Author: Christine

On Purpose

Published on by Christine1 Comment

On Purpose.

There are times in life that remind me that life is meant to be savoured. Life’s a gift and each day is fresh and brand new. It’s meant to be lived with purpose.

I often think about what my purpose is in life, because without purpose, there is no direction.  I get caught up in the hectic pace of life, and forget to enjoy the little moments full of pure joy that are there right before me. If only I would stop, listen, and live consciously. Soak it all in.  These little nuggets of joy are all around us my friends.

You see, kids know when these moments happen, they live within the joy of a moment and they don’t need to be reminded to live consciously.  They aren’t aware of insecurities. They love and live without condition.

You know the saying “Dance like no one’s watching”?  Have you ever watched a little girl dance? She always dances like no one’s watching. She isn’t yet burdened with outside influences.  She just is exactly who she is. Purely authentic.

And then we loose pieces of that as we grow older.  We lose our ability to just be.

I was thinking about Purpose today, and what it is that I want to achieve in life.  It’s easy in today’s society to get caught up in the “Keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. We work so hard for “stuff”, and no matter how much one makes, there is always more “stuff” to buy.  Love doesn’t live within “things”.  Surely my purpose isn’t to be successful in terms of monetary possessions.  What’s unique or purposeful about that?

I do know where there is no purpose in my life, and it’s taken me a long time to come to this place and accept that it’s just not a healthy reality.  There is no purpose found within negativity, judgments, insecurities, jealousy, and lack of forgiveness.  All these things weigh on a person’s soul. They are a burden on the heart. There is true freedom to just. let it. go.

How do you do that? You focus on the good, the now, the present, the positive, the gratitude. Perception, perception, perception.

Friendship and the ability to give unto others without expectation is a gift.

I was reminded these past couple of weeks that life is too short, and life is meant to be LIVED. Lived with purpose and pride.  If I get to the core of it, I know that’s why I love to stay active, because it’s when I feel the most alive.  It’s a gift.  Yes, health is a gift.

There is no comparison to how I feel now versus how I felt when I first started the path to reclaim my life. I’m not only speaking about the changes physically, but more importantly the changes within my heart and mind. I took so much for granted. I didn’t feel the responsibility to take care of myself. I gave up in many ways. I’ve changed my lifestyle because there is no going back to that space I lived in for many years. It fills no purpose in my life today because I didn’t like who I was then.

I should clarify in case you haven’t read other posts, that I don’t believe happiness comes based on the physical body. I can only speak from my own personal experiences. For me, self-acceptance and pride happened when I found ways to feel alive inside again. Those amazing bits of life that kids just inherently know to experience.  A big part of that was getting active and to stop watching life go by from the side-lines.  Happiness is a choice, and a big part of feeling gratitude and joy lives within how one perceives life.

My goal is to live consciously, be reverent of the amazing moments life dishes out when one least expects it (and often in the most unlikely of places), and to live a life full of purpose and gratitude.  Change can only occur when action is taken.

I know I’ve shared this quote a few times, but it’s one of those amazing life quotes that has to be read a few times to truly sink in!

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” George Bernard Shaw

I’ve lived far too much of my life waiting for life to start. I didn’t realize that life actually starts when I say so and I simply had to get out there and start living it!   Not all of life is supposed to be “sunshine” and “rainbows”. How would we truly know how to appreciate life if it was always good? Adversity is what brings about reflection, change, and gratitude.

I have so much to be grateful for.

Thankful…

From my heart to yours,

Christine

On cancer

Published on by Christine11 Comments

Yesterday was a hard day for our family….

I didn’t think about what I was going to say when I made that video. I just blurted out how I was feeling at that moment, I’ve never made a video before.

You see, my Mom, Dad, Aunty and I went into the appointment with the specialist at the Cross Cancer Institute feeling great about the appointment as we thought the doctor would just say that his levels had risen just a bit, nothing to worry about. It would take time for the levels to come down, and they will just keep an eye on it. Obviously that was not the case.

As we walked into the Cross Cancer Institute, I saw so many people sitting and waiting. Our waiting room was quiet. Chairs lined the halls, filled with people of all ages. All Waiting. Waiting for their turn to hear what the specialist would advise.

