Tag: Lifestyle

Confessions of a Closet Eater/Part-Time Health Nut

Published on by Christine6 Comments

I’m a determined health nut until about 4 p.m. and then the wheels start falling off the healthy bus. In the midst of the rush of supper/homework/bath time/bed time/kid’s needing things/I need a dozen cupcakes for bake sale tomorrow…I turn from calm & zen to frazzled and tuned out. I lose my focus. As a result I’m not mindful of my eating.

Here’s the deal: I consistently exercise 4-6 times/week, I eat healthy foods, but I’m also an emotional eater. There are many terms for it: Over-eater, closet eater, binge eater, emotional eater. Those are just labels for an internal struggle that I’ve had for as far back as I remember (as early as 5 yrs old).

I know I’m not alone in this struggle, it’s just not easy to talk about nor to admit. It’s embarrassing (which is why there’s a term “closet eater”).

This isn’t a new pattern of behaviour for me, but it is one that through the years I’ve had varying degrees of control over. Even though I have lost the weight, the world of maintaining is one that is similar to the world of losing in that it takes diligence. I have to stay tuned in, even when I want to tune out.

That’s a tricky scenario for an emotional eater like me, because when there is stress in my life, my instinct is to turn to food.  Believe me, over the years I’ve over-analyzed this phenomenon to death.

If the formula for long-term weight loss was to simply eat less, move more…then there wouldn’t be such an obesity problem in our country. Yes, that’s a big part of the formula for losing and maintaining; however, it’s so much deeper than that. What works for one person, doesn’t necessarily work for another. I believe self-reflection is key. Everyone has some sort of struggle within their lives, whether it’s financial, within relationships, etc. My issue with weight happens to be more visual than perhaps another’s struggle. It makes me feel misunderstood when I hear the words “overweight” and “lazy” used in the same sentence. I can assure you that through out my life, my struggle with my weight has nothing to do with being lazy.

As I approach my 8 year anniversary of being at my goal weight, I’m still finding ways to deal with emotional eating. So what am I going to do about it? The same thing I’ve had to do every time I’ve realized I need to deal with life in a different way…

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” Henry Cloud

For every problem, there is a solution that will work if you figure out your personal triggers and you focus on your goals.

My 10 Steps to Combat Emotional Eating 

1. Journal what I eat. I’m too proud to write one bag of M&M’s 😉  Lucky for me, technology is way better than the days of carrying a binder around with me. There are lots of great apps that track eating and exercise.

2. Pay attention to how I’m feeling when I get the urge to eat when I’m not actually hungry. Eat with intention. Eat slowly (so my brain catches up to my stomach signalling when I’m full). Actually taste the food I’m eating (the texture, the flavour). Minimize distractions around me. This means no eating away from the kitchen table.

3. There are two types of triggers for me: Emotional and Food related. It’s important for me to realize what my triggers are and then to minimize those triggers. Emotional triggers can come in the form of relationships, sometimes I have to pull back from situations and relationships until I can get back on track. The food related triggers come in the form of certain foods that make me want to eat more and more. These are foods with little nutritional value and are high in sugars. I would never binge on apples. 😉

4. Remember that momentum goes 2 ways! As fast as I can feel like I’m spiralling out of control, I can just as easily take the steps to get back in control and follow that positive momentum into each meal and then into each day.

5. There’s a quote I often think about: “Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Roosevelt.  It’s difficult not to compare my progress with another’s; however, we are all different and our goals are different too.  The only person I should compare myself with is the old version of me.

6. Look at food in a positive way: Food is fuel, it is not for comfort. I have to look at my daily food intake like an allowance so that my relationship with food is one of sustenance. I give my kids their allowance and it’s up to them what they spend it on. They can spend it on quality items, or waste it. That’s how my food allowance is.  To maintain my weight loss, I must eat within a certain amount of calories. I can eat more calories if I add more activity to my day which is awesome. Exercise is important to this equation! I want to spend my allowance on foods that are high in nutritional value. I don’t want to waste it on foods that are low quality and that trigger the desire to eat more, and more. These types of foods for me are (my lovely triggers): Theatre popcorn, milk chocolate, and nachos.

7. Drink more water, at least 8-10 glasses a day. This flushes the toxins and salt out of my body and as an added bonus makes skin glow too.

