As long as I put in the Work, I will make Progress.
I will always be a work in progress, and for that I’m thankful.
There is no finish line. There is no quitting. There is no end goal.
There is just more.
More to learn. To grow. To give. To receive. More goals to set once one has been reached.
Everyday I will commit to work.
Work encompasses many areas, and I will remember that my goals are to grow spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Without one of those elements, I can not attain balance.
And balance is required to progress with quality.
I am not a size of clothing, nor a number on a scale. I am not a stereotype nor an age.
I am so much more than I once believed.
Perfectly imperfect.
I am a happy heart full of gratitude and I will remember that positivity is a choice.
I will choose to be an energy giver, and not a energy taker.
I will live life with my eyes wide open. Inspirational stories walk all around me and their strength and tenacity feeds my soul.
I am grateful for my health and the wealth of love that surrounds me through authentic relationships.
I am thankful for those who share their struggles with a vulnerable spirit yet continue to get back up every time they fall.
Thank you to all those who challenge themselves every time that inner voice of doubt says “I can’t do that“. I see you crushing your goals, and with every drop of sweat your determination and strength screams: yes I can.
Progress not Perfection.
Where there is progress within challenge, there is pride of accomplishment.
I’ve been thinking about how to live in gratitude lately, and I’ve changed how I think about it.
Living in gratitude has been this elusive state I’ve tried to live within, but there’s always something that throws me off and I think
“well I can’t be grateful for this ___insert hard life stuff here___”
Little by little over time I realize I’m not living with a grateful heart at all.
Today, I was watching Krysta Scoggins’ music video for “I Miss You”…
Watching the story within that video made me realize that we never know in life when we are living in “the best time of our lives” until something changes. Then we look back and think “if only I knew then to enjoy that time and not let it pass so quickly. I wish I had been aware of how blessed I was then” However, we don’t fully comprehend that until something hard happens and a shift/change in life occurs. Then we start living in a new normal with new blessings to discover down the road. Living in gratitude doesn’t mean life is perfect. Life is shaped by blessings and trials and it’s the trials that make us appreciate the good times.
So I got to thinking, that every time I grumble or moan about some area of my life that’s hard to deal with, instead I’m going to remember that this full-of-life busy home family life, this healthy body that allows me to run and train, this fun chapter of good times with friends…the very stage of my life that is happening Right Now just may be the best era of my life.
If I live in the best era of my life for all of my life, won’t that be something…
I couldn’t sleep last night, so as a result, I turned on Netflix and found this Ted Talk by Jane McGonigal. By watching this Ted Talk, you will earn 7 minutes of extra lifespan, and in turn you will learn how to add 10 years to your life.
I love Ted Talks, but of all the talks I’ve ever watched, this one will stick with me for all of my life. Scientific proof that your actions and thoughts do in fact add more minutes/days/years to your life. Transversely, how much of my life do I waste on negative energy and thoughts? How does this wasted negativity translate into my quality of life and those around me. It’s changed the way I view time and consequentially my behaviour. Thoughts become actions. We have the power to evoke positive emotions over negative emotions.
So when you have 20 minutes, please watch her amazing Ted Talk and enjoy your bonus 10 years of life.
I’ve maintained my goal weight for 8 years; however, I have lost and gained the same “last 10 pounds” many times. I weighed in the 140’s once for about a month. I went a little coo-coo for co-co puffs trying to maintain that weight. I quickly realized weighing in the 140s was not ideal for my lifestyle (which includes movie popcorn, chocolate and wine from time to time). 😉
I’ve learned so much losing the big chunk of weight, but I’ve learned more maintaining my goal weight. When I was losing the weight, weekly weigh-ins were a welcome accountability tool. I needed to see progress and it was measured in pounds lost.
Now as I continue into year 8 of maintaining, the scale has (at times) become an obsession. I know myself well enough to know that weighing weekly, sometimes daily, takes my mind into a place that’s not healthy. It puts a number on healthy living and I don’t want to live that way. Now that I think about it, the term “healthy living” sounds so boring. Very House on the Prairie running through a garden with a petty coat on. Maybe I should think about it as “vibrant living”, because that’s how this lifestyle makes me feel.
Here’s the thing, I’ve found a lifestyle that is more addicting than the potato chips I used to eat by the bag. There is no better feeling than the adrenaline and endorphins exercise gives you. If I read what I just wrote 10 years ago, I would be rolling my sleepy eyeballs from my very comfy couch. I’m so thankful that I stuck with it one little change at a time to actually change a whole lifestyle. Eating whole foods feeds my body energy in the same way processed foods sucks the energy away. You want to feel alive? Go for a run in the sun and feel the wind in your hair, feel the trails beneath your feet, feel the pride of accomplishment when you are done and drink a gallon of water to cool down.
