Tag: Life

11 Years at Goal ~ Finding Purpose within Pain

Published on by Christine8 Comments

Today is the 11 year anniversary of the day I reached my goal weight.  Going into year 11, I’ve moved away from placing importance on what the scale says. In fact 3 years ago, I made a conscious decision to put my scale away and take it out once a month. I record the weight in a log, and in looking back at it, I can see my life is pretty predictable when it comes to weight.

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It follows the ebbs and flows of my life. Up at Christmas and summer holidays and down in the spring and fall as I run in the sun. By seeing that pattern and knowing that I will always live an active lifestyle fuelled by nutrient rich foods, it has allowed me not to worry so much about that 10 pound fluctuation.

This year, more than any other year, has brought with it a whole lot of change in my life. I have fulfilled a decade old promise to myself that I would one day be a personal trainer/life coach. I started my Personal Trainer job in February of this year and I absolutely love it. I wake up excited to go to work everyday and that’s ridiculously amazing.  Through my experiences losing the weight and maintaining, I believed I could make a significant impact in the lives of others with similar struggles. I want to motivate others to be the best version of themselves and support them to actualize their full potential. To dig deep to their core drivers (motivators) so they can truly love themselves as they make positive life changes.

Little did I know when I started my job, that as I was driven to aid others in healing…they actually healed me and continue to do so every single day. I am so inspired by their drive, hard-work, and dedication. My heart is so full witnessing their passion to just be better in every aspect of their lives…physically, emotionally, spiritually. Great stuff!

I’m about to get very real in this post, because as much as I highly enjoy the uplifting…sometimes life just doesn’t always go the way you want it to. So pour a glass of vino or click the little X thingy to close the tab if you aren’t into reading a very real book-post. 😉

This year also happens to be the most painful year of my life as I navigate through the murky waters of divorce. I read once the stress level of a divorce is comparable to a death. I have never lived a more painful truth. Like most things in life, you can’t possibly understand the ramifications of major life events unless you go through it. You can empathize and be compassionate, but unless you walk in those shoes, well….you can’t possibly know what it feels like.

I was worried that I would fall into old destructive patterns as I coped daily with stressful changes, but I’ve found solace and drive within purpose, direction, and focus. The key has been to remind myself daily of my goals, dreams, and aspirations and then attaching tangible action with a timeline which aligns with those goals. I have poured every ounce of the pain within adversity into helping others move forward within their own struggles in a positive way. And I’ve learned to be kind to myself as I struggle with my identity.

I believe there is power through genuine sharing within vulnerability so that another going through similar struggles does not feel alone. It brings about authentic community which we have sadly lost in this digital age. I have learned there can be uplifting positive patches even through the darkest days. There are many facets of my life I can’t change right now, but I can certainly change how I perceive it.

I’ve struggled with my identity this year because for 23 years I lived as a half of an entity.  I can choose to look at it now as a single with a missing piece, an alone…but I choose to see it as a new whole. I focus on the present and future and while I respect the life I can see in my rear view mirror; it is not healthy to focus my identity there.

So, going into year 11…here’s some things I learned this year.

You see we attach our identity to our habits. Some positive, but a whole lot of negative which then places self-induced road blocks to our success.

For example; you may want to run a marathon one day, but you can’t possibly achieve that dream if you place your identity on the belief you are not a runner. You become a runner by habitually running. It’s as simple as that. If you want to change your identity, change your habits. It’s hard at first, because of that identity thingy…but stick with it. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit; give yourself the respect you deserve, because you truly can do anything for 21 days if you believe you can.

I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know I’m moving forward with purpose. I have never felt such strength in who I am as a person than I do right now.  I let go of caring what others think of me.  I may not be your cup of tea, but that doesn’t mean I’m not awesome tea…just not your cup Oh tea. 😉 Letting go of other’s expectations and judgements has truly fuelled me to be very authentic, open, honest, and has allowed me to find strength within vulnerability.

We have one life my friends, we can choose to wallow in our past hurt, or we can focus on the right now and take action everyday to create our best future. We have the power to do that.

Take time every day to be a little kinder. Give without expectation of anything in return. A grateful heart is rooted in generosity of spirit.

