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There’s no telling what will happen when you act upon them.” 
Jim Rohn

The times in my life when I have felt the most alive and inspired have been when I set an attainable goal and focussed my energy on reaching it.

Setting goals inspires motivation. Without clear goals set, there is no direction. I had forgotten this simple truth! I had been going through my workouts last month dragging my heels. Now that I’m at my goal weight, the motivation to continue on this path is a struggle sometimes, because my goal was to reach a certain weight.

This is a lifestyle, and in order to continue working out and eating healthy I need to set goals along the way…benchmarks to work towards.  It took me awhile to reach the goal of running 5K several times a week, but now that I’m here…it’s not a challenge anymore.  I needed a new challenge. Recently I set a goal to run a 5K in under 30 minutes. For me, this was a tough-to-reach goal as my comfort zone lies within a slow jog at this point.  Seriously people, at the running track  it is not uncommon to get passed by a power walker.

After setting the goal of running 5K in under 30, I woke up every morning excited to work out. Would today be the day I would reach the goal?  When I wanted to stop or slow down, I knew I had to press on because I wouldn’t allow myself to have a slower result than the day before.  I shared my goal with others so I was accountable. When I reached my goal, I was so happy! 5K in 29:31.  Within a few minutes after reaching it, I thought: Huh, now what…time to set a new goal.

My new goal is to run a 9 minute mile, and then to sustain it for 5 K.  I’ve also started strength training again using Jari Love’s “Get Ripped” DVDs three times a week so I can build some muscle in my un-muscley arms and legs. Good-bye Grover arms (except my grover arms come with an under-arm waddle).

Do you have a goal you are working towards?  If you don’t, I want to encourage you to set one today and enjoy the process of working towards reaching it.  If your goal is a big one, split it up into small goals and enjoy the pride when you reach each small goal along the way. Small changes & small steps, add up and produce huge results in the long run.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

The Road from Envy to Acceptance

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When I was at my heaviest, I had a hard time being happy for other’s accomplishments because it reminded me of all the things I wanted to do, but didn’t do. Selfish and Insecure? You bet ya! I tried my best to hide it. If my friend lost a bunch of weight, outwardly I would congratulate, but inwardly…I was green with envy.

I was green with envy on so many levels. There was this beautiful girl who I worked with back when I was at my heaviest. She was tall, blonde, athletic, confident, had perfect teeth, and liked to eat grapes at break time.  I remember looking at her as she delicately popped a grape in her mouth and I thought, “Oh healthy grape girl, how do you get a body like that…by eating grapes?!”  I was frustrated because I just didn’t get what a healthy lifestyle was all about.  I judged her, envied her and convinced myself that she was just naturally born that way. I got the short end of the stick and had a bad metabolism.  I wasn’t taking responsibility for the areas of my life that required change in order to be the woman I wanted to be. It was easier to believe that it was out of my control. I wore blinders for years.

You see, I’m an all or nothing type of person.  If set a goal for myself, I get tunnel vision and there is nothing that will stand in my way of that goal when I put my mind to it. However, it’s all or nothing and if I can’t do it the way I want to…I often won’t do it at all.  Unfortunately, I have come to realize that’s not healthy because I need a life of balance.  That’s why the saying “Progress, Not Perfection” is something I think about often.

Fast forward to my losing the weight days…exercise, research, eating healthy, getting off the couch and going outside, stepping out of my comfort zone, figuring out who I was…the good and the bad. I realized that as I made positive changes in my life and as my self-confidence grew I became genuinely happy for other’s accomplishments rather than envious.

I am not proud of the fact I was so envious of others when I lacked self-confidence. I wanted to change that with every fibre of my being, but I didn’t understand that I needed to figure out who I was, rather than focussing on the accomplishments of others.  I believe that when you figure out your own path, you can then truly accept, respect, and feel happy for another’s path, even if it differs from your own.  Sincere acceptance of others is a true blessing!

Just because something works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for you.  That’s true in all areas of life. There are many roads that one can take to arrive at the same destination.

I hold onto these personal truths:

If I want to be happy, I need to find those things in life that bring me the most happiness and let go of those things that do the opposite.

Different is interesting.

Authenticity is refreshing.

Giving is so good for the soul, especially when you want nothing in return.

Acceptance and Respect goes a long way. When you give it, you get it in return maybe not from everyone, but that’s OK.  Just let that be OK. I can choose who I trust and allow into my life.

I can’t change others. I can only change ME and that’s an amazing fact of life.

A thankful heart often comes down to perception.