8. Grocery shop once a week so my fridge is always full of fresh fruits and vegetables. Try not to shop hungry, that never goes well. lol

9. Take the well-meaning wishes and words of advice from others with a grain of salt. When I was obese, people would tell me how to lose the weight. Now that I’m at my goal weight I’ve been told that I focus too much on food and exercise, which is 100% true! I will tell you what happens when I’m not diligent with my food and exercise, I gain weight. That’s just how it is! Sometimes that pisses me right off that I have to be so diligent; however, I refuse to gain back 90 pounds. So yes, I focus on my food and exercise every day and that’s ok. 🙂 I try to do so in a positive way.

10. Be always mindful of what my goals are. Sometimes I write them on sticky notes where I see them everyday.  My goal is to be healthy, strong, and fit with balance. My goal is not a certain number on the scale. I need to align my actions to fit into that goal. I am then successful every time I eat a piece of fruit, loads of veggies, healthy proteins, each time I exercise. This also translates into my interactions with those I love. Being healthy encompasses relationships, friendships, family time. It all goes together to build a happy and healthy Mom which my kids need.

Now it’s time to get to work…

On my reading list (again): Women Food and God

A must watch for all Women:

Thanks for reading what was actually really tough to publicly share. The reason I shared it today was because of a conversation I had last week with a wise friend.  We discussed closet eating and she shared with me that this is an issues she knows many women struggle with. Even if we think we are in that closet all alone. 😉

I hope something I shared here will help another move forward. I know I’m ready to move forward.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

How My Little Girl Taught me a Lesson in Love

Published on by Christine3 Comments

I found this ‘lil gem in the bottom of my daughter’s backpack.

apr2-007 web

It says…

I like Me (by Tessa)

I like my mouth, it helps me to eat.

I also like my eyes, it helps me to see.

I like my legs, it helps me swim.

I like my hands, it helps me fish.

I like my knees, it helps me move.

I teared up while reading it because I adore how she thinks. She’s loving her sweet little self for all the ways her body allows her to do the things she loves.

It also reminds me of the importance of being the example of a woman who loves herself because I am the woman she sees every day and looks up to. I want…no I need her to carry on this positive mind-set as she grows up.

A while back, I asked my facebook friends a question on my status: Would it concern you if you gave your child a compliment and they returned your compliment with a flippant self-deprecatory remark?

Of course it would concern me, I would be shocked my son or daughter didn’t understand what a remarkable human being they are! Yet, in thinking about it, the reason I asked that questions is because I do that often when someone pays me a compliment. More often than not, I will respond with some sort of remark that depreciates the compliment they just gave me. To be the example of self-love for my children, I need to reply in the very way that I would expect them to reply. Think about it, how do you handle compliments? Our children are always learning from our actions.

Raising my kids with healthy self-esteems starts with me! I need to prove through my actions that I love myself. I need to respect and appreciate my body for all the activities I have the freedom to do because I have my health. It’s not about aesthetics, the outside, the packaging. My focus can not be on that, I have to show through my actions why this way of life is so important to the quality of my life. It’s about showing love to the body I’ve been given, it’s not a “diet” or a number on a scale or a size of clothing.

I want to teach my children these simple truths and to do that, I need to back up my words with actions:

  • Regular exercise and eating healthy, natural, whole foods full of colour & nutrients are ways you show love and respect to your body. It’s like putting premium fuel into your car. Living a healthy lifestyle is the key to vitality! We are only given one body, treat it well.
  • Happiness is found through purpose. You need a purpose that enriches and fuels your heart with passion. Where there is passion, there is happiness.
  • Life is all about balance! If you seek a life of balance between work/play, friends/family, solitude/companionship, indulgence/moderation…you will find inner peace. Embrace the Yin/Yang! There will always be times in your life when you are pulled too much in one direction. No big deal, just redirect yourself.
  • Focus on how you feel. If you are making positive life changes to better yourself or your circumstances so that you grow and move forward, don’t be discouraged if the results aren’t coming as fast as you would like them. Soak up how these positive changes make you feel. There is great success when you feel pride. That makes you successful with every positive step you take.
  • Surround yourself with good people who lift you up, support you, and make you laugh! To attract quality people and authentic friendships to your life, you have to be that exact friend to others. Positive out, positive in (positive out comes first). Just be authentic, then you will get to know people who are the same level of “weird” as you are. 😉
  • Lighten up! We are designed to laugh, love, share, support, encourage, learn, move! Focus on the good stuff, the happy stuff, the stuff that makes your heart skip a beat with joy. Because life is supposed to be fun! Look at kids for example, they are happy little people! Somewhere along the line, we adults take life too seriously. I hope to always be young at heart. 🙂

So the next time someone pays you a compliment, simply say Thank You. Take that compliment as it was intended, to lift you up and to remind you that you are one incredible human being who is well-loved. Spread the love, lift up another with sincere appreciation. Let’s show our kids what it is to love ourselves a ridiculous amount (just as much as our friends & family love us) because when you truly love yourself, you value yourself far too much to make silly choices. And THAT’S what I want for my children.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

How Strength Training Taught me to Keep Going

Published on by Christine12 Comments

I’ve been at my goal weight for coming on 8 years this May. I have managed to stay within the same 15 pound range under my goal these past years by eating healthy, exercising, and laughing my way through this crazy life. That positive mindset is important when reaching any goal, and this proved to hold important truth while I was shedding the weight and then maintaining.

