Tag: confessions of a busy mom

Throwing out the F-Word: Fat

Published on by Christine12 Comments

Now that Christmas and New Years is behind me, I walked into my bathroom with the clear intention to step on the scale. I pulled that devil scale out its lair with dread, and tentatively stared at it for a bit telling myself that it really didn’t matter what number I saw, it was time to get back to work.

I stepped on it, and looked away. Well this is stupid, I have to see the number. And there it was, a number I hadn’t seen in years since I’ve reached my goal weight…160 pounds. I felt a little panicky, how did I manage to gain 10 pounds in just one Christmas season?

I walked downstairs to make a coffee, inwardly fighting the positive with the negative. I have a goal now, no big deal…but, I can’t fit my jeans! I need to get to work NOW. My daughter’s little voice interrupted my inward banter. She sat at the counter colouring a picture of a Disney princess and without missing a beat of colouring she asked. “What’s wrong Mom?” I replied flippantly  “I can’t fit my jeans, I ate too much chocolate over Christmas!”

Now, I’m going to share the next part of the story with hesitation, because I feel a lot of guilt over it. It’s that crippling Mom guilt and it’s replayed over and over in my mind ever since.

My sweet little girl looked up at me and with sadness in her eyes she said “When I was in Kindergarten, A girl told me I was fat. Do you exercise so you won’t get fat?”  I just stood there stunned. I didn’t realize that my own thoughts about my body image would be transferred to my daughter in that moment and that she equated exercising with the need to not be “fat”.

And that began our conversation about foods that give you energy and vitamins, staying active to be healthy and to have energy, and that she is most definitely perfect just as she is.  I told her that I too was told I was “fat” in school, and she giggled at me and said “but you’re not fat, you are thin!” Those words broke my heart, because if I can’t accept my body, how am I going to expect my daughter to accept hers?! We are going to throw out the word “fat” within our household, it’s officially the F-Word.

I share this story with you today, because I know that like me, there are many Moms out there who struggle with raising their children to have a healthy self-esteem.  I believe it’s THE hardest part of the Mom gig…both in raising sons and daughters. With healthy self-esteem, comes self-respect and healthy decisions. A strong self-esteem will aid in preventing my kids from making decisions where they put themselves at risk…because they will value themselves far too much to be dragged down. In some ways I’m thankful I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem growing up, because it’s now a huge priority in how I raise my children. I believe I understand those issues a little better given my past. But there is no way, I will accept that for my own children.

I need to find a healthy balance, because I also want to raise my children to take care of their bodies. To be active (which in their world means playing and running outside),  and to eat healthy foods. To equate all of that with taking care of their bodies, rather than relating it to aesthetics.

So these are my thoughts today, and I don’t have all the answers, but I am analyzing what I’ve done wrong, and the things I’ve done right. I am holding myself accountable, because like it or not, my kids are watching me. They are learning from me.

Active fun is on the menu for Winter. 🙂

To all you Moms out there: If we want to raise healthy, balanced children with self-respect…we better work on that within ourselves.  If you are reading this post riddled with Mom guilt, and you have insights on this topic (or if you share in my struggle), I would love to hear from you! Drop me a comment.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

What I Want my Daughter to Know

Published on by Christine10 Comments

For many years, I chose not to have a voice.  I held my opinions within. Through my teen years, I wasn’t always treated with respect, and I didn’t realize I held the key to demand respect. I started off my tender teen years as a victim survivor of a sexual assault and it shaped my perspective on what it is to be a woman in a different way. In a way, that I wasn’t ready for. I feel like I’ve overcome the shame and the pain that is carried over from my past…along with other traumas that I will never share here.

And then,

out of nowhere,

it rears it’s ugly head…

starting out so innocently at first,

but inwardly spiralling out of control.

So, how do I teach my daughter what it is to love and respect herself so much that she treasures the woman she is and accepts nothing less? How do I convey to her the importance of living life authentically where she is true to who she is within and isn’t afraid to let her light shine?  How do I explain the life lessons I learned the hard way and will she listen?  I am passionate about helping women move forward for a reason, and it’s very close to my heart.  I want to scream it from the roof tops now all that I’ve learned, and I’m so thankful for continuing to learn from some pretty amazingly strong women in my life. Thank you all you strong women with a powerful voice!

I’m also sick-to-death of the stereotype of strong women as “feminists”, like it’s a foul word. We are all just people. Equally deserving of respect.

Ok, I got off track! My daughter is not a teenager yet, so thankfully I have some time to teach and build on all I wish for her to know. But in thinking about it today, this is what I want my daughter to know.

~You teach people how to treat you.

~Stand up for what you believe in with passion and speak from your heart.