We were called into the doctor’s office, we all sat together, listening to the doctor explain the details in layman’s terms. He was very thorough and gave so much info that there was very little left to ask by the end of the appointment. We wore very little emotion on our faces, we all sat there expressionless. Like the wind had been knocked out of us. My Dad has the more aggressive type of Prostate cancer. There was no way I was going to break down at all, because that wouldn’t be fair to my father to have to comfort me when it’s him that has to deal with the reality that is cancer.

“Thank you for your time Doctor”. He left to explain the status of another cancer patient’s treatment in the next room. It was time to leave, digest the information, and Dad was advised to call back with what his decision would be. Wait? Seek radiation therapy as soon as possible?  Dad’s main worry after the appointment was in regards to who would look after his cattle. Yup, that’s my Dad, a soft-hearted man.

When we walked out of the doctor’s office into the waiting room, everything looked different. I smiled at everyone lined up still waiting to go for their appointment, and I thought: how is it we are here obviously dealing with cancer in some way…sitting, waiting, filled with anger, rage, sadness, frustration, and we are able to hold it together. We sit and we wait, reading magazines, looking out windows, inwardly hoping, inwardly praying. But we wear brave faces.

Everything looked different on the walk out.

We went to the nearby Southgate Centre for a coffee and a cinnamon bun. We didn’t say a lot, there were no tears, we just enjoyed one another’s company.

My Dad and I were visiting on a mall bench and looked up and thought the leaf art work in the sky light was so pretty…  Right after I took this picture, I looked to my right and my dear friend Tawny was walking by us. We never just accidentally bump into one another in the City.  Kismet.

We said our good-byes, and I drove home with the windows down, music turned up as loud as it would go.

I picked up my kids, fed them supper, sat down in my office and it all sunk in. I phoned a few of my sisters, and then I cried like a baby. And made that video.

But I want you to know something, despite the tears and the fears I shared, I feel very hopeful. My Dad is a fighter and I have faith he will make it through this second fight. I feel positive. At this point in my life, I’ve realized there is real power in sharing and connecting, and sometimes that means showing vulnerability.  It means we are not alone. There are others feeling the same frustration, pain, and anger.  One doesn’t have to put on a brave face all the time, it’s OK to show that emotion, and then move forward through it. By sharing, you create a circle of support that is so needed during times of trial.

cancer is that horrible disease that brings forward emotions one has never felt before, and often those feelings are just left within to grow and fester. Our family has always come together in faith and support. We believe in the power of prayer. My Dad asked me to share his journey with you so that he has people out there praying for him.

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to say when you see someone in pain.  But, the positive thoughts, prayers, kind words, a hand reached out in support, a coffee delivered to your door, a phone call, an e-mail, a smile when you pass by…truly has the power to change the state of another’s heart. The strength of the human spirit is alive and well my friends. Thank you God for that.

There is power in authentic sharing and connecting. I believe it changes perceptions and it’s what makes walls come down. We are not alone, we are never alone.

So thank you to all our friends and family who have taken time out of their busy lives to support, care, and pray. We appreciate it more than you could ever know.

Thank you for all of those who have donated to our Team Hope for the Leduc Relay for Life.  http://convio.cancer.ca/goto/christinehopaluk
It’s the only way I know how to fight back at this time when I feel so helpless…not just in honour of my Father and in memory of my Aunt, but also for all of the loved ones out there who have been affected by cancer.

I will leave you with a blog post that I wrote before my Dad was diagnosed with Prostate cancer: http://christinehopaluk.com/blog/2010/08/07/at-the-farm-with-my-dad/

I love you Dad. Fight. Fight. Fight.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

On Strength

Published on by ChristineLeave a comment

For my dear friend who is dealing with so much. This is what I need you to know.

Sometimes strength comes in the most unusual ways. It takes courage and strength to stand up with a quiet assurance that comes by taking action towards securing your own future.  So much in life is out of your control. The things you DO control in life are your actions and the way your perceive your circumstances.

Take the steps you need for a life of peace and respect. Let go of the things that are out of your control.  You only have one life to live. Your future is bright and you alone have the power to create the life you wish. Remind yourself often of your life-goals and align your actions with those goals.

In the moments when self-doubt creeps in, please remember that life is meant to be lived with joy and pride. You are strong, powerful, and so very wise. You have given your time and wisdom to so many others, now it’s time to internalize that inner-wisdom for yourself.

You know who you are within. Take the time to listen to that quiet inner voice that speaks loudest when you actually stop and listen.

Wishing you Strength, Courage, and Wisdom.

But most of all I wish you peace of heart.