Soak up the knowledge freely given by others around you.

Read.

Rest.

Run.

Let go of fear of the unknown and see it as an adventure.

Challenge yourself to be better.

Laugh until your stomach hurts.

Invest time with those who love you.

Every time you make a choice, ask yourself…does this align with my dreams and goals? If not, let it go.

Dream big.

And most importantly, take action.

Dreams are just dreams without action.

Every anniversary year, I usually step from behind my camera and get a photo taken to signify the year. This year I’m using a photo that brings about a whole lot of significant emotions.

My first Christmas as a new me. Christmas 2015: I was on my way to see my family Christmas Day when my car broke down an hour from home. I had never spent a Christmas evening without my kids, and as I sat in my broken-down car waiting for AMA I started laughing rather than crying. I truly couldn’t believe this was my life at that moment, like I was living a bad dream. I needed to deal with this situation on my own…and by my own I mean AMA. But still…totally did it myself. 😉 I texted my sister updates as I sat beside a very tired and hungover tow-truck driver as he sped down the highway mock-chicken with my car on his deck. His speedometer was tapped out all the way to the fast side. lol A trip that ordinarily would have taken over an hour, took 40 minutes.  I was literally shaking when I got to my sisters and she hugged me, gave me a glass of wine, and presented me with a matching onesie. I excused myself to the guest room and cried like a baby, not out of sadness but out of relief that I was going to be OK moving forward on my own because I sure have a great loving support system.

Christine 11 years

Thank you to my friends and family (and once-upon-a-time strangers who are now new friends) for supporting and encouraging me. I am so thankful for you and because of your kindness and compassion, I will remember to always pay it forward.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

 

How Thoughts Create Reality and Action

Published on by Christine6 Comments

I just had a little revelation this morning, so I had to write.

Your thoughts and self-perception become your reality.

I have a vivid memory of a time when I was at my heaviest. I was watching a show and the host said the cause of obesity actually has nothing to do with food. I remember thinking, WHAT?…of course it has everything to do with food! It’s why I’m obese.  My mind just couldn’t wrap around the idea that the cause of my weight issue had deeper roots than my love of food.

Eleven years later, I’m deeply aware that whatever I give power to within my thoughts, translates directly into my actions. Further to action, it converts into the energy we give off to others. How can we possibly attract the elements of life we desire if we spend our time focussing on the things we don’t like about ourselves. On worry. On doubt. On fear.

When I was at my heaviest, I believed I would always be overweight. I conceded to a life of inactivity. Why did I believe I had no choice in the matter? I was just a choice away from a different reality and it all began with a seed of positive thought. It really was that simple.

So how do you foster the positivity and weed out the negativity within the mind?

Become very aware through out your day of your thought patterns. Which activities bring about negativity and which bring about positivity?  Isn’t that what exercise is for? Your body is designed to move. And when you move, endorphins are released. The human body is actually a ridiculously amazing machine if you think about it. I always leave the gym way more positive than when I enter it.

Beyond exercise, there are so many activities you can do that stimulate positive thinking. Read a good book, phone a friend, walk the dog, dance in your kitchen, do a random act of kindness and tell no one!  Just do something within your day to nurture the positive.

On the other side of coin, pay close attention to the activities that bring about negative thoughts. Now, some of these are unavoidable. Laundry will always be there, bills will always have to be paid, snow has to be shovelled. Weed out the ones you can and the self-destructive behaviour. You may not be able to quit all those conditions that trigger negative thinking, but you CAN change your perception of them and the way you think about it.

Focus on gratitude. We all have so much in life to be grateful for. Give energy and power to your thankful heart.  A thankful heart will always exude pure love. Give a whole lot of positive thought to your aspirations. Dream! It’s never too late to dream. And then act on those dreams. Even if it’s just a tiny step. 🙂

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I hope your day is full of positivity!

From my thankful heart to yours,

Christine

 

 

Shifting Perspective: Food is Fuel

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It took a whole lot of repeated behaviour to realize that I can exercise all I want, but if I’m not in control of my diet, I won’t see the results of my efforts. I used to look at food very differently, and it wasn’t until I changed my perspective on food that I gained control of that area of my life.