It feels good to let go and just be ridiculous, silly, and carefree. Not everyone has to “get” me, but I’m so thankful for those in my life that do. You are food for my soul!

It’s OK to show weakness. It’s part of the human condition and it gives others permission to show their insecurities and faults to me.  And imperfect is refreshing in my eyes.

There is beauty in flaws.

The hard times become defining times and I’m thankful for them because they force me to grow and bring clarity to my life.  There is beauty in the break down.

A smile and laugh is contagious.

Appreciation doesn’t mean a whole lot unless it’s sincere.

Get Real.

Find and continue to search for those things that make me feel full of life within. I had a moment during my workout last week when I realized the reason I love to work out is because I feel so much during the work out and feel even more when I’m done.  It’s not always good feelings! Sometimes it’s full of physical pain, but make no mistake about it, I feel alive inside when I work out.

Dancing like an idiot is fun. It just is.

I will leave you with a song that my friend T. share with me that made me break out into awkward spontaneous dance. Most music videos are now restricted from playback here, so you will have to click to “Watch on YouTube”.  Go ahead…dance like an idiot. It’s good for the soul. 🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Love Lives within the Memories

Published on by Christine4 Comments

The night before my father’s surgery, I could tell there was so  much on his mind that he couldn’t put into words.  It was late, we were all tired, and he stood up and announced he had to go to bed.  As we made our way down to the kitchen, he looked at my sister, my mom, and me and said: “I need you to help me write a will.”

We sat down together at the kitchen table, and my sister wrote as he expressed his wishes.  We understood that this was something that he needed to do as he was about to go into surgery and there are always risks with any surgery.  He wondered aloud just how detailed he should get.

But it brought forward some important reminders as I watched him struggle with what to include in his last will and testament.  I stood up and walked to the kitchen and pulled off a small little bear that sits by my windowsill.  I showed him the bear and told him this was my memory of  Grandma Perkins.

It’s not the bear itself that holds value, but rather the memory of my Grandma within it.  When I look at it, I can remember where it sat in her kitchen and the entire picture of her kitchen floods my mind…building detail the longer I hold onto that memory. It’s where she spent most of her time: cooking Sunday dinners of Roast Beef, potatoes, peas, the best brown gravy, and a Cherry or an Apple Pie for dessert.  I can remember her washing dishes with this little bear hanging off to the side of the sink. I can remember playing card games with her at the kitchen table. I can remember the progression of her smile when she looked at us Grandkids, a small glint of joy that transformed into an all out grin that held so much love and pride.

The bear is  meaningful to me, because my Grandmother created that memory for me.  She told me it was special, and would let me hold it once and awhile, but it always had to be returned to its home above the sink.  Now the bear lives above my sink and I tell my kids the same thing.

I was reminded of how important it is to create unique memories for my kids. I need to slow down. I need to focus on relationships.

What I value and hold dear about my father lives within summer holidays where we sit around a fire. It’s within the hour before the sun sets when we raid his raspberry patch.  It’s within the conversations we have while doing rounds in the combine at Harvest. It lives within his laughter when he gets a kick out of something.

Sometimes I lose track of what is truly important in life.  A big part of Reclaiming my life means finding balance within the mind, body, and soul so I can be the very best Mom I can be.  When you love yourself, it is then that you can truly love others and you can give without expectations of anything in return.  Life is about giving, loving, dreaming, growing, sharing, and moving forward.

It’s true that the important things in life aren’t things at all.

This was something that was on my heart this morning, so I thought I would share it with you.  Life is good.  My focus for this year will be on those I love, and I pray that I always remember to give more than I take.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

That Feeling

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A dear friend of mine whom I’ve known and loved for years, asked me how I got to the point of where I am today of keeping the weight off.  I’ve always described to her that it’s a feeling, a stat-of-being that I can’t put my finger on and it’s difficult to describe through words, but you’ll know it when you get there.  It’s not a formula of exactly what to eat and how much to exercise.  It comes from within.

I’ve watched her transform as well over the past year.  She’s growing and changing and it’s been amazing to witness.  As we talked on the phone yesterday, she described to me how powerful she felt, how she felt self-respect, and self-confidence and didn’t quite know how she arrived there, but she felt it.  Eureka!  She’s there!  It was one of those moments that happen in life that you know you will always remember.  She’s on her own path of self-discovery!

That moment happened for me when I still had quite a lot of weight to lose.  I was still in the 200’s, but I knew with all of my being that I would reach my goal weight and keep it off this time.  I may have been far from my goal, but I already felt like I had arrived.  It was just a matter of time. Over my 20’s I had tried quite a few ways to lose the weight, but none of them felt sustainable and my drive and desire gave way to defeat.  Which, in turn gave way to eating more, moving less, and gaining even more weight than before.