This song says everything I wish for you.

Sometimes in life you just have to let it be…

I love you, I miss you and I’m always here for you,

Christine

Ignore the Judgments

Published on by Christine6 Comments

One will stop casting judgements on others when they focus on bettering themselves. When you focus on your own heart, the state of another’s is not your concern. Surround yourself with people who support & love you. You will figure out who these people are when you are struggling, because they are the ones that will stand by you without doubt or question.

I posted the above collection of thoughts the other day on my facebook status and I want to explain where it comes from!  I have always believed that if I don’t judge other people, then I will not be on the receiving end of judgements! Guess what my friends? This is not the case sometimes!  Judgements directed my way have caused me to stop and think about who I am as a person, and it has also caused me to doubt who I am as well!  I’m actually thankful for it today, because it has solidified even more my own inner-truth about the woman I am today.

At this point in my life I have learned that there will always be haters unfortunately…even if you put your best foot forward and treat others the way you wish to be treated.

Here’s the shift in my thinking that I want to share with you!  Yes, there will be negative thrown my way, and sometimes it hurts coming from people who I care about; however, why does the negativity seem to hold more stock inwardly than the positivity from others?  The positive support should outweigh the negative judgements.  To focus on one negative rather than many positives is ridiculous I tell ya!

I used to be a judgmental person. My life was filled with “shoulds”, but often directed at other people.  I deflected so much of what I needed to deal with personally by wasting time on what others were doing. It was my own issues, and often the things I couldn’t handle about others, were the exact things I needed to change within myself.

It wasn’t until I focussed on bettering myself that I moved forward through that way of thinking.  I worried solely about my own heart rather than the state of another’s. It gave way to a state of true acceptance of all kinds of people.  People of all different ways of thinking!

I have to tell you that the acceptance of others has been one of the greatest blessings I have come across.  It actually makes me giddy! I love meeting new people, and hearing other points of views that are so different from my own.  Rather than make judgments, I now internalize so much of it and just figure out which path is actually right for me.  It helps me to figure out who I am even more!  Yes, that’s fantastic!!! 🙂  Seriously amazing news my friends!!! (do you feel my enthusiasm in this area?! lol)  I have learned there are many different roads one can take, and just because it’s right for them, doesn’t mean it’s right for me (and vise-versa)

Also, I had another revelation today!  The best things happen when you give and expect nothing in return. You actually receive so much when you least expect it. It blows my mind sometimes! Positive out, positive in!  Thank you to all the people in my life that give so much of themselves to me! I’m so very thankful for you. I woke up this morning with so much gratitude for the amazing people I have met along the way.

Giving is so good for the soul. Whenever I feel discouraged, I just need to remember there is always someone else dealing with more than I am.  We are blessed simply for the fact we live in a free-country!  I have taken so much for granted. Sometimes it just takes a shift in perspective to realize that.  Just tune into the National news for an hour, and one is reminded!  We are spoiled my friends. There are a few sayings that I remind myself of and this is one: “Always give more than you take.”  

Change your focus: when you are down…focus on the good, the positive, the uplifting.  Before you know it, your outlook changes. Gratitude is a gift.

I’m so often humbled when I meet others who are dealing with so much more than I am: health struggles for one. Because I’ve witnessed what my sister has gone through battling MS, I see the ability to run as a privilege. When I go for a run, I am so thankful that I’m able to run. I run because I can. Thank you God for that privilege!

Have a great day, and remember for those in the Edmonton area…the snow will melt! It only makes a person appreciate the sun that much more! 🙂

And a song  that makes me smile for your TGIF (you will have to click to watch on You Tube)

Yes, it’s a Good Life!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

What I Want my Daughter to Know

Published on by Christine10 Comments

For many years, I chose not to have a voice.  I held my opinions within. Through my teen years, I wasn’t always treated with respect, and I didn’t realize I held the key to demand respect. I started off my tender teen years as a victim survivor of a sexual assault and it shaped my perspective on what it is to be a woman in a different way. In a way, that I wasn’t ready for. I feel like I’ve overcome the shame and the pain that is carried over from my past…along with other traumas that I will never share here.

And then,

out of nowhere,

it rears it’s ugly head…

starting out so innocently at first,

but inwardly spiralling out of control.