Today I view food as fuel. It’s been a very rewarding healthy shift of focus. It’s not about deprivation or restriction. I simply eat to fuel my life. It’s really that simple.

  • Lean protein to build muscle.
  • Nutrient dense carbohydrates (also containing fiber, vitamins, protein and minerals) necessary to support muscle glycogen storage which fuels workouts.
  • Healthy fats which are essential for physical, mental and emotional health.

Before exercising, I make sure I fuel my body so I have the energy to get the best from my workout.  I eat often so I don’t go into any meal overly hungry. Most importantly, I have found balance. I eat chocolate daily. 😉

I actually used to fear my relationship with food. I didn’t feel in control of it. Taking back that control is so freeing!

It’s amazing how you can change your entire lifestyle simply by shifting your perspective. When you change the way you think, your actions follow suit.

I hope you have a great day! Be good to you 🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine

What are You Training Today? The Soul my dear.

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Lately I’ve been going to the gym 6 days a week for an hour at a time. It’s more than I usually go, and during this time I’ve been asked what my fitness goals are. Another regular question I’ve been asked and I often ask others is “What are you training today?”  Back? Leg day?  Shoulders? etc.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately, and what I reply in my mind is this:

I’m here for my mind, for my heart, for my soul.

It’s here where I push my body to my limits, that I realize the strength of my spirit.

This hour gives me time to refuel and wipe out any negativity that clouds my mind.

I’m inspired by those around me struggling through physical adversity. Like the gentlemen who is recovering from a stroke. He never misses a day and walks the track with determination and such strength.

I’m uplifted by the positivity that lives within those walls, like the couple who walk the track holding hands the entire way while talking and laughing.

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I go to uplift others with positivity. A kind word, a smile, a sincere compliment.  Even through my darkest days, I will smile and uplift those around me. I’ve learned it fuels my heart just as much as it fuels others. Positive energy is infectious.

I go for I know that within minutes into my workout, any anxious energy melds way into determination. The power of exercise!

There’s no other hour in my day where I feel as positive, uplifted, confident and self-assured. I leave my workouts with those feelings, and it seeps its way into other minutes of my day. Growing and evolving just as I do.

So yes, today maybe shoulder-day by physical definition, but what I’m really doing is taking gentle care of myself…body, mind, and most importantly soul & spirit. So that I am the best Mom I can be for my kids, a better friend to my friends, and to learn just how strong I am within.

Take away the aesthetics of the gym, and you are left with the heart of training…the real reason so many require that hour like air in their lungs. I am so thankful I learned this lesson. It’s been a gift during the hardest of days and a blessing on my shiny days too.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

 

 

 

 

Unravelling Perfection

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I am an all or nothing person. Either I want to do it perfectly, or not at all.  I am learning to let go of the self-imposed pressure to be the sort of woman I believe I “should” be. The ideal I set for myself comes from many factors, many of which are moulded from my childhood, relationships, life experiences, and society.

I had a crazy idea the other day, what if I just stopped the quest for what I “should” be…and just be.  That isn’t to say I don’t want to grow as a person, quite the opposite, but rather to listen to my intuition and authentic voice and not outside influences. We all have an authentic voice we can choose to either honour or ignore.

As I enter 2016 I choose to work on listening and acting on my authentic voice within.

To grow as a person and to support others as they grow too.

To find me again. To allow others to be exactly who they are.

To be kind and accept kindness.

To let go and trust myself.

To be imperfectly perfect.

To embrace failure within my life, and to not only learn from it but to grow within it.

To stop running from painful experiences.

To allow myself to unravel and rebuild who I know I am as a person.

Here’s to rebuilding.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

 

On Feeding Fear

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I had a revelation the other day while I was on the treadmill. I fear a lot. More specifically, I fear failure and the unknown. This fear holds me back from pursuing my goals. It’s a ball of dark energy that grows within like a living entity who’s voice is rooted in self-doubt. At times, it’s a small presence that creeps in during times of growth and change, and other times it takes up all the available space within a dream.

Now, I had another revelation. It’s up to me whether I feed the fear or not. Whatever I feed, that is what will grow. Feed doubt…it will grow. Feed fear…it will grow and take over. Feed hope…and it will grow and flourish within the soul. Feed positivity and it will multiply and overtake the doubt. So what am I going to feed today? It’s my choice.