So how can I explain the difference this time around?  The big change for me was that the positives of getting this part of my life under control outweighed the negatives of staying as I was. I was miserable, uncomfortable in my own body, and lacked self-confidence.  The drive and desire came from a place of refusing to no longer live life like I had in the past.

I truly didn’t feel strong enough to tackle what I knew would be a huge undertaking to lose 90 plus pounds, so I didn’t view it that way.  I set out a range of goal weights, the first being under 200, then second being 185, the third being 170, and finally the last goal weight of 165.  My weight just naturally settled at 150 by way of my lifestyle.

There are many ways you can choose to eat and exercise. I LOATHED exercising at one time, because I didn’t feel anything within.  It was just a chunk of time that I sweated my butt off, but I hated every minute of it.  It was that way at the beginning of my journey as well, but this time I forced through it because my mind was clear on my goals and my desire to move forward was strong.  There was no more excuses, no more “I’ll deal with it later”.

Before I knew it (it truly doesn’t take long), I could feel my mind and body getting stronger.  I was more coordinated.  I was more confident.  The negative inner banter fizzled away and was replaced with positive, because didn’t I deserve to be the woman I always wanted to be?

The mind is the most powerful tool, and to me it’s the one factor between success or failure towards a goal of any kind.  There’s no room for “I can’t”, or “maybe tomorrow”.  The time is right now because you say so.  When you change those thought patters, the weight will come off, make no mistake about it.

I’m not sure if I articulated what that feeling is, but I will tell you this…It’s amazing!  It transfers into all areas of life.  It turns the discouraged into the encouraged. But one of the greatest rewards is it turns one into an encourager of others.  Recently a friend told me I had the gift of encouragement (thank you!). I never looked at it that way before, but it truly is important to me to encourage and lift up others as I will always remember what it felt like to be stuck in a place where I didn’t feel that within.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Live and Let Live

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I usually run from conflict. I hate it.  Conflict gives me hives. It’s a part of life however, and you can’t always run from it.  Sometimes friends have a difference of opinion that they are both equally passionate about, but that doesn’t mean you love them any less.

I’m struggling how to write this post, because I do respect other’s beliefs and opinions.  I have very concrete beliefs and opinions myself.  But I do hope you all know that this blog is not about forcing my opinions onto others.  This blog is just a collections of insights and life lessons I’ve learned over the past 7 years as I worked to lose the weight and to keep it off.  This blog is not a platform for my faith.  I respect that we all have our own belief systems.

Having said that, I want you to know that I choose to Live and Let Live.

I don’t care who you love, what you look like, or what faith you are.  I accept my friends just the way they are and I won’t attempt to change your beliefs which are as sacred to you as my beliefs are to me.  That’s not to say I don’t have conversations about a difference of beliefs with my friends, but it usually evolves organically with a mutual respect for where the other is coming from.

This blog is about Reclaiming MY Life.  My intention with sharing these insights has always been to encourage and uplift others who may have similar struggles as I do.  I have chosen to show  not only the positive side of my life, but also some of the struggles and trials of my life as well.

Now, let me tell you it’s not easy to show vulnerability and sometimes it kinda feels like I forgot to put pants on in the morning and I only realized it while standing in the mirror department of Wal-Mart.  But, the reason I show that side is I don’t want you to think that my life is full of roses and sunshine since I lost the weight.  It’s not.  I’ve also experienced times in my life when I looked at another  woman and thought: what’s wrong with me, how is she so put together and I’m not!?

When I was at my heaviest I used to think “if only I could be thin, THEN I would be happy.”  Guess what, when I lost the weight I learned that although some of my struggles may have changed, I still had (and still have) a lot to deal with.

I realized that I put on the weight not just because I liked food, but also for protection as well.  I liked feeling invisible for many different reasons.  I didn’t voice my opinions, I chose to stay silent and didn’t really get to know others all that well.

I had to relearn what it is to share, to open up, to be vulnerable, to show my weakness, and my insecurities.  I am flawed, but I am not broken.  We are all flawed and imperfect.  That is what it is to be human.

The greatest blessing I have felt since sharing however, is it has given those that know me (and some that don’t know me…which is awesome) permission to do the same, because they know they are safe to do so.