~If you are respectful, kind, supportive, accepting, and giving…it will come back to you ten-fold and you have every right to demand what you freely give to others.

~Give yourself permission to honour the path that is right for you.  It may not be a path that is right for someone else, but if it’s right for you…continue on it and make no apologies for it.

~Forgiveness is a choice.

~You ARE enough. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and believe in you.

~Shoulders back, head held high.

~Committ yourself to life-long learning. We are never done learning. There is no finish line. Just more life to be lived, and more amazing life lessons to be learned.

~Pass on what you’ve learned, don’t keep it in. If you can share and help someone move forward then do it, but do so with respect because belief systems are sacred to another.  Don’t push your beliefs on another person. Just live out your reality.

~People know authenticity when they see it. When you share in an authentic way, you will attract like-minded people into your life, and that’s a blessing!

~Never ever give up your power to another person (there are not too many “never ever’s” in this world, but I believe this is one of them!)

~Don’t silence your strengths for the benefit of another’s weaknesses.

~Just because you have other roles “Mom, Wife, Business Women, insert role here” doesn’t mean you have to lose who you are.  It’s OK to be carefree, to have fun, to take time for yourself. Your needs are not last.  To be a good Mom, you need to have a life aside from your children to grow as a woman. Your children are watching you.

~You are the property of no one.

~You are not defined by what you look like, the clothes you wear, or the shape and size of your body.

~Smile often.

~Love others. Love yourself just as much.

~Mean girls are also filled with jealousy and insecurity. Just smile and move on.

~Invest in your future, find a career you love. Because when you love what you do, it just doesn’t feel like work.

~You will make mistakes, everyone does. Just be sure to learn from each mistake you make and move forward.

~It’s OK to show weakness. You don’t have to be strong all the time.

~Sincere appreciation. It’s a gift you can give to others.

~You are stronger than you even realize.

~Do not forget the things that fuel your passion. Don’t give those up for anyone.

My extraordinary daughter, I will always attempt to teach you all that I’ve learned, but I know that many things you need to learn for yourself. If you learn anything from something that once caused me pain, then there is purpose to it. All I can hope for is that you feel comfortable to talk to me about anything. I hope you realize what an amazing gift you are, how loved and cherished you are, and that you are worthy. Life is meant to be lived with passion. Live it with pride, because you my darling daughter are simply amazing just the way you are.

And when you do find someone to give your heart to, may they also realize just how amazing you are.

From my heart to your heart,

Mom

Confessions of a Busy Mom Part Duh

Published on by Christine7 Comments

Hello again busy Moms.  I’m here to make another confession.

Read part 1 here. I especially enjoy all the amazing comments left by other Moms on that post.  Makes my heart happy!

I really am very thankful that I fail a lot!  Every time I fail and every time I struggle: I judge a little less and I become a little more humble.   I have realized the older I get, the more I appreciate surrounding myself with friends that refuse to judge me and take me just as I am, and in return I do the same for them.

Really, if you look at kids, they are programmed that way.  They love quickly, they forgive easily, and they accept others with only the slightest bit of common ground.

So, I am trying to adopt a child’s mindset and just do the best I can.  My kids love me unconditionally, and I love them more than my heart ever thought possible.

Onto my confessions….

My name is Christine. I am a Mom to three high-spirited kids.  I fail a lot as a Mom.

  1. I can’t seem to stay on top of my kid’s homework!  All three kids should be reading extra everyday and practicing their spelling.  However, there are 3 of them to keep up with and extra curricular activities to work in as well!!!  Some days I rock it out. I have their homework lined up, lunches made for the next day, and bags packed and ready by the door.  But some days (more often than not) I am running around in the morning looking for socks that match, refereeing fights that have broken out about who gets to read the cereal box while they eat, and finding lost library books.
  2. I curse!  I try to rein it in, but sometimes the only word that seems appropriate for the situation starts with a “Mother” and ends in an “Ucker”.  I have programmed myself not to curse in front of children, so don’t be scared to come over.  I may say it secretly inside my head though, especially if I stub my toe or break something.
  3. I do not enjoy dropper-inners because my house is rarely orderly.  I try my best not to obsess over what should be picked up, but as the dropper-inner talks to me, I’m scanning the room for all the things that could have been shoved away quickly had I had even a couple minutes of notice.  Sorry, that’s just how I roll.
  4. I love and cherish time alone.  I just do.  I think that’s why I enjoy working out at times all by myself.  I plug-in the earphones, and block out all the daily worries and just zone out. I’m able to focus on things I do have control over.  It’s a good thing.
  5. I don’t know what to do with papers.  All types of papers. Paid bills, kids drawings from school, newsletters, cards from loved ones…anything that resembles a paper. I just freeze up and put it in a pile to file. Only I never file.  It’s a problem.
  6. I think a woman’s hand can tell you a lot about them.  I often look at women’s hands to find out more about them when I first meet them.  If they have chewed nails, they may be a bit of a worrier.  If they have a nice set of gel nails, they have the patience to go in over and over to get them filled.  I have always wanted gel nails.  But I know myself well enough to realize that I will walk around obsessing about breaking a nail.  It’s ok, I admire every nice manicured hand I see (this has nothing to do with failing as a Mom…it’s just an observation.)
  7. I HATE putting away laundry.  I fold it, but don’t put it away.  My kids often pick the day’s clothes from the clean laundry basket.
  8. I often get lazy about making healthy suppers.  Sometimes it’s just easier to throw in nuggets, or pick up the phone to the nice people at Panda Hut.  The delivery dude knows my name and remembers that my daughter likes the free calendars they give out once a year.
  9. Sometimes I can’t wait until 5 pm to have a glass of wine.  I’ve deemed 5 o’clock as the social acceptable hour to have a cocktail.
  10. I love my family so much, but sometimes I pull away when I miss them to make it easier that I miss them and they are far away.
  11. I enjoy humour perhaps a little too much.  I often make inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times.  I’m sorry, it’s a defense mechanism.  It’s like I have a touch of tourrettes.  See, inappropriate joke.  Case in point.