So, how do I teach my daughter what it is to love and respect herself so much that she treasures the woman she is and accepts nothing less? How do I convey to her the importance of living life authentically where she is true to who she is within and isn’t afraid to let her light shine?  How do I explain the life lessons I learned the hard way and will she listen?  I am passionate about helping women move forward for a reason, and it’s very close to my heart.  I want to scream it from the roof tops now all that I’ve learned, and I’m so thankful for continuing to learn from some pretty amazingly strong women in my life. Thank you all you strong women with a powerful voice!

I’m also sick-to-death of the stereotype of strong women as “feminists”, like it’s a foul word. We are all just people. Equally deserving of respect.

Ok, I got off track! My daughter is not a teenager yet, so thankfully I have some time to teach and build on all I wish for her to know. But in thinking about it today, this is what I want my daughter to know.

~You teach people how to treat you.

~Stand up for what you believe in with passion and speak from your heart.

~If you are respectful, kind, supportive, accepting, and giving…it will come back to you ten-fold and you have every right to demand what you freely give to others.

~Give yourself permission to honour the path that is right for you.  It may not be a path that is right for someone else, but if it’s right for you…continue on it and make no apologies for it.

~Forgiveness is a choice.

~You ARE enough. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and believe in you.

~Shoulders back, head held high.

~Committ yourself to life-long learning. We are never done learning. There is no finish line. Just more life to be lived, and more amazing life lessons to be learned.

~Pass on what you’ve learned, don’t keep it in. If you can share and help someone move forward then do it, but do so with respect because belief systems are sacred to another.  Don’t push your beliefs on another person. Just live out your reality.

~People know authenticity when they see it. When you share in an authentic way, you will attract like-minded people into your life, and that’s a blessing!

~Never ever give up your power to another person (there are not too many “never ever’s” in this world, but I believe this is one of them!)

~Don’t silence your strengths for the benefit of another’s weaknesses.

~Just because you have other roles “Mom, Wife, Business Women, insert role here” doesn’t mean you have to lose who you are.  It’s OK to be carefree, to have fun, to take time for yourself. Your needs are not last.  To be a good Mom, you need to have a life aside from your children to grow as a woman. Your children are watching you.

~You are the property of no one.

~You are not defined by what you look like, the clothes you wear, or the shape and size of your body.

~Smile often.

~Love others. Love yourself just as much.

~Mean girls are also filled with jealousy and insecurity. Just smile and move on.

~Invest in your future, find a career you love. Because when you love what you do, it just doesn’t feel like work.

~You will make mistakes, everyone does. Just be sure to learn from each mistake you make and move forward.

~It’s OK to show weakness. You don’t have to be strong all the time.

~Sincere appreciation. It’s a gift you can give to others.

~You are stronger than you even realize.

~Do not forget the things that fuel your passion. Don’t give those up for anyone.

My extraordinary daughter, I will always attempt to teach you all that I’ve learned, but I know that many things you need to learn for yourself. If you learn anything from something that once caused me pain, then there is purpose to it. All I can hope for is that you feel comfortable to talk to me about anything. I hope you realize what an amazing gift you are, how loved and cherished you are, and that you are worthy. Life is meant to be lived with passion. Live it with pride, because you my darling daughter are simply amazing just the way you are.

And when you do find someone to give your heart to, may they also realize just how amazing you are.

From my heart to your heart,

Mom

Challenging Old Beliefs

Published on by Christine8 Comments

It’s true in life there are some things that are out of our control, but there are also many things that are absolutely in our control. The key is to discern between the two.

There were so many things in my life that I thought I couldn’t do.  For example, I convinced myself I couldn’t run a 10K. I woke up one day and actually said aloud “Why can’t I? Who says I can’t?”  Well, I said I couldn’t.  I thought I wasn’t athletic or a runner. Why did I think that?  Because I was living in an old belief. I believed that I would always be uncomfortable in my own skin. I believed that I was too big to run.  When I was growing up, I was raised on a farm which was 20 minutes from town.  My mom worked full-time opening a business, and so I wasn’t into organized sports. Having said that, I also didn’t want to be either. I believed that I wasn’t athletic. It just wasn’t my reality.

Bull shit!!!

Recently I was attempting to do two sets of tricep push ups….well I could only get through one set. I find tricep push ups so tough to do. I was immediately discouraged. How was I going to be able to do two sets when I had a hard time getting  through one set?  You know how?  I just have to keep at it!  I have to continue to challenge my muscles, and guess what…I will get stronger!  It’s a fact.