So my opinion is to Live and Let Live.  You may not share the same outlook on life, and that’s absolutely your right.  But, since this is my blog, and I chose what I write about…I will say it once more…

Live and Let Live.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

The Most Real Post I’ve Ever Published

Published on by Christine12 Comments

My first post of 2011.

What should I write.

“The New Year is a time where we take stock of last year’s hurdles, and resolve to move forward” Delete, delete, delete

“2010 was a great year, and I look forward to 2011 having learned…” Delete, delete, delete

Here’s the truth.

2010 was not a good year for me.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over, I’ve never looked forward to a New Year more.

I can’t look back at 2010 without being thankful for everything I learned however.  I reread a few posts from last year, and what struck me most was that I know how I was feeling when I wrote many of those posts, and at times it didn’t match up to what I wrote.  When I wrote to let the happy in, I was struggling to find happiness. Many of the posts felt like pep talks to myself, as I was dealing with struggles, conflicts, and loss (I can’t find the right word).

Having said that, I do wholehearted feel everything I write, but through loss it’s hard to cling to the positive and LIVE it.  Last year I felt loss over many areas of my life…within important relationships and also through the news of my father’s cancer diagnosis.  When I say loss, I mean that I lost a way of life/an outlook that I felt comfortable in.  I have reinvented many areas of my life, but change occurred slowly and on my terms. Life never presented quite so many hurdles as 2010 did.

I don’t mean to be dramatic, but it was a year of high highs and low lows.  I often felt like I was pretending to be happy when in reality there were many points throughout the year where I was far from it. Now, I say “was” because I’m taking big steps towards inner peace and happiness.  I’m making changes and I’m going to stop ignoring those things in life that I need to deal with as they feel intimidating.

One of those areas is my photography.  There is much to do when you are talking photography as a business.  In the past I’ve viewed it as a hobby. I can’t do that anymore.  It has taken me years to call myself a Photographer.  I used to say “I take photos on the side”.  I had a hard time putting value on myself as a photographer, because I was forever comparing my skills to others who have spent years on their craft. I compared my worst to their best.  It strips away the fact that we all grow as we work. We don’t start off great…the greatest things in life are those you work hard at.  It doesn’t come easy, and it’s not supposed to. I need to put value on my time because time is precious…this much I’ve learned over the past year.

I have to also add that 2010 wasn’t all bad.  There was a lot of happiness too and friendships found which grew through acceptance within the year.  And, as a dear friend pointed out to me, there was much laughter which came through the tears.  She also shared with me this quote: “The hardest place I’ve ever stood is the strongest place I’ll ever stand”.

I can’t wear a mask anymore, meaning I am focussed on just being who I am and learning to accept the good with the bad. Positivity doesn’t always come naturally to me, but I need to focus on the positive.  I need to feel pride. There will always be negative in everyone’s life…I know that.  But, last year I admitted to very few that I was struggling and that on many days I lived with a forced smile.  Why did I think I couldn’t be real with those that love me most?  When I finally did share some of my struggles with friends I felt close to, they also shared their struggles with me.  I don’t believe one should share everything with all, but we all have special people in our lives that we can share life’s challenges with.

I’m going to do something completely out of my nature (insert panic attack here).  A few days ago, I published this post.   https://reclaiminglife.wordpress.com/2010/12/29/new-year-new-state-of-mind/ It wasn’t a good day for me, I was dealing with a lot at the time. After I published the post, I accidentally clicked the “photo booth” icon on my Mac (it’s an application that takes your photo from the inner camera on the screen).  Without meaning to, I clicked the red button that takes your photo while I was attempting to close out of the application, and this is what I captured.

It shocked me that I looked so sad but I decided not to delete it as it truly captured how I was feeling at that exact moment…it wasn’t pretty, but it was real.

The whole reason I gained 90 plus pounds over the course of a few years is because I didn’t allow myself to feel that, I used food as comfort.  Now that I no longer use food in that way, I’m forced to feel it, have myself a little pity party and then move on.  I often turn to exercise to get me through the tough times, as there is no better way to deal with pain in a positive way. There is always good that comes out of the bad, but I can’t pretend that life is great all the time, because it’s not.  I will always have choices however, and to get through a year that carried with it a lot of sadness and come out of it with a lot of positive and the desire to live with a zest for life is something that fills me with gratitude.

Make no mistake about it, I will always look for the silver lining. I just need to allow those I love to see my weakness and struggles because that’s how you build authentic relationships.  You let the real in.  There is such freedom when you let go of the control over how other’s may or may not perceive you.  As another dear friend wrote on her status the other day “(she’s) going into this New Year being true to herself. You cannot move forward or build sustainable, worthy relationships of value if you start off on false pretences. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but at least you’ll know what kind of tea you’re getting.” Wonderfully put my friend, and you absolutely are my cup of tea.

