Category: Digging Deeper

Inspired

Published on by Christine1 Comment

Recently, I’ve managed to tap into an area where I want to push myself harder than I ever have before.  I was wondering where the change has come from, and then I realized it was because I am inspired by many people around me.  I am reminded once again how important it is to surround yourself with people who motivate and inspire you!  Inspire you to move forward, to push yourself beyond your limits, and just make you want to be a better person.

I’m inspired by a woman who I met at a gym. She is taking control of her life, and has spent the last couple years battling breast cancer (now in remission!)  She works out so hard, and does so with a smile on her face, and a heart that radiates such strength.

I’m inspired by women who have suffered such loss in life, but who still manage to move forward in life with the spirit of resilience and unyielding determination.  They fight for their children and keep the spirit of their loved one alive daily.

I’m inspired by my workout friends who push themselves a little farther each day and make working out fun.  They share a zest for life that is infectious and it just makes my heart happy to be in their company.

I’m inspired by all the people who have the courage to share their struggles, insecurities, and challenges with others.  There are so many times in my life I have lost my way, but it is comforting to know that there are others that struggle too!  We are not alone in our life struggles.

I’m inspired by women that help other women.

I also believe that you draw into your life exactly what you put out there.  If you are searching for inspiration, start with you…be inspiring! Always give more than you take.  With every life experience remember there is much to learn even if it’s painful or difficult.  What you are learning from each painful life experience will help someone else who crosses your path later in life.  There is no better joy in your heart than when you can give back something that was once taken from you.

I’ll leave you with a quote!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ” Nelson Mandela

I hope you find something that inspires you everyday, but what would be even better is to inspire others every beautiful day.  Now that is something to be inspired about!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Balancing Act

Published on by Christine9 Comments

The pursuit of happiness in life must come with balance.  There has to be a balance and peace found in all areas of life. 

Balance between…

~work and play

~devotion and letting go 

~focussing and relaxing the mind

~indulging and denying

I have come to realize that finding this balance is difficult.  I feel pulled in different directions at times and lose track of the simplest truth…that life is good and happiness is found from within!  I have also realized that whatever path I take…in this case the area of living a healthier lifestyle…it must be one that I can stay on for the rest of my life.  So with every Yin, there is always a Yang.  There has to be. 

Sometimes finding balance means you have to take some time to really focus on change.  Change is scary, but necessary to move forward.   With every scary life experience there is so much to learn about yourself and life.  Be present in that knowledge and don’t let it pass you by.

Don’t beat yourself up when you aren’t getting the results you think you should be.  Focus on the changes that are happening in your life.  Because if you truly change, results have to happen.  It’s inevitable. 

Positive in, Positive out (and vise-versa)!

Personally, I don’t want to live a life that is wrapped up in guilt when I do indulge. Because life is meant to be enjoyed and savoured.  I have clear goals in place. They are tangible and achievable, but must also be sustainable in the end. 

I am truly thankful for recent insights into life.  I am also thankful for friendships that are built on true acceptance, love, and support.  It’s important to surround yourself with a support system that not only brings you up when you are down, but who will also challenge you when life gets confusing and you have lost your way.

I recently had a moment of total self-acceptance and while I’ve had these little moments before, they are usually few and far between. 

As I stood in the mirror picking apart my flaws as I do from time to time, I actually stopped myself and accepted the fact that I’m flawed and imperfect and it brought a huge smile to my face.  Who isn’t?!

I looked up imperfect in the dictionary.  It means “lacking completeness”.  I am complete, so I’m going to drop that one. 🙂

I hope you find balance in all areas of your life, and that peace will come to you as a result.  Surround yourself with support, love, and always give more than you take.

From my ever-expanding heart to yours!