It’s the same with one’s mind-set.  If you are replaying the same old beliefs in your mind, and it’s not serving you in any way, the way to overcome it is to challenge that belief.  Keep challenging it.  When your mind says “I can’t”, then you need to challenge it.  Why can’t you?  Who says you can’t?  WHY do you believe you can’t…get the heart of the tired belief. Most often than not, it’s our own mind that says we can’t do something and it’s based on a past belief that no longer holds truth for us (and did it ever hold any truth in the first place?!).

I have many old beliefs. I have started leaving sticky notes on the mirror at the gym.   They say something different each time.

“You are more powerful than you even realize”.

“You are enough.”

“You are beautiful. Be good to you.”

I have no idea who notices them or if it affects anyone, but I do know that if I was looking at those notes before starting my work out, it would lift me up and start things off on a positive. They challenge inner-beliefs that I struggle with.  I do realize this is a bit odd. But, I keep writing those pick me up notes in the off-chance someone else struggles and needs to hear it.

Also, most recently I have decided to embrace my odd, geeky side! Hey, it’s part of who I am. Authenticity builds relationships of trust, value, & respect. So just be you. We are all flawed. It’s OK, because it’s honest & refreshing in all actuality 🙂  Maybe it’s weird to write strangers sticky notes who I never actually see reading them (unless I hide behind the garbage can which is a weird stretch even for me).  Whatever, I’m weird. I write pick-me-up sticky notes because my heart tells me to.  ha ha

The other day as I was getting ready in front of my mirror I thought to myself “I hate my legs.” I had to snap myself out of it, as much as I have challenged those old beliefs, they still crop up from time to time.  My next thought was, if I truly believed I hate my legs, then I should have no problem approaching someone who’s in a wheel chair and say “hey, how are ya? Do you know that I hate my legs.”  Humbling moment. I’m thankful that I have healthy legs. I’m so excited to ride my new bike.  Bring on the sun and cleared biking paths! 🙂

Be good to you. You are worthy. You are enough.  Challenge those tired old beliefs. Forget about status quo.  Give yourself permission to really look within your own heart and follow the path that is right for you. Trust yourself to make the healthy choices that lift you up.

And then when you are in a place of strength, you spread the love.  Love, strength, and positivity are contagious.  🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine

I Don’t Know Who This Post is For

Published on by Christine8 Comments

I don’t know who this post is for.  Have you ever had a day where so many experiences and interactions lead to the same message, the same life lesson, the same thought?

That happened to me this morning! Six times!  I feel compelled to share the thoughts that replayed in my head over and over today.  Something else would happen and there  it was….the same message once again!  Maybe this post is for you.  Maybe it’s from God to me.  I don’t know!

But here it is…

Make the time to lift others up.  If you are spending time with someone you care about and an appreciative thought pops into your head…tell them. Immediately tell them.  Don’t leave it in. Don’t take for granted that they know how you feel, or that you appreciate them.  Any little sincere thought of gratitude, recognition, or acknowledgment that you think about another person, deserves to come out and land in their ear!  ha ha

There is so much power in uplifting sincere words. It doesn’t have to be over the top, even the smallest of appreciations goes a long way.  Sometimes we just take for granted that there will be the right time, or a good moment to say what we want to say to those we love.  Appreciate today. Appreciate those in your life right now, at this moment.  Who knows how many tomorrows we will have.  I’m not trying to be dramatic, but it’s true. Life can change in the blink of an eye.

I have always loved this quote.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” –Leo Buscaglia

Share the love! I do know that this message is for me (and perhaps for someone else out there as well.)  There are times when I think something complementary about someone else, but I don’t say it. Why? Maybe because I don’t want them to think I’m a weirdo who loves to flatter.   Some people truly aren’t comfortable with complimentary words; however, sincere appreciation for a loved one is a gift worth sharing.  In return, take the compliment as it was intended. Soak up the love!  I’m going to just blurt it out when an appreciative thought pops into my head now…just a warning for those I love. ha ha!  🙂

Thank you for your love, support, comments, e-mails, notes, and conversations.  They truly do mean so much to me.  I’m so grateful for my friends and family!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Meditation

Published on by Christine8 Comments

I have always wanted to learn how to meditate, however my mind is always going…thinking, thinking, thinking.  The days are so busy, how am I going to etch out some time to be silent in the middle of hectic?  Take today for example (and as I write this it’s not quite 2 p.m.)