Last year, I stumbled through several areas of my life. I had moments where I extended the middle finger to the foods of green and to the proteins that are lean. I hopped off that exercise wagon and then burned the sucker. I also sported a piss poor attitude about it all. To that end, I gained 15 pounds and saw my exact goal weight number of 165, however; there was a big difference in the feeling of seeing that number now versus 8 years ago. When I finally reached my goal weight 8 years ago, I was filled with pride and a ridiculous amount of happiness. Now….that number fills me with fear that I will put all that weight back on…10 pounds at a time.

Guess what my friends? That’s not going to happen. I can guarantee that, because my head is back where it needs to be.

It’s not about a magic number on the scale.

You see a few weeks ago when I realized I needed help, I hired a fabulous trainer Shannon Olsen. She set up a very different program than I am used to, with the emphasis on strength training (an area I was sorely lacking knowledge in) along with the cardio I know so well.  I have kept the weight off predominately through cardio; mainly running with a bit of strength training thrown in along with a healthy diet for the most part.  While this did work for me, after 8 years of doing the same thing over and over, my body and my mind grew bored and I lost sight of my goals.

I am so excited to have a new challenge!  Unlike straight cardio, I can see progress quite quickly with this strength training program.  Where last week I couldn’t possibly do 3 sets of 12 at a specific weight, by the next week I can lift that weight. It has been a big surprise to me how fast the body strengthens and reacts to something new. Even the word “Failure” is a positive word in strength training! It means you have worked so hard, that your muscles can’t work anymore and with failure comes rebuilding. In a nutshell, that’s what I’m doing within my mindset right now.

There are pivotal moments that happen throughout life that you can look back on and remember a shift within your old patterns of thinking. I had one of those this week.  I was doing squats with weights on my shoulders. My legs were shaking under the load; I focussed on my breathing and form so I could finish the set. As I finished the reps, I set the weights down with relief. As I stared at them during my rest, I realized that I used to carry more weight on my body daily than I had just laboured to lift.

And I let that sink in. How did I use to carry around that load and think that was “normal”.

This lifestyle choice is indeed a choice, and the end goal is not about weighing a magic number.  My body needs this lifestyle; my health depends on it, only I didn’t understand that fact when I was obese.

You see, if you continue with a negative habit over time (which in my case was over-eating and remaining sedentary), your body adjusts and reacts to the behaviour. It feels “normal”, in that it’s what you’ve known for an extended period of time. When I lived with an extra 100 pounds, I forgot what it physically felt like to weigh a healthy weight. I didn’t know I was sick. I didn’t want to relate the feeling of exhaustion, laboured breathing when climbing stairs, and sleep issues to my weight gain. It just “was” and I didn’t allow my mind to take responsibility for that. It wasn’t until a doctor was completely blunt with me that I understood it and I took the blinders off. I was so quick to blame my environment at first…my life was full of excuses: I have no time to exercise. I have an office job. I don’t know how to eat healthy. I hate vegetables. No one will support me. I’m alone in this journey. etc. Excuse, excuse, excuse.

When that doctor told me that I needed to lose weight or I would have health issues (as I was already beginning to have) I was still in denial. Here I was 28 years old, staring at a prescription for medication to control my high blood pressure and all I could think about was that I didn’t have it in me to lose the amount of weight he advised. Me? The red-faced kid at the back of gym class? I can’t exercise, and I have no will-power so I can’t control my weight with just food. No, there was no way I would be one of those annoying girls running from the gym carrying a big bottle of water in her yoga pants.

I was focussed on the aesthetics & a scale number,  and not on what healthy felt like.  

I didn’t know that I was just handed the greatest gift. I didn’t know that THIS was the moment that I was going to take control of my life and find out what my body could do when I pushed it. What my body would  feel like when I fuelled it with whole natural foods and not fast food.  I learned the new meaning of what fast food should be, a piece of fruit on the go. I had no idea what it felt like to have that endorphine rush after a workout. I didn’t understand that I would feel pride like I’ve never felt before.