Christine

Shifting Focus

Published on by Christine5 Comments
‘Focus on what’s working in your life, the positive stuff. For that which you focus on and think about the most is actually what manifests in your life.’ Dr. Christiane Northrup
 
I believe this whole-heartedly.  There is so much in life that is out of our control.  But we can control our attitude, thoughts and most importantly actions that bring about amazing positive changes in life. 
Sometimes it’s difficult to understand why our lives stay on the same course.  I was talking to a friend who didn’t understand why she wasn’t losing weight because she was so active and busy throughout her day.  Her body is used to that level of exercise and activity.  You have to change things up and add more activity to bring about different results.  This is true in life as well.  If life has stayed on that same course for you and you are wondering why the changes haven’t come about, it’s because nothing has changed!  It’s the same.  The same actions and thoughts.  The same way of reacting to circumstances. 
Bringing in a New Year is a great thing to inspire change and welcome NEW experiences into your life.  The mind is just a little more open with the promise of a new fresh year.   I have realized that my life took the best course when I focused on the positive, and let go of the negative and the judgements of others.  Every experience in life comes with an opportunity to learn from it.  It’s up to you what you do with that knowledge. 
Focus on the good.  The powerful. The positive. The uplifting. The joy. The new knowledge.

And run with it…

From my heart to yours,
Christine

Snow Day

Published on by Christine2 Comments

I’m taking advantage of this snow day. I have the fireplace on, coffee cup in hand, and my Christmas music is on my play list.  There is something about the first big snow fall of the year, to bring the Christmas spirit into a person’s heart.  I was talking to a friend on the phone this morning, and she has me thinking.  Nothing is black and white, and every one’s journey is different.  What ties us all together is the spirit of resilience and hope. 

What I’m left thinking about is how strong she is and how bright her spirit is. I don’t think she sees that.  If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us most.  If only we could see how much our journey can help others who are on a similar path. If we could let down the walls and reach out for support, which in turn can only help others.

So here’s a bit of random thoughts that came to me as I curled up on my couch with my hot cup of coffee.  These are just my opinions! I appreciate that we are all at different stages in our lives and I have so much to learn. 🙂

1. The only person you can control is you.  You can’t control the actions of those around you. There is just YOU and there is something very freeing and powerful in that knowledge. It puts the responsibility for happiness in life squarely on our own shoulders and releases the expectations we put on others.

2.  Your thoughts shape your day.  The power of the mind to bring about hope, joy, and success is amazing.  Tap into those areas that bring you the most joy, but allow yourself to feel the pain, the loss, and the grief.  We grow through adversity, and you can not truly experience the light without also experiencing times of darkness as well.  That’s when you truly appreciate the light of hope.

 3.  We truly do not know the strength that lies within our soul.  It’s there for the taking if only we wouldn’t convince ourselves that it’s impossible.  Allow the spirit of positivity and joy into your life, and give no power to the negative.  That negativity is just lies that we allow in and prevent us from moving forward.

4. Life is meant to be lived with pride and joy.  Remind yourself often of your goals. Write them out on sticky notes and put them up where you can see them every day.  Shape your daily choices around the goals you’ve set out.

5. Be good to yourself! There is no power to be found in being down on yourself.  It creates a cycle of negativity and you deserve so much good in your life.

6. I’m a Mom, and I often forget that my kids are watching me and learning about life through my eyes. I want them to see life in the best way possible.  They deserve to have a happy Mom that is excited about life and that will raise them in that zest and respect for a life full of hope and promise. 

7.  Give yourself permission to let go of others expectations, judgments, and opinions.  They haven’t walked in your shoes. 

8. We can be the most positive thinker in the world, but without action it’s pointless.  You also have to figure out “Why” you are striving for a certain goal.   Being a certain size really isn’t a goal. Why are you setting out to be a certain size? Do you think your issues will fade away once you are a size ____?  I’ve gone through that, and speaking from my experience, the same issues follow you no matter what size you are.  I finally figured out that my goal is to live an authentic life full of joy and purpose.  Taking care of myself through exercise, eating right, sharing, and finding joy in the little things bring about changes that allow me to keep the weight off.  But without action, the results can’t possible come to fruition.  I need to put in the work which does more for my mind and spirit than it does for my body.

Well, that’s about all for now.  Happy snow day for those in my area (I hear there are many with no snow out their windows). 

