Today is the 11 year anniversary of the day I reached my goal weight. Going into year 11, I’ve moved away from placing importance on what the scale says. In fact 3 years ago, I made a conscious decision to put my scale away and take it out once a month. I record the weight in a log, and in looking back at it, I can see my life is pretty predictable when it comes to weight.
It follows the ebbs and flows of my life. Up at Christmas and summer holidays and down in the spring and fall as I run in the sun. By seeing that pattern and knowing that I will always live an active lifestyle fuelled by nutrient rich foods, it has allowed me not to worry so much about that 10 pound fluctuation.
This year, more than any other year, has brought with it a whole lot of change in my life. I have fulfilled a decade old promise to myself that I would one day be a personal trainer/life coach. I started my Personal Trainer job in February of this year and I absolutely love it. I wake up excited to go to work everyday and that’s ridiculously amazing. Through my experiences losing the weight and maintaining, I believed I could make a significant impact in the lives of others with similar struggles. I want to motivate others to be the best version of themselves and support them to actualize their full potential. To dig deep to their core drivers (motivators) so they can truly love themselves as they make positive life changes.
Little did I know when I started my job, that as I was driven to aid others in healing…they actually healed me and continue to do so every single day. I am so inspired by their drive, hard-work, and dedication. My heart is so full witnessing their passion to just be better in every aspect of their lives…physically, emotionally, spiritually. Great stuff!
I’m about to get very real in this post, because as much as I highly enjoy the uplifting…sometimes life just doesn’t always go the way you want it to. So pour a glass of vino or click the little X thingy to close the tab if you aren’t into reading a very real book-post. 😉
This year also happens to be the most painful year of my life as I navigate through the murky waters of divorce. I read once the stress level of a divorce is comparable to a death. I have never lived a more painful truth. Like most things in life, you can’t possibly understand the ramifications of major life events unless you go through it. You can empathize and be compassionate, but unless you walk in those shoes, well….you can’t possibly know what it feels like.
I was worried that I would fall into old destructive patterns as I coped daily with stressful changes, but I’ve found solace and drive within purpose, direction, and focus. The key has been to remind myself daily of my goals, dreams, and aspirations and then attaching tangible action with a timeline which aligns with those goals. I have poured every ounce of the pain within adversity into helping others move forward within their own struggles in a positive way. And I’ve learned to be kind to myself as I struggle with my identity.
I believe there is power through genuine sharing within vulnerability so that another going through similar struggles does not feel alone. It brings about authentic community which we have sadly lost in this digital age. I have learned there can be uplifting positive patches even through the darkest days. There are many facets of my life I can’t change right now, but I can certainly change how I perceive it.
I’ve struggled with my identity this year because for 23 years I lived as a half of an entity. I can choose to look at it now as a single with a missing piece, an alone…but I choose to see it as a new whole. I focus on the present and future and while I respect the life I can see in my rear view mirror; it is not healthy to focus my identity there.
So, going into year 11…here’s some things I learned this year.
You see we attach our identity to our habits. Some positive, but a whole lot of negative which then places self-induced road blocks to our success.
For example; you may want to run a marathon one day, but you can’t possibly achieve that dream if you place your identity on the belief you are not a runner. You become a runner by habitually running. It’s as simple as that. If you want to change your identity, change your habits. It’s hard at first, because of that identity thingy…but stick with it. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit; give yourself the respect you deserve, because you truly can do anything for 21 days if you believe you can.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know I’m moving forward with purpose. I have never felt such strength in who I am as a person than I do right now. I let go of caring what others think of me. I may not be your cup of tea, but that doesn’t mean I’m not awesome tea…just not your cup Oh tea. 😉 Letting go of other’s expectations and judgements has truly fuelled me to be very authentic, open, honest, and has allowed me to find strength within vulnerability.
We have one life my friends, we can choose to wallow in our past hurt, or we can focus on the right now and take action everyday to create our best future. We have the power to do that.
Take time every day to be a little kinder. Give without expectation of anything in return. A grateful heart is rooted in generosity of spirit.
Soak up the knowledge freely given by others around you.
Let go of fear of the unknown and see it as an adventure.
Challenge yourself to be better.
Laugh until your stomach hurts.
Invest time with those who love you.
Every time you make a choice, ask yourself…does this align with my dreams and goals? If not, let it go.
And most importantly, take action.
Dreams are just dreams without action.
Every anniversary year, I usually step from behind my camera and get a photo taken to signify the year. This year I’m using a photo that brings about a whole lot of significant emotions.
My first Christmas as a new me. Christmas 2015: I was on my way to see my family Christmas Day when my car broke down an hour from home. I had never spent a Christmas evening without my kids, and as I sat in my broken-down car waiting for AMA I started laughing rather than crying. I truly couldn’t believe this was my life at that moment, like I was living a bad dream. I needed to deal with this situation on my own…and by my own I mean AMA. But still…totally did it myself. 😉 I texted my sister updates as I sat beside a very tired and hungover tow-truck driver as he sped down the highway mock-chicken with my car on his deck. His speedometer was tapped out all the way to the fast side. lol A trip that ordinarily would have taken over an hour, took 40 minutes. I was literally shaking when I got to my sisters and she hugged me, gave me a glass of wine, and presented me with a matching onesie. I excused myself to the guest room and cried like a baby, not out of sadness but out of relief that I was going to be OK moving forward on my own because I sure have a great loving support system.
Thank you to my friends and family (and once-upon-a-time strangers who are now new friends) for supporting and encouraging me. I am so thankful for you and because of your kindness and compassion, I will remember to always pay it forward.
From my heart to yours,
8 thoughts on “11 Years at Goal ~ Finding Purpose within Pain”
Christine!! Girl, you are A-MAZE-ING! I love your posts and I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. I’m so proud the way you kick life in the ass and don’t take no for an answer. Where do you live? I need to move there! You need to be my trainer and photographer!!! There’s a long story there…but we can save that for a fucking keg of tequila. 😉. Seriously, you just are beauty. You’re beautiful too!! But in all your words, I hear true beauty and peace. And that’s what I love about you.
Big hugs my friend!
Sent from my iPhone
Karen! I’m training in Beaumont and I think that’s far from you? 😦
I would love to train you and for sure anytime you are in my area, bring over a keg of tequila. ha! Thank you for your uplifting comment. I have always appreciated your authentic vivacious personality. xo Christine
Here’s to your 11 th year.
Yes! Thank you Jody!
Love you Christine! You need to be happy to be healthy❣ Divorse is a painful process, but I’m glad you are rising above it, and finding the new you! ❤️
Thank you Darlene! I appreciate your support. Hope you and your family are doing well 🙂
I just love you. I have no words. Just hugs. 🙂
Thank you Elena, I just love you too!