And ya, it was going to take some time, and a whole lot of sweat.

Never give up

But I knew if I treated my body well, my mind would follow. When you finally show yourself a ‘lil love, you learn to in fact truly love yourself and in turn you love others too.

beautiful

This was me hiding behind a smile (I remember how I felt in this photo and that smile was all kinds of fake)…

Chrissy242lbs

The truth is I don’t have many photos from that time in my life because I lived life as a wallflower. Life was safe that way. I didn’t need to have an opinion, I could live in my cloud of excuses with no bother.  I will tell you one thing, life was dreadfully boring that way. I think that’s why I make up my own fun now and laughter is such an important part of everyday, because everyday can be fun if you want it to. Instead of living in my head, I try my best to live life out-loud.

Like this guy: he makes up his own fun.

and this guy too…

You can have your own fun at home without public attention of course, crank your music and dance it out. Maybe shoulder dance in front of your computer!

What was my point? Oh yes, I do have a point… Life is a whole lot more fun when I have my health. Sometimes I need a reminder of that so I don’t take it for granted! I also need to throw out my scale and just focus on eating well and moving. I get too fixated on a magic number that may not be ideal for me as I change my program. Eat clean, move more, laugh often, indulge here and there, laugh, dance, toast a friend with a glass of red, laugh, eat clean, lift a little or a lot of weights, laugh, sleep. Repeat!

If you haven’t tried strength training, I encourage you to try it. Don’t know where to start? Hire a trainer. Yes, hiring a trainer isn’t cheap, but look at it as an investment into your future. Try going for a fitness assessment and ask the cost for creating a program tailored to you. This is knowledge you will have for the rest of your life. It’s a key to vitality!

You are stronger than you even realize.

Thank you to my life-saver Shannon, you have no idea what it meant to me to have you urging me on and getting me back on track in your motivating way. I will always remember your calming and supportive strength, and you’ve taught me so much!

So this is me the other day on my 37th birthday and that’s a real smile. I’m ready to take on this next challenge.

photo

I hope your day is ridiculously amazing!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Being Fit While Fighting Cancer

Published on by Christine2 Comments

Being Fit While Fighting Cancer

Guest Contribution by Melanie Bowen

General Benefits of Fitness

Physical fitness has a number of benefits for your many aspects of health. It plays a major role in the maintaining the energy balance of the body. The term energy balance is referencing the effects that weight, diet, and physical activity have on health. Some other benefits of physical activity include: weight control, reduction in the risk for diabetes and high blood pressure, keeping the bones, joints and muscles healthy, reducing the risk of heart disease, and reducing the risk of premature death. In order to gain the benefits of physical activity, it is recommended that adults get moderate-intensity activity lasting for at least 30 minutes for at least five days in a week. Vigorous-intensity level activity can be performed instead for twenty minutes at least three times a week.

Fitness and Cancer

Since the body’s immune system fights cancerous cells, along with other foreign bodies that may be in it, any aids to the body’s overall health can also be direct aids for the immune system. This makes it easier for the body to fight any foreign bodies including cancer. Another major reason for participating in physical activity is the increased cancer survival rates. Fitness, in addition to improving quality of life and minimizing fatigue, helped in dealing with treatment side effects. For those afflicted with mesothelioma, simple activities, such as walking, were shown to be strong aids in the energy levels of those undergoing treatment. Furthermore, physical activity has been shown to increase the rates of survival in women diagnosed with breast cancer compared to women who were sedentary. Colon cancer patients were also shown to have lower risks of the recurrence when patients participated in regular physical activity.

Physical activity has been shown to be a good overall aid to human health as well as to surviving many, if not all, types of cancer. The amount of activity needed to gain the benefits is a reasonably small portion of a person’s day and thus can be easily worked into a daily routine. Getting in the much-needed exercise today could help keep away a potentially deadly adversary down the line. Talk to your doctor today to develop a plan and get fit today!

Why I’m Ridiculously Ridiculous

Published on by Christine2 Comments

I realize my last blog post was in October of last year. I have created 6 drafts since then and I hit publish on none of them.

Since October, I have however managed to figure out what doesn’t work for me in the equation to maintain my healthy weight.

There are many ways to lose weight and keep it off, for me personally it’s an equation. If one part of that equation is missing, it just doesn’t work.