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Purpose

Published on by Christine11 Comments

I have had a few revelations this week.  I’m not sure I can put them into words, but I will try!  I struggle with my body image, but when I really think about it, a more accurate statement would be that I struggle with my self-image.  I often lose who I am and who I want to be/my goals.

I was thinking back to 2002, back when I weighed close to 250 pounds.  I was a shell of a person. I wanted to fade away into the background, away from the judgements of others.  I realize today that it really had nothing to do with the opinion of others, but rather my own opinion.  I didn’t love who I was.  I knew I had it in me to be the person I wanted to be, but I had so much self-loathing that I couldn’t move forward.  

What changed for me?  I took one little step forward.  One step towards treating myself well.  A step that was for me and no one else.  Those little steps took over, and I started feeling pride in myself; something I had really never felt before.  I wasn’t living up to my potential and I had no idea what my potential was. I stayed in this little “I can’t do it” bubble…never challenging myself for fear of failure.  What I didn’t understand, was my self-loathing was attached to the knowledge that I was failing myself everyday I stayed on that couch and with every bit of bingeing on the wrong foods that I did.

I have been struggling recently with what my purpose is.  And, the feelings that I felt those years ago came back.  I realized it has nothing to do with what I weigh. It’s how I’m feeling inside.  I’ve felt that same self-loathing lately.  Why? Because I am not honouring my goals.  My focus has shifted. I am not proud of myself. 

When you can get up in the morning and look yourself in the mirror and feel pride for what you are doing in life, there is no better joy.  I have spent the last little while, down on myself and there is no power to be found when you are in that place.  As a mom, wife, photographer, etc. I have put everyone else first and have avoided taking care of myself. I have avoided relationships that are important to me because I feel like I am failing.

So, I know the root of many of my food/exercise issues start in my heart. I need to love myself, and remind myself daily of my goals.  I need to focus on my purpose in life. I need to be proud of who I am.  I feel my purpose is to help others that are stuck in this same place. It’s what fuels my desire to move forward as well.  I need to feel that I am giving back all that I had taken for granted in life. I want to share joy where I had once found little.  I can see so much power, but also deep hurt within so many people who are also struggling and have lost who they are.  I can see it so clearly, their bright beautiful spirit, and my wish is that they could see it too.  

My favourite quote.

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” George Bernard Shaw

I need to love who I see in the mirror.  I feel fortunate that I have found the path that can make that a reality if only I would take a moment and honour my goals and take action.  To be thankful and live my life through gratitude and true joy for life and all it has to offer.   There is true power in living a life of joy, purpose, and gratitude.

I recently started a “Reclaiming Life” group on facebook.  It has been a great source of motivation and inspiration for me and I hope for others as well.  It’s an open group, so if you feel it can help you move forward, please join in!  Finding a support network is so important.  Sometimes it’s not easy admitting that we need help from others, but the support is there for the taking. 🙂

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=179437799538

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Struggling

Published on by Christine7 Comments

Happy Monday!  How are you? 

I went to the gym this morning and it felt awesome to go.  I spent the entire hour thinking.  I’m struggling. 

I’m either in control of the food part, or I’m in control of the exercise part.  But both exercise and eating healthy combined, is my struggle.  I’m not sure why.

I need to figure this out!  I’m great in the morning and through out the day.  My resolve is strong.  I make healthy food choices, and most days have lots of energy to stay active. 

Then night comes, and after I put my kids to bed, I fight with the internal dialogue to say screw it, and eat.  It’s so frustrating because each morning I wake up wondering why I can’t just figure out my night-time eating struggles.  It’s so easy when I wake up to a fresh new day.  But, by the evening I don’t want to deal with anything.  I just want to turn my mind off.

I feel like a fraud most of the time.  I don’t have it all together.  But the truth be told, this blog is just like a journal and it’s important to get it out there. To stay positive, and remind myself what my goals are.

I have been thinking about starting a facebook group, where anyone can join that needs support.  We can share successes, and support one another during struggles.  We can post weight or fat loss (you wouldn’t have to post your weight…just weight or percentage of weight lost), workout times, what we are eating, etc.  Are you interested in joining?  I think it’s so important to join together and support one another.  A huge step in the right direction is to find a circle of support that will lift you up when you are down.  Another important part of finding a support network is finding like-minded people to be accountable to. 

