Tag: Lifestyle

Here’s to the Encouragers and the Positivity Gushers

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As of tomorrow, I’ve lived 7 years at my goal weight. I can’t begin to explain to you how thankful I am for that fact. Each year when I hit my anniversary, I am even more grateful.

I am grateful because I owe a huge dept of gratitude to the encouragers.
The cheer-ers on. The uplifters. The positivity gushers. The glass-is-half-full thinkers.

Of all the qualities I admire most in others, I believe the gift of Encouragement is the most important. It truly is a gift.

We have no idea what others are going through in their life.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned during the past 7 years it’s that people wear masks and hide the fact they could use a little support and encouragement.  Moms live through a super-mom era, where we are expected to do it all with a smile. Us Moms are our own worst contributors to it.

The gift of encouragement is small, but it means the world to those that need it most…which is all of us isn’t it? Who couldn’t use an uplifting comment?

Through my life experience, here’s what I’ve observed: women attack women on various parenting and life issues.  This way is right, and this way is wrong: You should breast feed. You should home-school, or you shouldn’t home-school. You should put your boys in hockey, and your girls in dance. You should dress them in brand name clothing, or you shouldn’t dress them in brand name clothing. You shouldn’t buy them an X-box. You should bring a variety of organic snacks to play group. You should never vacation without the children, or you should vacation without the children.  You shouldn’t get a divorce, or you should get married. You shouldn’t have kids out-of-wedlock. You shouldn’t have a glass of wine at night. You shouldn’t write about (insert another’s values here)  in your blog. You shouldn’t have plastic surgery. You’re too fat. You’re too thin. You’re too sensitive. You’re too confident. You’re too shy.

On and on it goes…the destructive trail of Should’s and Shouldn’ts that deflate a woman’s confidence. If you really think about it, Shoulds or Shouldn’ts carry a lot of arrogance and ignorance. We are all wonderfully unique with a vastly different view-point on how life “should” be lived. So let’s just live it, the only way that is right for each one of us! Let’s be remembered for the gift of encouragement rather than the harmful and critical words with even the best intentions…because words live on within the memory.

I was reflecting over what I’ve learned since my last goal-weight anniversary, and if I could sum it up in one statement it’s this….

My point is this, here’s my resolve for going forward to the next goal-weight anniversary: I’m going to do my very best to hand out as much encouragement as I can to those I know and to those I don’t. I’m going to uplift and recognize all the amazing qualities that I sincerely appreciate in others. I’m not going to focus on the areas in other’s lives that differ from my own, because who am I to say my way is the “right” way.  I’m just going to appreciate all the good in others.  Positive out, positive in. Kindness breads kindness. A smile is infectious. A giving heart is beautiful.

For all those I love in life, thank you for all your goodness, positivity, kindness, joy, generosity, and support. Thank you for picking me up when I am down and encouraging me to push on. Even though I have encountered many should’s and shouldn’ts in life, the only thing that I will give any power to within my memory are the gifts of encouragement….I plan to return that gift because I am acutely aware of how different my life could have been without that support. 🙂

So if all you manage to achieve today is a little positivity gushing to another, I’d say that’s a day well spent.

From my encouraging heart to yours,

Christine

P.S. You are awesome. And beautiful. And amazing. And loved.

It’s All About Your Heart

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Fifteen years ago, on a beautiful October day crisp with the brilliant orange and yellows of fall, I secured my newborn beautiful son into his car seat ready to leave the hospital. I remember thinking “Are you actually going to let me leave with this new soul without asking if I’m at all capable of taking care of him?”

The golden morning light filtered through the window surrounding both of us, and I sat on the edge of the hospital bed and cried.

My favourite nurse walked into the room.

I was embarrassed and quickly wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my sweater.

Surely this was supposed to be the most exciting morning of my life! I was about to take this perfect baby home and shower him with love. I dreamed of this day since I was a little girl.

But I was scared beyond belief. I was responsible for his happiness and security, and I felt completely unprepared.

The nurse walked over to me and tenderly placed her hand on my shoulder. In a calm and reassuring tone she said “You will do just fine. Don’t worry. When you have your first child, no one ever tells you that you may not feel how you think you should. Just go home and love him.”

And then she prayed for me while I bawled like a baby.

I will never forget her kindness. It was probably something she did often for new Moms she cared for, but to me it was the most unbelievable gift of encouragement during the time when I needed it most.

To all you Moms out there, whether you are new to the role or seasoned veterans…

You are amazing.

There is no right way, just your own way.

For every unsolicited bit of advice you will receive about how to “properly” care for your child, simply listen to your own voice that instinctual knows what is best for your child.

Your children will flourish in your love. They will remember it.