Here it is…

1. Eat healthy, well-balanced meals filled with raw vegetables, fruits, lean protein, and whole grains. Follow the 80/20 rule. I am on-track with my meals 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time, I’m not so stringent. I enjoy suppers out with friends. I eat until I’m full. No need to scrape my plate clean! I need the freedom to enjoy a thoughtfully prepared meal in a nice restaurant without guilt. I just do.

2. Stay active with purpose: Cardio + Strength Training.  It needs to be activity that I enjoy and this requires music turned up as loud as it will go. Make it count. If I only have a 1/2 an hour to workout, I better make it worth it. If my face isn’t bright red and sweat isn’t pouring, then I’m not working hard enough.

3. This is the most important part of my equation: My mindset. I must look at staying healthy and fit as a lifestyle. The word “Lifestyle” means for Life and to do so with style. 😉 Not for a month, or a week, or a day, but for always.  As long as I’m physically able to move, damn it…I will.  I must look at this lifestyle as a gift. Because it is.

Now let me explain how I’ve failed in my equation for the last few months, specifically in the Mindset area.

I’ve had a little pity party for myself that has lasted far too long. I haven’t been too far off on the eating and exercise part of the equation (given I will always enjoy the foods that come along with Christmas); however, I’ve had a piss poor attitude about it.

~Insert spoiled brat face here~

My inner dialogue was one of defiance:  Why do I have to continue to watch everything I eat, exercise 5 times a week just to maintain my healthy weight when I know many people who are blessed with a much faster metabolism who can skip work outs and eat french fries and still weigh the same.

Guess what? I am ridiculously ridiculous folks.

Here’s why. My sister (who once was a track star in her teen years) has Multiple Sclerosis and I don’t.

If I have the ability to run, move, make healthy food choices for myself, then why am I angry about it? My health is my responsibility alone. No one can or will make those choices for me.  If I decide (and yes, it’s a conscious decision) to make unhealthy choices and destroy the healthy body that I’ve been given…wouldn’t that be so sad? What a waste. I get that choice when others, such as my beautiful, full-of-life, track-star sister had their choices ripped away from them. Do I actually think my sister would complain about exercising daily? Would she moan about getting into her car and driving to the grocery store to pick out fresh produce? Would she be annoyed that she has to prepare her own fresh salad?

I will tell you one thing I know, if my sister could be given my body for one day, she would put me to shame. She would fit more life, activity, connection, and joy into a 24 hour span, than I do in months. I took the time to think about that which was an uncomfortable feeling. You need to feel the uncomfortable and the pain. You need to sit in it, bathe in it, take a walk with it, let it sink right in to truly understand the changes your life requires to reach your goals. You need to change the way you think about life.

Yes my friends, I am ridiculously ridiculous. I’ve used “things” so that I don’t have to feel uncomfortable. I’m stripping that away.

I am full of gratitude and thanks for this healthy body I have. I will treat it with respect. I will feed it the foods it was meant to be fuelled with. I will wear a smile as I run. Because it’s a gift. Anything short of treating it that way is insulting…especially to those who struggle with their health.

I’m not sure if I’ve articulated my thoughts as clearly as I’d hoped. I want to encourage you to get up and get active if you are lucky enough to be able. I want to challenge you to think about the belief systems that are not serving your life in a positive way. To think about the lies you tell yourself that enable you to stay in a pattern of behaviour that make it impossible for you to reach your goals. That is not your truth.

We do not have to settle for mediocre effort. We do not have to settle for just getting by. When was the last time you pushed yourself out of your physical comfort zone? Do not compare your progress to another’s. You just have to ask yourself: Did I push myself today? Can my body do more than it did the last week? Am I getting stronger? Is my endurance improving the more I push?  That is what matters. That is what will allow you to feel the joy of success.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

The Biggest Responsibility of a Parent

Published on by Christine4 Comments

Here in Canada, we just celebrated Thanksgiving.  Status updates of thankfulness flooded my facebook news feed. Posts about family, love, and happiness were abundant. I spent a wonderful week-end with my family.  All the people I met while out and about in preparation for a week-end of food and family were full of joy. The spirit of Thanksgiving had touched everyone I crossed paths with.

It was rainbows, unicorns, and butterflies…at least for a little while. Until the week after Thanksgiving came and I could only wonder if there was a full moon.

Some angry dude cut me off in traffic.

A message of hate popped up within a group supporting Children’s hopes and dreams. To be honest my first thought was “You sir, are an ass hat.” I tried to reply with tact in the face of such hatred and ignorance.