Today I choose to hope.

To look for the good.

To move forward.

To uplift others.

To be positive.

To dream.

To give.

The truth is, whatever I choose to feed, it not only affects my spirit but all those around me. We all give off energy to others. It lies within how we carry ourselves.  The way we smile or don’t smile. They way we react during times of adversity. In the smallest of exchanges between strangers. A hello. Our energy is transferable. We hold the power within to make another’s day a little brighter. It’s a choice. And that’s a ridiculously amazing gift we can give to others.

“People will forget the things you do, and people will forget the things you say. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

I wish you much happiness and positivity today! Be good to you.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

A Note of Encouragement

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Recently, my friend Paula tagged me on Facebook to a post on a page called “The Weigh We Were“, created by Kat Carney, who shared my story. Thank you Kat! I was very touched reading everyone’s comments; others just like me who are in various stages of their own journey to reclaim their life.

If you stumbled across my blog and are new here, welcome!

This is me…then. and now.

Chrissy 10 years

It was on my heart this morning to write a post to those who are just starting out on their own health journey, or maybe you are struggling within it. I clearly remember the confusion and frustration that surrounded the first few months into this lifestyle. What should I eat, how much should I exercise, is this even working, why does the scale hate me?

As cliché as this sounds, there is no truer statement: If I can do it, anyone can.

A little over a decade ago, when I made the decision to tackle my health issues, I was as sedentary as I could possibly be. I would have picked things up with one of those little robot arms if I had one. I would scooter places if I in fact owned a scooter. I would have jumped on the back of anyone climbing stairs if it was socially acceptable. You see..I don’t know how I got there, I somehow lost myself within raising kids, working, and juggling responsibilities as my hubby worked away for weeks at a time. I buried it all within food, never in front of anyone. I shut people out. I was in my own self-created world of self-loathing. I lived within a frame that I didn’t feel was my own. I felt trapped and alone. I didn’t see then that I had a “get out of jail free” card right at my finger tips. I didn’t know the strength of my spirit.

I can remember every single feeling from that old life, and that’s why I’m so passionate about uplifting, encouraging, and motivating others who just might relate. So if you can relate, here are a few words of encouragement from my heart to yours…

~You can absolutely do this! If your goal is a big one, please don’t get discouraged. Break it up into small manageable goals and give yourself permission to feel pride. True pride that you earned. Small step or not, it’s a step forward. Any step forward is a positive one.

~Positive Out, Positive In.  When you put out the positive it just can’t help but come back to you. Rather than looking for positive, it’s completely within your control to create it. Just be. And then watch how positivity comes flooding back multiplied. It’s crazy how that works, but it does.

~No more making excuses for destructive behaviour. This was a big one for me. I always had an excuse why it wasn’t the right time or I would blame others for my choices. I’m too busy. My kids need me. I have no energy. Others bring junk food into my house. And on and on the wheel of excuses rolled. When I made no room for excuses, I had no other choice but to just do it. Get off the couch and move. Stop eating my issues way. Because the truth was, and continues to be, my kids need me to be healthy. They need me to have energy (which I now realize I created the no-energy state I used to live in). And most importantly they need me to be a role model. The idea that my kids would one day grow up and not truly experience the beauty of life within love, energy, and vibrance is a devastating thought. Why was I settling for that as my reality? What was I scared of?

~Change the way you view your goals. It’s importantly to have tangible and attainable goals, but what exactly are they? If it’s a certain size or number on the scale, that leaves you vulnerable to failure. What if you changed your goals to healthy/fitness goals? Even if your end goal is a number on the scale, if you incorporate health and fitness goals as well and put significance on them, you are setting yourself up for success. These goals might be: run for 1 minute straight…which turns into 2 minutes, to 5 minutes, to 10 minutes, etc. Or I will drink 8 glasses of water daily. Or I will walk 12,000 steps daily. Or I will eat 5-7 servings of veggies daily. Or I will cut out pop and creamer in my coffee…pick your healthy goal. You can literally be successful several times a day, and before you know it these goals just become a way of life. A lifestyle that feeds your energy and spirit and you can’t handle the thought of going back to your old lifestyle. It’s simply not an option.