Think about those who are struggling with their health, without the ability to run or walk, and how they would perceive a healthy person complaining about exercising. I look back to my days wasted with little movement and I want to scream from the roof tops how thankful I am for this new lease on life.
Back when I weighed 242 pounds, I didn’t understand what healthy “felt” like because I had lived a sedentary processed lifestyle for many years; which had become my new normal. I use to focus on photos of a former “skinny” self; and I foolishly focussed on what skinny “looked” like. I focussed on an external physical ideal that if I could only get back to, it would solve all these issues that had plagued my heart while living life in an obese frame.
I believed that once I hit this perfect goal weight number, my issues would melt away along with my fat. My issues hitched a ride on the back of the treadmill, and once I saw that magic goal weight number on the scale, those issues and insecurities were (and are) still here to deal with. Now I have to find ways to deal with them that doesn’t involve food. Tricky tricky.
Over the summer every year, I gain back the 10 pounds I lose in the winter due to holiday foods and less activity (sun tanning while watching kids play doesn’t burn as many calories as one would think). Every August I return home and run to the scale. Then I panic when I see the gain and I feel horrible about myself when I realize I can’t fit my jeans. I obsess. Weigh daily. Beat myself up for eating ice cream at the best dairy bar in the entire world at Jumbo Beach. Stress. Eat. Weigh. Attach my self-worth to a reflection in the mirror and a number on a scale.
This year, I’ve decided to do things a little differently. I put away my scale. Yes, I was excited to get back to my regular lifestyle and I took the time to think about what this lifestyle provides the quality of my life. I need to feel balanced, healthy, and whole. Because it can’t be about a number on a scale, or a size of jeans, or a physical ideal. All of those ideals fade away and are not sustainable as a goal. Instead I need to focus on a fitness and health goal, which has many levels to meet and new goals to reach.
I’ve had to correct my thought process as I begin my run. My thoughts start out like this…
“pick up your pace, you burn more calories that way. your pants are tight, get more cardio in so you can lose these last 10 pounds.”
Then I check myself.
“I’m not running to burn calories, I’m running because I love the freedom running provides my mind. I love the feeling of euphoria when the run is done. I run because I’m able. I run to clear my mind. I run simply for the love of running”
Same goes for eating. My thoughts go like this…
“cut down your after-holiday calories. you can’t eat that tubby tubberson.”
And then I check myself…
“eat food to fuel your run, you need energy to enjoy it! Eat clean, you know you feel more vibrant and have more energy when you eat that way. Eat to fuel your body to live life the way you want to…with energy and a zest for life. ”
Am I comfortable that I can’t fit my jeans after holidays? Nope. But, I’m not going to stress about it. Holidays were great, getting back to the routine of daily life is great. That’s life! Chill out. It reminds me why this lifestyle is so important for my health and vitality. Balance is so important!!!
I am not a number on a scale.
My happiness is not derived from a physical ideal.
Living vibrantly is how I feel within when I honour my body by making good choices, challenge my mind, and feed my soul with positivity which allows me to give that to others.
So maybe the energy worrying about what my body “could” look like if the last 10 pounds were not kicking around would be better served enjoying this crazy beautiful life.
A few photos from holidays, family is food for the soul…
A rare photo of us 6 girls and my Mom and Dad at the lake
Loosing weight is hard, maintaining weight loss is tough, and exercise is painful; however, living in a body that doesn’t feel like your own is way more painful. Back when I was at my heaviest, I will never forget the feeling when I looked in the mirror every morning and wondered to myself “how did I let myself get here?”
I was faced with a dilemma, I wanted to lose the weight, but how? There are so many methods to lose weight: no carbs, low carbs, no fat, high protein, calorie restriction, intense cardio…all of it made my head spin with confusion. I knew one thing for certain, if I was going to lose close to 100 pounds, I wanted to find the method that would allow me to keep it off for life. By some estimates, more than 80% of people who have lost weight will gain it back and then some within two years. That statistic was terrifying to me…all that work, sweat and tears for nothing?
I’m an all or nothing personality, so when I decided I was going to tackle my issue, I went all in. I poured over healthy living websites using my slow dial-up connection, it was an exercise in patience I tell ya! I quickly realized that what worked for one person didn’t mean it would work for me and I needed to get to the root of why I was overweight.
Simply put: I was addicted to food and I lied to myself on a regular basis about my food issues. I used food to deal with my life struggles rather than dealing with the emotion behind them.
Now when you have a food addiction, it’s unlike other addictions because you can’t quit eating like you quit smoking. You have to find a way to eat that is healthy both emotionally and physically.
Through trial and error I found these tips helpful.
Eat slowly
Listen to your body, it knows when it’s full. Stop eating before it gets completely full.