My facebook feed of thanksgiving was replaced with a handful of rants and complaints.  Not many, but just enough to make me want to shut down my account in annoyance. I have so much to be thankful for…we all do. The freedom of expression and of speech, a warm house to live in, and food in my belly. The fact I’ve struggled with my weight all these years is a clear indicator of just how lucky I have been to have a fridge stocked with more food than I need.

My daughter came home in tears because a girl in school called her fat. Again.

I could list more examples, but it doesn’t matter. You get the point.

As I was wondering what is wrong with people, a thought came to mind “Who are these people’s parents? How is it they don’t know how to treat others with respect?”  The answer to this question, and the responsibility for this issue flooded my heart. I realized that I hold the key to the solution.

Because I AM A PARENT.

One thing I’ve learned through raising three kids, is that they are born pure of heart. They learn their behaviour based on their environment.  Kids are giving, loyal, loving, and accepting.  They play hard, dream big, and love with no limits.

We as parents have a responsibility my friends.  Among the many responsibilities we shoulder, above all we need to teach our children to be kind, patient, loving, and giving. We need to show them how to put the needs of others before our own, to help our neighbours, our friends, our family, and yes…even strangers too.

As I was deep in thought, I challenged myself with these questions: Am I the example my children need of a person who shows others love and kindness?  Are they learning these important lessons at home?  It’s not enough for me to explain kindness to my kids, I need to show my children through my actions.

Actions speak volumes, and repetition of action breeds habit. Acts of kindness will be engrained within them like rings on a tree. It’s effortless because it becomes who they are as people. Given the environment of generosity and selflessness, little people with big hearts mature into grown ups with giving hearts.

I wanted to share this with you today not to imply that you aren’t raising your kids right, but rather to encourage you to show love to others in ways that your children will replicate. Our children are watching us.

I am humbled by today’s revelation, and I will put these thoughts into actions to make sure that I am an example of kindness that my children desperately need to in turn show kindness and acceptance to others.

I may not be able to change the world, but I can affect the way my three amazing children view this world. I can teach them to give and in turn they will make this beautiful world a better place not just for themselves, but for those around them who need their support and love.

It’s not enough to be kind to those we love. Anyone can do that.

To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done – this is how I desire to waste wisely my days.
Thomas Dekker 

From my thankful heart to yours,

Christine

Motivation to Shut Up and Run

Published on by Christine12 Comments

I took a sabbatical from exercise. And then I ate chocolate like there was a prohibition on chocolate. I ate, drank, and oh I was merry…for a little while anyway. I not only fell off the wagon, but I hacked it up into kindling, started a bonfire and made smores by it.

Why?  I really don’t know but…

I.

Checked.

Out.

Here’s what I do know, my body was pissed right off that I took a break. And I explained to it that “we were on a break”, but it didn’t seem to matter because it fought back like a cat stuffed in a boot (weird reference, but sadly I’ve actually saw my Dad stuff a cat into a boot. Don’t judge, it bounced out and lived for another 20 years).

My joints seized up; if I sat too long I had to shuffle for a bit after standing just to get going. My skin broke out…it’s not fun having the skin of a 13-year-old boy let me tell you.  I was sad for no clear reason and I wanted to punch things. Often. I was hungry more often even though I was eating foods that were richer in fat content and calories. For the first time in years, I wanted to binge on potato chips. The kind of binge where you suddenly awake as if in a trance-like-state surrounded by potato-chip crumbs. I was sick more often within two months than I had been in years. Doesn’t that sound fun?!

So the other day I decided I was going to go back to eating healthy foods and get off my ever-expanding tush and go for a run. I loaded up my iPod with a Power playlist that makes it impossible to sit still while listening (or at least will have you shoulder dancing). The 5K that I could once run in 30 minutes, took me 41 minutes. It was like starting from scratch. My legs felt like I had small children attached to each one and I drug them the entire way.

As I was running, I thought about ways to trick my mind into thinking this run was enjoyable and hopefully I would feel motivated to press on for the full 5K. Here’s what I came up with…

  • Pretend I am getting chased by hissing geese (which has happened to me before). That got me through one KM.
  • Pretend someone is running beside me critiquing me on my running style (steady breathing, abs in, look straight ahead). A judgemental Gazelle was running along side me (at first I spelled it “Giselle” but I mean the animal, not the hot super model).
  • Remember that movie “Speed” with Sandra Bullock where the bus would blow up if it quit moving? I am the bus. Don’t stop or I will undoubtably blow up.
  • Talk to myself like a crazy person “you can do it, keep going, suck it up princess, even though you are running slow your ass could be planted on a couch right now…so that makes you awesome.”
  • The sweat pouring down my face is toxins leaving my body
  • Wear a tank top from “Ruffles with Love” found on ETSY that reads “Shut Up and Run”.  I don’t want to be an oxymoron…that chick along the running trail who’s stopped, doubled over, dry heaving while gripping her aching muscles sportin’ a “shut up and run” tank top.  It will in fact force you to shut up and run. I can rest when I’m done.

after my 5K

I’m pleased to report that I did finish my 5K and I’m back on my healthy eating/exercise program. Remind me to never check out again, that wasn’t fun in the long run.