If you’re interested, let me know! 

Have a fabulous Monday.

Christine

Finding YOU again

Published on by Christine4 Comments

As a busy Mom, I often lose who I am.  I know I’ve talked about his before, but it’s an issue that I struggle with on a daily basis.  When I don’t feel in control of my activity and what I chose to eat, it really does translate into all areas of my life.  I think the biggest blessing that has come from taking better care of myself, is the feeling of being in control and there is great pride that accompanies that.  That feeling transfers down into all areas of everyday life. 

I have chosen a different way to view life than what comes naturally to me.   For example, every day mundane tasks have to power to annoy the life out of me!  Making several trips walking the kids to school every day, having to park far away in a busy parking lot, getting groceries at night when I would rather be vegging on my couch, all annoy me if the truth be told.  All I have to do is tell myself that each of these little tasks, are just another way to stay active!  So I chose to park farther away in an empty parking lot, take the longest possible route to get bread at the grocery store, and walk instead of drive to the school.  Because every extra step matters.  It makes me want to do more!  It keeps me from the comfort of my couch.   It makes me want to break out into spontaneous dance when I’m down. I have no rhythm so it’s more awkward flailing than actual dancing.

When I think back to the most depressing part of being stuck at a weight I wasn’t happy with, it was that I felt so bad about myself. I felt trapped, lethargic, and every day tasks overwhelmed me. I felt like life was passing me by and I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning knowing that those feelings were on the top of my mind. 

I wasn’t eating healthy. I was eating a lot of fried foods with no nutritional value.  I had no energy.  I remember coming home from work during the lunch hour and just wanting to sleep for the hour.  I had a hard time climbing the stairs at work. By the top, I was out of breath and ready to sit down!   Eating a diet rich in nutrients and vitamins not only keeps you healthy and gives you natural antibodies to fight off sickness, but it gives you so much energy.  It fills you up in a way that doesn’t weigh you down.

Making positive little choices in your day, leads to more positive choices.  The best part about it is YOU get to make those choices for yourself.  You are in control of what you chose to eat, and how much activity you add into your day.

If you feel lost or out of control, look inside and make that choices needed to treat yourself well.  Your body was designed to be fueled with natural foods.   There is a reason processed food doesn’t grow on trees. 

You will find YOU again if you’ve lost your way.   Positivity, pride and strength open the mind up and you can’t help but transfer those blessings into other areas of your life.  

I’m going to also put this out there.  I’m not always sure if what I share here are too broad of ideas! Are they tangible?  If you ever have any questions that you think I may help you with, please e-mail me at cjhop (at) telus (dot) net or leave me a comment.  If I can help in any way by lending advice on what to eat, exercising, or if you need someone to talk to I’m here for you.  

I remember a time when I was driving home from work, thinking I wish there was someone out there that understood how I was feeling and could help in some small way.  I felt so stuck and totally at a loss as to how to move forward.  I’m here for you if you are in that same space.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do know what has worked for me.  Most of it starts in your mind and heart, so any program such as weight watchers can work.  You are more powerful than you may know.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

I Cleaned out my Closet

Published on by Christine3 Comments

I was talking to a friend about how cluttered my closet is and it’s translated into my life as well.  My life is my cluttered closet. 

I had enough yesterday and ran up to my closet. Clothes went flying out of my closet and onto the floor. I was a mad cleaning woman on a mission to declutter my closet.  I realized that the clothes in my closet range from size 20 to size 9.  The bigger clothes shoved to the back, but taking up precious space.  With each piece of too-big clothing I removed, I actually felt lighter.  Each piece of clothing represented a memory of a time in my life that looking back meant a lot to me.  My Fire Training School uniform, my size 18 jeans, my baggy 2x sweaters, various sizes of workout clothes…all hold memories of where I’ve come from.  It was time to let them go however.  I can’t believe I’ve held onto them for so many years. 