I woke up this morning to my hubby whispering good-bye in my ear. The room was still dark, must have been really early.  The night before we had joked that I never say anything back to him when he says his daily good-byes. In my morning slumber, I believe I do so this morning I make sure I repeat everything he said to me…attempting to say it at the exact same time. We laughed and I went back to sleep. I was awoken thirty minutes later to the sounds of my dog Teddy frantically barking as my son was playing with him in the living room. My daughter soon joined in, and within a few minutes there was the familiar song of sibling rivalry going on. Wiping sleep from my eyes, I dragged my weary legs to the kitchen to make breakfast for all three kids.  They know not to talk to me first thing in the morning, they know to give me at least 10 minutes before any demands are made. Robotically, I spread peanut butter and jam on their toast. I make coffee. I need coffee.

The pace turned hectic as we rushed to get out the door for school.  Homework to be found, socks to be matched, clothes and hair to be fixed.  “Mom I can only find one mitt, oh and sign this sheet, also I need 2 cups of chocolate covered raisins by tomorrow for a cooking project.” my son yells to me.  I think to myself:  “Who cooks with chocolate covered raisins and Why don’t I get my act together and have everything organized the night before?”.  One would think that would make life easier.

I opened the garage door; the chill of winter slapped us across the face as I realized that the deep freeze is still upon us. I told the kids to jump in my car. We are running late. I’m not above driving the two blocks to school just so we don’t have frozen hair and eyelashes today.  There’s a lot of school traffic on cold days. There was a lady waiting to turn left at the school, meaning she had to cross the traffic.  The same traffic that wasn’t moving only because she needed to make a left hand turn. Suburb deadlock.  “Why must you turn left and hold up traffic lady! For the love of chocolate, just turn right and circle the block” I whispered under annoyed breath.  We ran into the school, my finger tips were numb. Kisses, “I love you’s” and “you’re awesome’s” were exchanged.

I returned home to clean up from the morning rush.  I feel tired and the day has just begun. E-mails to answer, phone calls to return, laundry piled up, the house in shambles, my accounting records for 2010 lay open waiting for me to finish them.  “Stop taunting me accounting records. Why must the government need these?” I say out loud. I’m weird like that, I’m a talk-to-yourself-er. I want to go back to bed.  I look up at the clock after the morning errands, and It’s already time to pick up my daughter from Kindergarten. In fact, I have exactly one minute to get back to the school.  I can’t find my keys, why am I so absent-minded?  Rush out the door.

When I get home from picking up my daughter, I have the overwhelming urge to work out.  I don’t like to plan when I’m going to work out, the inner exerciser be-yatch eventually calls out.  I quickly put on my workout gear, lace up my runners, grab my iPhone for music, and head to my unfinished basement to my make-shift gym (complete with non-drywalled walls).  My son plays his Xbox downstairs, and there is evidence of a lounging Teenager everywhere. I clean up, muttering under my breath.

Time to run.

I find my power list on my iPod filled with music that is the perfect pace for running. Green Day, Clutch, ACDC, BEP, The Offspring, Rihanna, Muse, The Black Keys.  I take a big gulp of water and turn the treadmill on for a 5 minute warmup walk.  I’m stiff at first, and after my warm up I tell myself I will just run for 10 minutes. I always tell myself that, so I don’t complain. I up the pace to 6.3 and I focus on the same spot on the wall that I’ve stared at for years while I run.

I have no time to  stress about my responsibilities  All I can do is focus on this run, on my breathing, and on the uncomfortable feeling that is creeping into my muscles…travelling up my legs and into my lungs. I want to stop after 10 minutes, but I push that feeling out and convince myself I will run another 10 minutes. I get to 20 minutes, my legs have found their pace. I want to keep going. I want to beat my previous 5K time of under 30 minutes. Time to pick up the pace. I turn it up to 7.0 for 5 minutes (uttering a couple MF’s along the way), and back down to 6.5 for the remainder of the 5K.

The music is timed perfectly to each running step. I feel powerful, like I could do anything I set my mind to.  I feel strong, proud, and in control.  The more uncomfortable I feel, the more I say yes…I can do this. This is just the feeling of being alive.  I can’t explain the feeling that washes over me. It is not comfortable; however I realize, this feeling is PEACE.  Uncomfortable yet peaceful. Because that’s where peace lies for me…in pushing out of my comfort zone, in challenging myself, and in moving on.