Here’s some power list songs that keep me running when I want to stop:

“Rusted From the Rain” by Billy Talent

“Hitchin’ a Ride” by Green Day

“Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys

“Electric Worry” by Clutch

“Uprising” by Muse

“Some Nights” by Fun

“A Warrior’s Call” by Volbeat

“Let it Roll” by Flo Rida

“Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” by Pink

“Tonight is the Night” by Outasight

“All of the Lights” by Kanye West

“99 Problems” by Hugo

“Where Them Girls At” by David Guetta, Flo Rida, Nicki Minaj

If anything you’ve read here makes you want to Shut up and Run, then my work here is done.  😉

From my heart to yours,

Christine

P.S. I have yet to weigh myself, but the muffin top that spills over my jeans tells me I have some work to do. Ok body, we are no longer “on a break”.

A Promise to Moms with Little Ones

Published on by Christine18 Comments

Dear Moms with Little Ones,

I watched you drag your children kicking and screaming out of the store the other day.  You turned your back for a moment, and your little boy grabbed his sister’s hair and pulled hard. While your daughter was screaming at the top of her lungs, she punched your son in the face and they both wailed. You calmly paid for your items at the till while they air slapped one another in a screaming contest. You didn’t lose your cool, but your face was twisted with frustration.

It reminded me of the time my sister and I took my son to the mall. He wanted a toy. I said no. He laid on the floor and kicked and screamed and told me I wasn’t fair. Apparently this one toy would solve all his problems, and I was the only thing standing in the way of total peace and contentment….perhaps even world domination.

Now since this was almost 15 yrs ago, this may not be exact, but in my mind this was the conversation between my sister Brenda and I while my son wailed and flailed in the hallway of the Vermilion Mall.

Brenda: “What do we do?!”

Me: “I don’t know, this is my first kid! He’s never been overtaken by evil before.”

Brenda: “Well we better do something, everyone is staring.”

(And by everyone, she means 5 people in the mall in Vermilion)

Me: “I will pick him up and take him out. Yes, that’s what I should do.”

*insert me trying to pick up my flailing child (did he grow more limbs?!) before his head turned a complete 360 like that possessed kid in the Exorcist movie*

Brenda: “He just kicked you in the face.”

Me: “Well now this is embarrassing. Jimmy Cryderman is staring. Help me pick this kid up.”

Brenda: “No, he will kick me in the face.”

Me: “I will pay you in compliments if you help me take Satan away from the toys and deposit him in his car seat where he can be strapped down.”

Brenda: “I accept this deal, but you get his feet. I’ll take his hands.”

And with that, we transport my screaming toddler out of the mall like we were loading a sandbag. He did an alligator roll so it was quite the task. I like to think we did so with grace and dignity, but I know that wasn’t the case. We got the giggles. Yes, picture that. Two giggling girls carrying a screaming child out of the mall.

My point to this story is for all you Moms who are still in this stage of life. The stage of life when you are setting boundaries for your small children will strip you of your dignity. It will make you feel like you are inadequate and ridiculous.

When my kids were small, other Moms would approach me and say “Enjoy them while they are young!” and I remember thinking “Are you crazy?! I feel like a failure daily trying to shape these kids to be responsible adults who won’t kill puppies”

Let me give you the other side of the coin. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the baby/toddler stage. But let’s face it, I spent most of my time stalking them so they didn’t run into the lake while we were camping, or try to pet a tiger when we went to the zoo. I’m now at a different stage; one that I’m head-over-heels in love with. My little toy-possessed boy has grown into the most amazing, kind, respectful, and generous young man. He’s turning 16 in October. My other two kids are 10 and 7. I don’t have to stalk them anymore, they know their boundaries. All that embarrassment in the beginning years was worth it. I can read a book on the beach while they play now. We can go out for family suppers without the threat of temper tantrums. No more diapers, no more mandatory naps…It’s awesome. While I do miss my little babies so much, I’m focussing on the joy that lives within this stage and the freedom that exists within our growing family as we watch them develop into amazing people.

