I used to weigh myself daily, sometimes several times a day sadly. I believed I needed something, a quantitative measure of the work I was putting in. I noticed something though, my moods arose and fell within that number. If it was what I wanted to see, my food choices changed (for the worse actually) and if the number was too high, I restricted too much. I placed self-value on 3 digits. Three insignificant numbers that had nothing to do with who I am as a person.

In 2013, I decided to only weigh myself once a month. At the first of every month, I stepped on my nemesis and logged the number. That one day would hold with it either a sense of pride or a feeling of failure. But I learned to move on quickly. The days in between contained the lifestyle I have come to love.

Last month as I was logging my weight, I noticed something. For the past two years my weight has gone up and down within the same 10 pounds range in the exact same months. Huh. So I started thinking about it, why is my weight the same during specific times of the year?

It’s because of the natural ebbs and flows of my life.

January’s weight gain is full of family love and Christmas cheer. Of buns rising on the table in the dappled light. Of gifts of baking from neighbours, friends and family. Of turkey, and stuffing, and cheersing to the year ahead. Of hibernation within the dark days.

March to April’s weight loss is full of runs in the sun and extra time to focus on the love of fitness. Of biking through puddles and jumping over patches of ice.

July to August’s weight gain is overflowing with campfire smores, BBQ’s and lazy boating days with full coolers and even fuller hearts as family set aside time to be together. Of walking paths of green a little slower to smell the flowers. Of passing twizzlers down the row of sunbathing sisters as we watch our kids play together on the beach.

Now that I’ve transitioned from diet mentality to Lifestyle, from losing to maintaining…I can relax a little and enjoy this journey without a critical mind.

This. Is. Life. My crazy, active, foodie, busy life.

This May marks 10 years at my goal weight. Just as there are ebbs and flows within relationships this too is the same. It is pointless to feel guilt followed by pride followed by guilt when there is so much life to be lived without worrying about what a scale says. I don’t need a measure in all reality. I need balance. I need authentic personal connection. As much as I absolutely love fitness (which I sure do), I also love sharing a lovingly prepared meal with those I love. No guilt attached, I know that I will run it off at some point because I’m committed to this lifestyle…so chill.

For every sunset there’s a sunrise, for every argument with someone you love  there’s forgiveness and moving forward, for every season of indulgence and rest there’s a season of work and tenacity.

I’m thankful for life’s Ebbs and Flows for it brings balance.

From my heart to yours,

Christine