When you rest your tired eyes at the end of a busy day and think about all the things you could have done better, remember that the memories your children will treasure most when they grow up are the happy ones.

They won’t remember that you burned the cookies, they will remember that you took the time to bake them cookies.

They won’t remember that you were a little late for their school play, they will remember that you sat on the edge of your seat with pride-filled eyes waving back at them when it was their turn to perform.

They won’t remember that your floors were dirty with watery footprints and sand, they will remember running with reckless abandon through the ice-cold sprinkler in the heat of the day and squishing the sand between their toes in the sandbox.

They won’t remember the hours of overtime put in to save for a holiday, they will remember the amazing family vacation where their laughter floated on the summer breeze.

They won’t remember the me-time you took away from the family to feel like yourself again, they will remember the happy Mom who returned with a revived spirit.

They won’t remember the days you couldn’t get away from your responsibilities to attend their school field trips, they will remember the school events you did make it to.

And they most likely won’t remember the expensive toy you caved in and bought after weeks of their insistent begging, but rather the refrigerator box you magically transformed into a space ship.

They will remember family dinners around home-cooked meals, and family dinners around take-out.

They will remember:

~your strong spirit

~your perseverance

~your loving embrace

~your encouraging words

~your tenacity

~your compassion

~your smile

~your laughter

~your soft heart

Sometimes us Moms need to give ourselves a break, and focus on the areas we excel, rather than the areas we lack.

Because our children will remember all the brilliance, magic, and good that lived within those precious childhood years.

In the words of a favourite artist Mindy Gledhill…

It’s all about your heart.

From my soft-Mom-heart to yours,

Christine

Shifting Focus: a Letter of Love to Women

Published on by Christine2 Comments

Women, we are too hard on ourselves my friends! As a photographer, I am acutely aware of this fact.  You see I photograph families. I am beyond excited when I capture an image that portrays the love that lives within the everyday. The kind of natural exchange of love that lies within a look, a gentle swipe of hair off the brow, an embrace, a shared laugh with locked eyes. I share this lovey dovey image with my client and she tells me she doesn’t care for it because her thighs look big, or her arms look chubby, or her stomach looks saggy, etc.  Rather than focusing on the love, she focusses on her physical body.

I understand it all too well. There was a time in my life, more predominately when I was at my heaviest, when I refused to be photographed. I saw a camera and I ran for the hills. If forced into a photo, I opted for the “Gopher” pose. You know the old hide-behind-everyone-in-the-back-row-and-poke-your-head-up look. Looking back on it, I now realize I took years of printed memories away from my children.

I had a revelation the other day while I was trying in vain to fall asleep. A memory popped into my mind from a few years ago that happened while I was visiting my little sister Brenda. We woke up on a lazy Saturday morning. Brenda and I poured our coffees and sat in the filtered sun surrounded by our children who were in their glory to wake up and play together. The girls were playing dress up and skipping around the house filling the room with laughter. My son Lucas was composing his very own piece of music on the piano while my other son Ty laid on the floor playing with his iPod. Brenda’s daughter banged her chin on the ground and ran to the reassuring arm’s of her Mom so she could be inspected for injuries.

Click….

Click…

Click…

As Brenda talked to my Dad on the phone, my niece ran over to me and asked for an airplane ride. I laid down the camera, and my shutter-bug son Lucas picked it up.

Click…

The reason I have this memory is because of these photographs. Had this moment not been captured, I would have never remembered this hour of everyday life. Through time, this seemingly insignificant everyday life moment has transformed into an extremely significant memory that tugs at my heart-strings every time I look at it.

Here’s a weird fact: If I see something I want to remember and I don’t have a camera, I hold up my hand to where a camera should be and click the air with my right index finger. Yes, it’s weird but I swear it forces the image into my mind.

Moms: our children don’t look at our physical body. They just love their Mom. They see  our spirit, our heart, our love…not our body. I think about how I love my own children, purely, wildly, and with all that I have. It has nothing to do with aesthetics, yet I hold so many judgements when it comes to my body.

Those self-deprecating thoughts that play in our mind about our body are damaging, not just to ourselves, but to those who love us.  Can you imagine saying any of those things to a loved one?  Imagine telling your sister, or your mother, or your girlfriend, or your child:  “Great family photo, but your arms look huge.”  Yet, we accept this as our own truth. What does that say to our children? What are they learning from us?

My sister Janice is unable to walk without support because of MS. Can you imagine if I said to her “I hate my jiggly thighs.”   The thought of it makes me cringe.

To all you Women out there…

Appreciate your bodies. Your legs allow you to walk/run/dance, your arms allow you to embrace, your smile lights up a room and exudes warmth and joy.

Be good to yourself, children are listening, watching, and learning from you.