To all the Moms of little ones out there, if you are wondering if there is light at the end of the setting-boundaries tunnel…I’m here to tell you there is. And it’s ridiculously fun.

I will leave you with some photos from our summer so far. The first picture is my oldest son (the feature of my story) with my daughter whom he protects and loves so much.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Riding in Cars with Hitchhikers

Published on by Christine2 Comments

During my childhood, my Dad always found the good in everyone…and I truly mean everyone. Even those who my teenage brain had decided were losers. It was highly annoying back in my selfish youth.

He offered jobs to men struggling to find work, paid for meals, gave money to the homeless holding signs.

He picked up hitchhikers. A lot of hitchhikers. I cozied up to many. I don’t remember thinking it wasn’t safe. It was just normal and we got to know the life stories of each of those we picked up.

Even though it’s been 20+ years since one of his daughters has been in 4-H, he still buys a sheep at the yearly 4-H sale. I call them his feral sheep, he pastures some and they run wild with the horses.

I never understood his intense desire to accept and find good in all he met.

I get it now Dad.

Because…

I’ve been broken.

Judged.

Misunderstood.

Looked down upon.

By many who had decided they knew what was “right” for my life. Which must have meant that I’ve lived the “wrong” way all these years…who knew?!   They’ve come in all shapes and sizes: super-moms, the popular, the wealthy with more worldly goods than one would need in 5 lifetimes, and those who wish I would live their version of their religion…or no religion at all.  The scope is wide.

And now that I understand acceptance, I don’t understand the need to correct another’s way of life.

I do know one important truth…

Even the mighty will fall.

And when they do, there will be people like my Dad who will accept them with open arms without criticism or judgement.

What this world needs is love, acceptance, kindness, positivity, and generosity.

I’m not interested in your version of how I should live my life.

Because I don’t need fixing thank you very much.

I’m no longer broken.

I’m just weird crazy me. The odd chick who makes up awkward yoga poses in her spare time.

And if you can deal with that, then I look forward to getting to know you for you. Just as you are, with complete freedom to say what you feel, and to live your life as you see fit.

I will leave you with this thought: We all want to be accepted for our authentic selves, yet the same respect is not always given in return. If we were to give the gift of acceptance to others, wouldn’t our whole outlook change? Thoughts? I welcome your insight!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

The Privilege of Busy

Published on by Christine4 Comments

Today’s day is flat-out. There’s so much on my to-do list. Laundry, cleaning, burning CDs, editing, uploading, organizing, emailing, scheduling photo sessions around many schedules, shopping for my son’s grade 9 farewell, kid’s homework to help with, a sink of dirty dishes to sort out, company coming for supper, and the most frustrating confusing task of matching up the odd socks. What happens to the other sock? Where does it go? I don’t understand.

Just yesterday I felt fabulous. I was woman, hear me roar. I even curled my hair for no other reason than to let it bounce in the wind when I went for a run. What a difference a day makes.

On a side note about the busy side of this picture: let’s look at it so you can understand just how frazzled I truly am. The rose glasses? Part of a Halloween costume that I didn’t put away. Yes I realize it’s now May. That Tiara? Well, I just like wearing tiaras sometimes. It makes me feel fancy when I work. Those socks have no pair, and there’s a huge basket with more. And Brandy, that disk is yours.

Anywhoooooo, as I was running in circles within my mind like a deranged chick, I had one of these lovely revelations that I’ve been blessed to see lately.

You see, not long ago I visited my Grandmother in the lodge. It was just before supper time and as I walked Grandma to her seat at her table I noticed a lady sitting on a chair staring out the front doors. She didn’t move to join the others for supper and she wore an expression of longing. As I was leaving, I said hello to her and asked her if everything was OK. She  quietly replied that she was waiting for her family. As I made my way to my car, I realized that many of the residents at the lodge spend a lot of time waiting.  Their once overwhelmingly busy lives are now full of normality and routine.  I felt guilty for walking away to the car I can drive back to my busy family.

I felt guilty because I take it for granted. Yes, I take busy for granted. All these tasks I have to do in my day is because I have a purpose to some very special people. The purpose of being a Mom, a wife, a friend, a photographer of love. I am needed. I am blessed. I am an important element to the thread that holds this busy family together.

In the midst of my crazy day, I just wanted to take a quick moment to share that thought with you. To all you overwhelmed Moms who master the art of being busy, we are lucky and we are privileged.

I encourage you to enjoy your busy today, because I was reminded that one day life won’t be so busy. I sure will miss all the crazy….like crazy.

From my busy thankful heart to yours,

Christine