Roll call to all busy moms, share a confession with a friend today or share one here!  We all have weaknesses, and we all fail in the Mom department.   Mom guilt really doesn’t serve a purpose, life is just a little easier when you can laugh about it with a friend.  We are all just Moms who love our kids unmeasurably and we try our best. Let’s give each other a break! 🙂

Confessions of a Busy Mom

Published on by Christine20 Comments

There is no guilt quite like Mom guilt.   That nagging guilt that creeps in after the kids are tucked into bed, and the days events run over in the mind.

I find as I look around at all the other Moms lined up taking their kids to school in the morning,  they appear to have it all together.  They make the job of Mom look effortless.  I return home to my dish-filled sink, mound of laundry, and crumb laden floor fresh from the morning’s rushed breakfast and wonder how come I can’t get it together?  Do other Mom’s rush to find clean socks in the morning or want to lock themselves in the closet with a glass of wine when the kids start round 3 of whining and fighting?  Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Having said this, I have much appreciated the many women that have come into my life with the refreshing breath of honesty and have laid it all out there.  Their life is as hectic as mine, and they feel the same Mom-defeat as I do.

My wish is this: That we as women would stop masking the struggles and frustrations that come with being a Mom and let go of the expectation of being a Supermom of sorts.  That we would share our struggles with other women so we all know we aren’t alone in the mighty quest of being a good Mom.

The idea of Supermom is such an unreachable standard.  You do the very best that you can do.   Guilt serves no purpose.  I may not be a perfect Mom, but my kids are loved deeply.  They feel safe and loved and that’s all I can ask for.

This post comes on the heels of defeat. I got to thinking about how many of us are not only striving to be a certain size and shape (cookie-cutter body) but also striving to be a Mom that can handle anything and do so with grace while wearing the perfect butt jeans and a kick-ass pair of heels (well, no heels for me…I have weak ankles).

So, here is my confession.  My name is Christine and I have 3 kids.

I have a mound of laundry and although I tackle a load or two a day, it never goes away.

I have had my vacuum cleaner out for two weeks.  I vacuum a couple rooms here and there, and then I put it in a new location in my house.

If you come over to my house in the morning around getting-ready-for-school time, you may think my house has been ransacked or robbed, but if you come over at 3 p.m. balance is restored somewhat.

I have a stack of boxes in my basement that I’ve moved three times but I have no idea what treasures are in them, but I can’t bring myself to go through them as I’m sure they hold sentimental items.

I can’t quite seem to have all 3 of my kids on the same hair cut rotation, so one of them always looks more refined given the hair cut schedule.

I eat my lunch at 2 pm everyday because it’s an hour I can have to myself while Tessa has quiet time and the boys are still at school.

I would be a much better friend if I did all the things I want to do for my friends, but I lose the time and my intentions often don’t materialize.  If you are my friend, I’ve made you buns and a casserole in my mind several times.

I dance in my kitchen when I’m sad.  I always feel better after.

I have yet to take fall pictures of my own kids, but I’ve taken many fall sessions for others.  Kids I will corner you yet!

I think my husband knows how much I appreciate him, but I forget to tell him.  But I think it a lot.  Blog stalker are you there? 😉

Roll call to all busy moms, share a confession with a friend today or share one here!  There’s no such thing as a Supermom. We are all Moms: loving our kids and trying out best.