I packed up 3 bags of clothes and loaded them into my car.  As I was unloading each bag to Goodwill, I felt a release and realized that I will not be going back to that place ever again.  It was both freeing and sad at the same time.  It was a time in my life that I realized what I finally wanted in life. It marked the beginning.  

Good-bye big clothes!  My closet is much lighter and represent where I am NOW in my life.  There’s no going back, only forward.

The Power of the Mind

Published on by Christine5 Comments

I am guilty of wanting to be in a place other than where I am right now.  I fall into the trap both in my personal life and in my professional life.  Before a photography session, I will sometimes surf blogs for inspiration, but what often happens is I’m left feeling like my work is “crap” and I have so far to go.  This is also true when it comes to body image.  I can’t help but surf the magazines when waiting in line at Safeway (I manage to always find the slowest line in Safeway, even if I lane-hop…I always lose that game).  On the cover of most magazines is a perfectly airbrushed model with a million dollar smile, and promises of quick fixes if only you drink shakes for 2 out of 3 meals. 

When you are always looking ahead to where you wish you could be, it’s pretty hard to live in the moment.   At the beginning of this journey, the realization that I should probably lose around 100 pounds was daunting and totally overwhelming.  It was tough not to want to resign myself that being unhappy with my weight was something I would always be.  It’s enough to make you want to throw in the towel before you’ve even started.  That’s where self-sabotage comes in. If you really don’t believe it’s a manageable goal, than you start putting obstacles in your way and convince yourself it just isn’t meant to be. 

 If you could look at it as a journey and enjoy the process without constantly wishing you were at the proverbial “end” you would begin to be proud of little changes.  Because it’s through a series of little changes that lead to big changes.  Set out manageable small goals, and be proud when you reach them.  I remember feeling so down on myself when I would only lose one little itty bitty pound.  Now, if I gained a pound, it was crushing.   Why is it that the feeling of pride isn’t matched to the feeling of defeat?  It’s the same pound we are talking about here, but this pound really only feels huge when it’s gained.

Here’s the difference:

I go to the running track and run 2 laps, walk 1 lap.  

Rather than: I wish I could run more than 2 laps.

I prefer to think of it like this: I ran 2 laps! There was a time when I couldn’t run 1/2 a lap.  Each time I challenge myself I can only get better.

I try on a pair of once-loose jeans that I now struggle to pour myself into.

Rather than:  Forget it! Where’s that bag of Doritos? It’s so depressing trying on clothes that don’t fit!

I prefer to think of it like this:  Dear too tight jeans, I am going to eat healthier & exercise and will try you on again in a month. You are merely a bench marker for the work I’m going to put in.

I often dream of where I want to go in my photography, and get lost in where I am right at this moment.  It’s always good to dream, but sometimes you have to step back and take a look if it’s something that is preventing you from moving forward because the end goal is too big.  Strip it back to little goals, and never forget to feel the sense of pride and accomplishment when you reach each little step along the journey.  

The greatest thing about chosing a healthier lifestyle is the feeling that comes along with it.  When you are treating yourself well, the feeling that comes along with it is so good.

You bring in what you give out.  Do you agree with this theory?  I believe this is true with your thoughts. 

Negative in, negative out. 

Positive in, positive out. 

It really does start a cycle of either positivity or negativity depending on what you are bringing in.  The GREAT part about it is that you have the power to create exactly who you want to be. One little itty bitty step at a time.  Do not give in to the feeling of defeat before you’ve even started!  Move forward and celebrate your successes, however small they may be. 

When you decide to start on your path, it should be exciting! There is so much to learn about yourself and life.  Live in that excitement.  Put out exactly what you wish to take in.  Sometimes we aren’t even aware of the negativity we are putting out there.  Sometimes it’s the mind that needs to be changed first.

Moving Past Shame

Published on by Christine29 Comments

I am not a positive person by nature, but I try to be.  I have come from what can only be described as dark days, and having lived through those, I need to be positive.

My weight started climbing in high school.  I can pinpoint the time actually.  Although I had always been the bigger girl in school, I never really struggled with it until my mid-teens.