While I run, I think about a friend whom I admire. She has found an amazing bright patch of happiness that she’s carved out of darkness. Does she know how amazing she is? There’s no point in keeping the good feelings within. I will tell her how amazing she is, but first I must finish this run in under 30 minutes. 🙂

When I’m done my run, I sit on my weight bench and catch my breath. I reached my daily goal. I’m smiling. I’m happy.

No stress, just strength and peace.

I’m thankful.

Life is actually a lot simpler than I think it is.

I want to continue on my day with this feeling.

Love, love, love.

Peace, peace, peace.

Maybe THIS is my form of meditation.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

The Skinny Bitch

Published on by Christine6 Comments

I have a story I need to blog about!  I was standing with a bunch of women at school one day and as we were waiting for the kids to burst through the doors to greet us, we started the usual awkward talk.  On a side note, why is adult conversation among strangers/casual acquaintances often so awkward?  There’s only so much you can say about the day’s weather…yes, we are all tired of the snow and the frigid temperatures. Panic! Now what do we say?  Insert the group-grabbing of cell-phones as we are all so “Super” busy to actually talk about something other than the weather.  I’m such an awkward small-talker…I must change this.

Anywhoooo, the ladies I was awkward talking to were of all shapes and sizes.  The only reason I noticed this is because of what transpired through our conversation.  The women were talking about how they had gained weight during the Christmas holidays and how hard it was to work off.  I decided to add my two-bits as I figured we were among the same circle of women standing in the same place everyday awaiting the arrival of our same children. So I said, “I hear ya, this Christmas I overdid the Ukrainian food and my jeans are now so tight that I’m quite uncomfortable as I stand here talking to you.”  One woman, looked at me oddly and said “Well, good thing you are skinny, so it’s really not a big deal for you is it?”

In that moment, I realized she was judging me the same way I had judged other women back when I was 242 pounds.  She sized me up as one of those “skinny chicks” who could never understand what it is to be overweight or what it is to struggle with body-image.  I can say this with confidence, because I used to put women into two groups:  The Skinny and the Overweight.  The Overweight came with understanding, and the Skinny lacked understanding. I wasn’t sure how to feel when she used the word “skinny” as it’s certainly not how I view myself, but it was the way she said “skinny” like it had a rank smell attached to it.  ha ha

This was not the first time I encountered the two different sides of this “pigeonholing” fence. A friend of mine eventually told me after we became close that when she first met me she thought I was one of those “skinny bitches”.  She meant no offence by it, she was just being honest, but it really made me pause and think. It also made me sad, that at one time that’s how my perception was as well…full of stereotypes and judgments. Speaking from personal experience, it was because I wanted to be someone different.

I struggled, and continue to struggle with confidence.  I am thankful that I’ve been able to live at an unhealthy weight, and also a healthy weight for me.  I’m not making a judgement on any other person’s weight. I’m talking about my weight, because at my heaviest I had high-blood pressure which had to be controlled with medication. I also did not eat properly so I lacked energy and if there was a sickness to catch in the office, I caught it.  I don’t get sick all that often anymore, and I no longer have high-blood pressure.  To me, this is evidence of the benefits of eating healthy and exercising.

Here’s the way I am choosing to look at this issue now.  We are all just people. The women that used to intimidate me, no longer do. It’s not because they have changed, it’s because I’ve changed.  It’s not about how you look on the outside. For me, the standard of beauty comes from experiences, who you are as a person: your heart, your mind, your soul. It’s not external. I appreciate a difference of opinions. I appreciate different outlooks on life. I love when people speak their mind. Forget about conformity! Just be you!  I appreciate kind, soft-hearted people who give of themselves first. I believe that’s one of the most beautiful traits one can possess.

Now, let me take off my rose-coloured glasses for a moment and explain that I don’t think everyone is good and kind.  However, all one can worry about is their own heart and mind. The next time someone looks down their nose at you, just smile. It’s OK! Be confident in who you are as a person. Does it REALLY matter what someone else thinks of you if you know in your heart of hearts who you REALLY are? Continue being authentically you. You will attract like-minded people who adore who you are.