Life is good to its core, but you have to fight to move forward sometimes.  You have to make choices towards the bigger picture of living a life of pride and happiness.  That is what this new year means to me, so I welcome it with open arms.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

New Year, New State of Mind.

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I’m editing a set of photos from the “Beauty from Within” project I shot before Christmas (click here if you wish to view the photos). It’s an amazing project where the girls are shown that the true measure of beauty comes from within.

As I was editing the photos, I realized that my frame of mind in regards to my own body image isn’t the greatest at the moment. Christmas was filled with amazing food!  I certainly had my fill and after days of over-indulgence I was down about it.  Guess what my friends, the amazing foods that accompany Christmas is a great part of life!

Balance.

I started back to my workout routine yesterday, but what I realized as I was trying to channel inner strength to finish a 5K run, is that my mind was clearing with ever laboured step I took.

I felt inner strength that had escaped me since my last workout. There it is…the power of a great workout, it just clears the mind!

During that workout, I had the clarity of mind to remember that with the New Year usually comes a panic to make resolutions and goals.  The trap that comes with New Year resolutions, is that they can be extreme and hard to maintain as part of a daily lifestyle.

With that said, this year I’m resolving to shift my focus to a state of mind brought to me by the amazing women and girls from the “Beauty From Within” project.

Beauty from Within.  It’s not about fitting into a pair of jeans, or worrying about bathing suit season as I have in the past.  For me, it’s about using exercise for clarity, inner pride, and peace of mind.  It’s about viewing food as fuel.  It’s about finding those things that bring pride and joy into my life.  A world of positive, I cans, and I wills. It’s about authentic relationships built on acceptance and support.

I also realized that little changes can produce big results if they are carried out consistently. It’s a lifestyle…meaning, it’s carried with you through out your life.

I would encourage you as the New Year approaches to take away the panic to lose “X” amount of pounds or to be a certain size so you can work on the outer appearance.  Instead, focus on using exercise and healthy eating to build up your pride and peace within.  Focus on the amazing balance that comes from positive changes that affect the three elements: Your Mind, Body, and Soul.   Enjoy the ride and the pride that accompanies each positive step forward to a healthy and happy life.

Progress, not Perfection.

Happy New Year from my Heart to Yours,

Christine

Insights from my Dad

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I just got off the phone with my Dad.  He’s back home on the farm, and has lots of help with his cattle and chores. While we talked, three neighbours beeped in on the line to talk to him, as well as a “lovely Hutterite lady” who Dad said probably wanted to sell him something. He wondered out loud what he could purchase from her…maybe a blanket.

I’ve never had the opportunity to hear first-hand insights from someone I love that has gone through something as life altering as cancer. I stopped everything I was doing, sat down, and really listened.

This is what I learned from my Dad today, and it is written in my Dad’s voice.

“You go through something like this, you begin to heal, and you think what am I doing this all for?  I don’t need much.  All the things that were so important that I have, I realize I don’t really need them.”

He also has a new understanding of what my sister struggles with daily as she lives with MS, and he realizes what a lonely world it is when you are at home dealing with health issues.  He’s taking the time to slow down and to take the support and love others have given.

As Christmas approaches, it’s easy to get caught up in the material part of Christmas where I am on the quest to find the perfect gifts for loved ones. I will shamefully tell you in fact, that I’m going to start the bulk of my Christmas shopping tomorrow.  For some reason, I just can’t get into the swing of things this year, but mainly because I don’t want to go into busy malls and join the other frenzied shoppers.  Rather than obsessing about the gift I find, I want to be conscious of the actual act of giving with a spirit of gratitude.

After talking to Dad, I have a new appreciation for the events that surround Christmas. Tomorrow is the school Christmas concert for my younger two.  Now that my oldest is in Jr. High, I realize these next few years are the last of the Christmas concerts!

Christmas is a magical time of year for kids. The excitement they bring into the season is infectious.

I am so thankful to God for my Dad’s healing, and for all the new insights he has brought forward. I am really looking forward to spending time with family and friends this year. I’m going to slow down, take the time to visit, and take it all in. This year marks something different for me! I come from a large family, so potluck is the way we roll and we usually travel to Vermilion for Christmas. However, this year we are spending Christmas day in Leduc, and I am cooking my very first complete Christmas meal (insert nervous laugh here).

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas from my heart to yours,

Christine