Real change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing ~ Tony Robbins

~You are enough. You are worthy. You are beautiful, vibrant, intelligent. Start looking at yourself through the eyes of those you love most. Start talking to yourself just as you talk to your kids, your partner, your friends and family. Negative self-talk can crush the spirit. Anytime a negative thought pops into your head, replace it with positivity. Remember you are in control of this aspect. Take back that power. You want a different lifestyle…then go after it. No waiting. No excuses. Create the life you desire.

Have a great day! Drop me a line if you need support or have questions.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

 

Looking at the World with New Eyeballs

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Many years ago when I started my photography business, I believed I was technically awesome. I knew my shit. I just loved taking photos and I was proud of what I captured. I was one kick-ass photographer.

Fast forward to many years later, I was building a portfolio for my website. I went through all of my old “awesome” work, and guess what? It was shit technically…a humbling and eye-opening realization. ha! How did I not know? How did I use to look at these photos and not see the areas I needed to improve? It wasn’t until I shoved my annoying ego to the side and invested in learning that I gained a new set of eyeballs. 😉 These new eyeballs are quite the opposite, I see areas needing of improvement with every shoot…which in the end will allow me to grow within my work.

That same principle has been proven within many areas of my life. My faith and spirit has evolved as I’ve invested in growing and learning.  Life is an evolving journey of continual growth, wisdom and knowledge. The stagnant areas settle within ego…believing there is nothing else to learn or understand about a certain area.

One of the main reasons why I held onto the extra weight for so many years lies within the theory of low self-efficacy. Psychologist Albert Bandura (fellow Albertan!) has defined self-efficacy as one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations. I truly didn’t believe I could do it. I constructed a difficult labyrinth within my mind that prevented even the slightest bit of progress. I quit before I even started. Those old eyeballs saw nothing but obstacles. I had resigned myself to living within a frame that I had difficulty moving physically.

I try to think back to the moment when I gained new eyeballs in this area…I really can’t pinpoint it. Just as I can’t pinpoint when I realized I was lacking technical knowledge within photography. I do know I dropped my ego and committed to learning. Research. Reading. Asking questions from others who had undergone a similar journey. And I used a healthy dose of imagination…I visualized reaching my goals. I shifted focus from the labyrinth of difficulty to seeing a new me. A better version of me who believed in herself.

The mind is our most powerful tool.

If you are reading this thinking about the areas you wish you can change, stop wishing and start doing. You absolutely can accomplish your goals, but do you believe you can? Before you know it, you just may look at life, circumstances, your past, relationships, and your goals with a brand new set of eyeballs. 😉

Here’s a great article about improving your self-efficacy: http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/self_efficacy.htm

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From my heart to yours,

Christine

A Decade of Maintaining Goal

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Ten years ago today I stepped on the scale after a year and a half of working hard towards my goal of shedding 90 pounds. That magical number popped up on the scale…my goal weight. It was the end of one journey and the start of another.  I left the euphoric world of losing and started into the unknown…how would I maintain this for the rest of my life? If you look at the long-term weight loss stats, it’s a little daunting…maintaining is tricky bidness. You see fat cells…they don’t fade away into the night, they shrink…but they remain.

Chrissy 10 years

After a decade of the maintaining world, here’s what I want you to know!

These past 10 years have been such a gift, I struggle to find the words to articulate just how amazing it is to find that zest for life that I had once lost.

The novelty still hasn’t worn off to be able to walk into a store and buy clothes off the rack.

I hold my head high because I’ve embraced confidence. I’ve let go of perfection and accepted vulnerability. I wish I had known that feeling when I was at my heaviest. I wish the old me loved herself.

You see confidence does not come within a size of clothing, it arrives subtly as I treat my body with the respect and the care it deserves (just as I treat those I love).

I find that self-respect within staying active, running in the sun, lifting heavy and then a little heavier the next week, within vibrant coloured foods packed full of nutrients and vitamins. The kind of food that give me energy.

I want you to know that the maintaining world isn’t that daunting at all. It’s just life. When you change your lifestyle, it just becomes the style in which you love to live your life. I’m so thankful I found it.