You are not defined by your physical body, it’s a part of who you are as a whole but it’s merely the vehicle for the spirit.

Let’s stop trying to be something that we are not but rather shift our focus to all that we are!

We can blame the media for our focus on the physical, but we buy into it.  To change it, we need to take responsibility for feeding our insecurities.

What would be so wrong with loving ourselves the way our loved ones do? The person we are as a whole. The generosity we show, the love we give, the energy we put into making the world a little brighter. The raising of spirited little children into confident self-assured adults.

When you wake up in the morning, be proud of the person you see in the reflection of the mirror.

You are beautiful.

You are amazing.

You are loved.

You are different!

Just be you with confidence and pride.

Treat yourself with the same level of love and respect as you treat those you love most.

And the next time someone asks to take your photo, remember that photo will produce a memory. Your loved ones need those.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Life is Good, Not Perfect

Published on by Christine13 Comments

We live in an online era where friend’s and family’s lives are visual.  Where we once met other disheveled, sleep-deprived, and frazzled Moms in school hallways, we now focus on bright shiny pictures of kid’s first days of school: perfect hair, perfect clothing, and the beautiful Mom smiling proudly beside them.

There is nothing wrong with that, I love looking at my friend’s and family’s photos they post online. I feel connected to them when life gets busy or when miles keep us apart.  The trap lies within the perfect, because really…who’s life is perfect?

I’ve fallen into the trap of envying another’s seemingly flawless life who appears to be full of fun and adventure.  It’s not the type of envy where I wish I was them, but rather I wish I had life figured out a little more!  I struggle with keeping up with my kid’s homework, sports, housework, the mountain of laundry that grows daily, photography, bake sales, picture day, and at times I forget to brush my own hair…and then I get a glimpse of another’s “perfect” life and I wonder why I can’t get it all together.  What am I doing wrong!?

That has me wondering if I portray my life to be full of roses and lollipops…I assure you the roses are often neglected and the lollipops may have hit the crumb filled floor, but it’s OK…the 5 second rule dictates it’s still edible.

I do know that I’m far too awkward to hold onto a perfect-life illusion for any amount of time. The other day I parked my bike in the school parking lot and it tipped over in the wind. I had my mail stuffed into my bike basket and I had to run around catching it while it flew in the wind. This magical moment happened as the school bell rang so I was lucky to have an audience of many adults and kids. I would have aborted the mission after a few long minutes, but the mail had my name and address on it. Why must I be so awkward?

Anywhoooo, I’m focussing on gratitude these days, which means when I say “Life is Good”, it’s usually in the midst of dealing with something difficult and well…not so good. I’m trying to appreciate the beauty that lives within everyday life despite the trials and the heart-ache that goes along with it.  We wouldn’t appreciate the good without the bad.

So let me be real here.

Take for instance this photo:

I went for a bike ride that cold day in April because I was incredibly down, life’s “it’s not fair” moments had piled up. I was angry at God because my Dad has Cancer. Minutes before I took the shadow photos, I sat on a park bench and told myself not to cry. Despite my will to keep it bottled up, I cried anyway. I took this photo because photography makes me feel better, as does exercise. It’s an emotional release that is in my control, when life is out of control.

Or how about this photo:

This was the first day of school this past September. My oldest son almost missed the bus so I could take the 1st day photo which “I HAD TO HAVE” (I actually yelled that from behind my camera).  You obviously can’t see me in this photo, but if you could, you would have averted your eyes. I was sporting mis-matched ugly PJ’s, wild tatty hair, and my mascara had made a run for it.

And lastly this photo:

This was my last day of 34. I felt anxious that day because I hadn’t accomplished what I wanted to in 34 years. I chose that necklace, because it was a gift from a dear friend and it means a lot (thank you Tawn). I got over it and embraced 35 by the next day. But on this day, I was quite insecure which I covered with a smile.  🙂

So this post is for any woman who has looked at another with envy and thought to herself “why can’t I be as put together as she is.” or “why can’t I be as confident as her?”  Chances are, she isn’t as confident or put together as she seems.

And this post is for any Mother who wishes she could be better based on the outside view of another Mom.  I’m willing to bet, she too wishes she could be a better Mom and may even look the same way at you. There is no handbook for parenting, you just do your best from one day to the next.

I try to remember this when I see a horrified Mom standing in a grocery store line while her screaming kids flail around because they want candy.  It’s in my nature to look away so I don’t embarrass her, but if it was me…I would love another Mom to say “I’ve been there. I can relate.”  There is support and kindness within empathy.

Yes life is good, but it sure isn’t perfect.  Please remember that if you ever feel less than.  We are all perfectly imperfect.

From my heart to yours,

Christine