Looking back on the event that really traumatized me, I am not sure what you would call it.  Rape?  Taken advantage of?  I was a virgin, and was naive.  I was at bible camp, and me and a few friends went for a walk away from the camp to the public beach…something we shouldn’t have done  We met up with some boys (they were 19, we were 15) whom we had met earlier at the camp. The boys knew a couple people at the summer camp I was attending and had come earlier in the week to visit them (the boys were not part of the camp in any way).  They were quickly asked to leave when they started blaring ACDC’s “Money Talks” out of their truck window.  To this day, every time I hear that song, I’m taken back to that first meeting.

Long story short. That night I wandered away from camp down to the public beach I had my first drink, and it really only took 2 or 3 to get me wasted.  The guys were on that public beach and had a cooler full of drinks, music blasting, and welcomed us to sit with them.  The camp director after figuring out we were gone, came looking for us.  He saw that we had been drinking and asked the guys to drive us back to the camp. The camp director knew the guys somewhat, they were from his home town. To this day as a caretaker of children, that’s one thing that I don’t understand.  Why would he have asked him to drive us back to the camp?

We got into their truck, and rather than returning to camp, they stopped at a gravel pit to “party”.  The driver, we’ll call him A., asked me to go look for firewood with him.  Away from everyone else, he took advantage of me.  I didn’t even understand really what was going on. I was drunk, naive, and scared.  I remember mumbling “No, No, No” over and over again.  It was there in a gravel pit that I lost my innocence. His friend called out for him, and he told me to get up and get into the truck.  They dropped us off at the camp gates, and A. looked at me, asked me for my number, and then laughed and told us to get out of the truck.  We stumbled drunk back up the hill to the camp hall and I struggled to tell the camp nurse what had just happened, because truthfully I didn’t really understand what had happened.

After figuring out what had happened, the nurse thought it best that I sleep away from my friends in the “sick room”.  No taking me to a hospital, no calling the police, no talking about it further.  I was left to sit alone in a room trying to figure out what had happened in my young, naive, and still intoxicated mind.

After returning home from camp, I was left to explain to my parents that I was no longer a virgin.  There was so much shame involved, that I decided to go to a Christian boarding school away in Saskatchewan. My parents supported my decision as they knew I didn’t want to face a life of hushed whispers in the halls of my high school.  From there I made a series of bad decisions, and cared little about my future.  I really am thankful I graduated.  Thankful for my friends, family, and teachers who helped me along the way.

A few other equally major life changing events followed in the years soon after.  None of which I care to share because it doesn’t really matter. I am not defined by my past, but I am stronger because of it.  To me, the event at bible camp was the catalyst that started the quest for trying to find myself again.

It took me until I was 28 years old to figure out that I needed to find my way again.  I had to grow up before I was ready to.  The only regret was that I didn’t get to make that decision for myself.  I didn’t get to decide when I was ready.

I only share this with you today, because I know how many of us have suffered tragedy in our lives.  We have lived through pain that we want to stuff down with something…whatever your drug of choice may be.  Mine just happened to be food.

Coming from a very negative space, I find positivity so refreshing. I can’t go back to those dark days.  I won’t.  That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t deal with the ghosts of your past, it just means that you rise above it.  You cope and heal from within, you share, you grow, you appreciate all you have in life.

I have so much in life to be thankful for.  All of which I wouldn’t have if my path didn’t lead the way it did in life.

So, I am sharing this with you because I am thankful for where I am..right now.  I am thankful for all the people who have come into my life, through photography, through my community, and through this blog.

Maybe sharing this isn’t wise because it changes how people may perceive me…perhaps like a victim; However,  I am choosing (most recently) not to attach shame to my past.  I am so sick of feeling shame over events that were out of my control. You grow the most through adversity.  I am thankful for that.

If you are reading this and identify with these words, feel free to send me a comment. I appreciate the comments and support that have come through this blog, and as always I am here to support you as well.  It is my hope that we can come together and support, motivate, and inspire one another: all in the quest for living the best life possible. One filled with pride, joy, and fulfillment because life is so good.  🙂

From my heart to yours,
Christine