I’ve found…

balance.

peace.

joy.

I have found me.

Here’s to another 10 years.

From my thankful heart to yours,

Christine

 

 

 

 

7 Ways to take Intimidation out of the Gym

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For years, the only place I felt comfortable working out was in the comfort and safety of my home. Now that I’ve taken my workouts to the gym, I look back and wonder why I thought the gym was so intimidating. I’ve given this a lot of thought so I could pass on some encouragement to others who also struggle with Gym intimidation.

So here are the reasons why I know I have every right to workout in the gym along with everyone else. Just as you do.

7 ways to take intimidation out of the gym

1. I pay the same membership fees as everyone else. Why is their money more worthy of gym space? The gym is just a place to go to sweat. It’s not a place for fit people to meet and admire the fitness that is apparent within their chiselled physique. lol! You pay, I pay, we all pay. It’s all the same moneys. Sweat freely my friends.

2. No one cares how sweaty you are. Seriously, no one cares. In fact, if I see a person drenched in sweat, red-faced, out-of-breath it makes me work harder and all I feel is mad respect for their perseverance. In fact, I make a point of encouraging them because who doesn’t like to be encouraged and respected? Yesterday, I watched an older gentleman crack out chin ups like gravity was no big thang, and as I walked by I said to him “Wow, Impressive!” ha! I seriously was so impressed I couldn’t keep the thought from escaping my mouth-hole. Then his wife did the same! Wowzers.

3. Plug into your iPod. Before I get to the gym, I go onto http://8tracks.com and find a playlist for my workout. It depends on my mood, and if I’m doing cardio, weight training, or both. I turn up my music and zone out. I occasionally break out into subtle awkward swaying dance. It’s as subtle as it is awkward. Most everyone else is in their own little music zone too. Even if they are looking around between sets, it’s because they are formulating their next exercise.

4. There’s no set demographic at the gym. If you regularly go to the gym and pay attention, you will see every shape, size, age, and ability. There are no classes there. No rank of importance. We are all the same, that’s what I love most about it. It’s my safe zone where I feel accepted no matter what level of fitness I’m at. Because really, go back to #2. No one cares about your workout, they only care about their own.

5. You will work harder at the gym. You will. At home, I’m distracted by my kids, my dog who is always under-foot (I swear one day he’ll be my demise on a set of stairs), phone calls, door bells, laundry piles. When I hold a plank, I see dust bunnies under couches and then my head starts to wander into to-do lists. There are so many distractions there, home is where my responsibilities live. At the gym, once I scan my card, that’s my time. Since I made the effort to pack up my gym bag, throw on some runners, drive or bike there…I have no excuse but to get to work and make the most of my time.

6. Sweat with style and variety…Where else can you go, that has a variety of high-end equipment at your finger tips? Sure, you can fill up your home-gym with a few pieces of equipment, but to stock it with variety would be expensive. For the price of a membership or a drop-in fee, you can try different types of cardio, strength training, classes, TRX, free-weights, machines…it’s all right there. Don’t know how to use the machines? Most gyms will give you a free information session and go through each machine. Better yet, hire a trainer. Seriously it was the best investment I ever made. We invest money into our clothing, nights-out, gifts for others, starbucks..but when it comes to our health suddenly the price is too high. Try a 5-10 session package and learn the basics of correct form. You’ll not only gain knowledge, but confidence. Invest in your health.

7. You may just meet some inspiriting people there. If you go to the gym and feel like a fish out of water, just do what I do. Smile. Hold your head high. Be friendly. Before you know it, you have yourself a little gym gang that just happen to go the same time as you. It’s a community of support and respect that I’ve never encountered before. We don’t bother one another during our workout, but we nod or say hi. Wave. The odd chit-chat. An acknowledgement of respect and camaraderie. For an introvert like me, it’s muchly appreciated.

So what are you waiting for? Please don’t feel intimidated by the gym, if you want to go. Just go. You have every right to be there just as I do. And if you see me there, say hi! Wave. Awkwardly sway subtly as music fills your ear holes. Sweat freely lol!

I’ll leave you a whole lot of motivation thanks to the ever inspiring and wise Eric Thomas.

Have a great day! From my heart to yours,

Christine