I’ve heard women say (and I was among those women at one time), they didn’t feel comfortable going to the gym because their fitness level didn’t match others at the gym. You know what? I finally got to a place where I didn’t care anymore!  I will lift my low-weights beside the muscular dude who lifts weights the size of my head. I will run slowly for 30 minutes beside that marathon runner who has run for over an hour (sometimes I want to stand and watch in amazement).  I will be the red-faced sweater beside that cute girl with perfect make-up barely breaking a sweat!  My butt jiggles when I run, her’s doesn’t…whatever!  It’s OK, because we are all just people! We are different, but we are also the same (if that makes sense).  We all have a right to go where ever our passions lie.

So the moral of this story: Hold you head high. You are perfectly imperfect. Listen to that inner voice that leads you to be exactly the person you were meant to be. You are stronger than you even realize. You have a gift, we all have gifts. Now, get out there and share them. 🙂

I only wish I could have realized this back then, but I guess if I knew that then, I wouldn’t have learned so much along the way.  There’s still so much to learn about life! I would say that’s pretty exciting.

I’m not a “Skinny Bitch”. I’m just me, just as I was me back when I weighed more, and when I weighed less.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Sincere Appreciation

Published on by Christine5 Comments

I have to admit, yesterday was a discouraging day for me. You know the kind of day when nothing seems to go right. I decided to try to take control of the discouragement and focus my energy on a kick-me-own ass work out and it did help.

Sometimes I’m patient, other times I have very little patience. I have no patience for the fact I have no patience. You see, I lose track of the big picture.  I want results NOW…especially if I’ve put in a lot of effort towards my goal (insert me at the mirror giving stink-eye to my muscles that aren’t defining themselves as I would expect them to). In the face of discouragement, the temptation is to throw in the towel and say screw it.  Self-sabotage then comes into play which is never good for the ole’ self-image.

At times like these, I would like to share with you a new technique I’ve learned to deal with myself.  Yes, my negative inner banter annoys even myself.

1. Think big picture. If I continue to put in the work, results WILL happen.  It may not happen as quickly as I want it to, but be patient grasshopper.  Wax on, wax off. Keep at it.

2. Never underestimate the power of a positive mind.  Shitty things happen in life. I was watching a TV show where a man was explaining to his mentor that his father had passed away years ago. He continued to mourn the loss of the relationship he didn’t get to have. His mentor looked at him and said “that’s your reality. You don’t get that. You can’t have that. It is what it is. You have to move on.”  It struck me in that moment that there are things in life one can’t change.  What good does it do to dwell on things that I can’t change?  Of course I need to deal with loss and pain, but there is also a time to give myself permission to move forward.  Time to focus on the things in life that I do have, not on the things I don’t have or can’t have because that’s just not my reality. Live in REALITY.

3. If yesterday was a bad day, well lucky for me, there is always tomorrow…which is fresh and new. And guess what, the momentum of good days are more powerful than the momentum of bad days.  That’s something to smile about right there.

4. I often remind myself to smile when my work out gets tough. I’m thankful for how alive I feel inside. The physical pain of a great workout is my body full of life…truly alive.  The smile may look forced, odd, and awkward, but it’s a smile none the less (and I do enjoy me some awkward).

5.  My actions should align with my goals.  My goals have changed over the years. When I was at the beginning of this journey, my goals were mostly about weight loss broken up into small manageable goals. Drink more water, exercise 5 times a week, train my body to appreciate the taste of healthy foods without additives, eat lots of fruits and veggies…you get the picture.  Today, many of those goals are still in place as it’s become a way of life. However, I’ve needed to re-evaluate and set new goals now that I’m in the maintaining world.  When I think about my goals, I must first think about how my actions are contributing to (or preventing me from) reaching my goals.

6. “Sincere Appreciation”: I’ve written that quote on a sticky note and placed it on my computer so I can read it daily. It’s a reminder for me to live life by focusing on the things I sincerely appreciate about those I love, and in turn reminding those amazing people of what is their truth. When you take the time to sincerely uplift others, it’s just good for both hearts.  The important part is the “Sincere” part. I believe we all know when someone is sincere and when they are not. Sincerity is a gift I see in so many of my friends and family members. It allows for connection and authentic relationships, which is a huge blessing.

The big picture is a life full of joy, love, pride, and laughter.

Please treat yourself well, just as you deserve to be treated.  Spend time uplifting those around you that you appreciate. Spread the love, it’s contagious. 🙂

I also want to thank everyone who took the time to comment over the last post. Being that it was completely out of my comfort zone to post that pic, I sure did appreciate the kind comments. You really did lift me up. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

From my heart to yours,

Christine