Eat foods that take time to chew, such as salads, veggies, fruits.
If it swims, flies, or runs, it’s a leaner protein.
Learn correct portion sizes, and then eat your meal from a smaller plate so your portion still fills up the entire plate
Eat with intention, don’t eat in front of the TV or Computer
Don’t be too restrictive. I live by the 80/20 rule, I’m on point with my eating 80% of the time, the other 20% I save for social occasions and to enjoy the odd treat. To me, a life of balance has room for a little dessert.
If I want to eat when I’m not actually hungry, make some tea, drink a big glass of water, go for a walk. Get to the root of why I want to stuff my face when my body is full.
Stop lying to myself and stop making excuses for bad behaviour that prevents me from reaching my goals.
After I tackled some of my food issues, I felt confident to face the other part of the equation: Exercise. Oh how I loathed exercise. Here’s what I learned though, you can still loath exercise and fall in love with the euphoria that comes as a result of exercise. I needed to push through each workout and stop the internal hamster wheel of complaints. Just get it done. The addicting part of exercise lives within the results, and results come quickly because our bodies are frickin’ AMAZING machines.
Because I struggled with food, it was important to add exercise in so that I didn’t have to be so stringent with my food choices. Move more, and I got to eat a ‘lil more of those whole foods which I didn’t WANT to binge on, that realization was a welcome surprise! There were certain foods that were triggers for me, meaning I wanted to eat more and more. For the most part, I cut those out. I never wanted to binge on apples, chicken, yogurt, veggies, whole grain rice, etc. Give me a plate of nachos, and I will body check you if you get in my way. So I realized Nachos probably wasn’t the best choice for me. 😉 Hunger drivers, and hunger suppressers…find which ones those are for YOU. One size does not fit all.
It took over a year to get the weight off my body, and the losing world is really no different than the maintaining world. I’ve been at my goal weight for 8 years. I’ve learned what worked for me 5 years ago, doesn’t necessarily work for me today. It’s a process of changing things up as the body adapts. I find that’s the fun of it though! It’s a new challenge, and weight loss goals transform into fitness goals.
Recently, I went through a hard time in my personal life and to that end I gained 15 pounds. I again poured over healthy living/fitness websites and was overwhelmed with the information regarding cardio/weight training. Do I add more weights and reduce my cardio? Do I up my cardio? Do I stop running my 5K’s and instead add High Intensity Training for a shorter amount of time? I tried different scenarios to the point that the love I had developed for exercise melted away into a chore and I became a slave to the scale. My identity within my mind was attached to the number that popped up on that stupid scale.
It hit me one day that I used to run my 5K with a smile on my face because it was my time to quiet my mind and release my stress. I had given that up because the research I had done suggested steady state cardio wasn’t as effective as interval training. But what happened to my love of running? It went away!!!
The key for me in this stage has been to stop focussing on the scale number, but instead focus on staying active doing the sports I love. Enjoy whole foods that keep my body satisfied and energized so I’m not thinking about food constantly. Weighing myself weekly is not healthy for my mindset. It may work for others, but again I learned that one size does not fit all. I haven’t weighed myself in a few weeks; yet my activity level and my mood has changed for the better as I’ve reincorporated those runs that I love! I run my 5Ks and ride my bike for the love of it and not for calories burned. Sometimes you have to stop controlling everything and just LIVE to let go of the stress.
THIS is how I have to look at life in order to not only maintain my goals, but to reach new goals:
I run for freedom of the soul.
I exercise for the love of euphoria and pride.
I eat for energy.
I love myself for the woman I have become, who no longer hides behind excuses and isn’t afraid of setting goals.
I will always have respect for the woman I was because that’s what keeps me from reverting to past behaviours that were the source of so much pain.
And the best part is, none of those elements have a thing to do with a number on a scale.
So yes, perhaps weight watchers, Jenny Craig, using a trainer, weekly weigh-in support groups, etc. may work for you at your stage in your life; but they don’t necessarily work for the stage of my life right now. Even the things that worked in my past, do not work in my present. That’s OK! Everyone’s goals are different and comparison is the thief of joy. Life is always changing, embrace the change and remember that one size does not fit all.
I’ll leave you with my new favourite running song:
Eight years ago on May 19th, I reached my goal weight. It took a long time to get the 90+ pounds off, so that day was a pretty special one.
Every year I take a comparison shot because it keeps me motivated and it also allows me to look back into the eyes of the former me who didn’t believe in herself.
I learned a lot this year. What used to work in the earlier years to maintain my weight wasn’t working anymore. My body adapted to the same exercise and food choices. I had to change-up my program and I quickly realized I needed help. I hired a kick-ass trainer; my beautiful friend Shannon. She created a strength program for me, and I was able to focus on strength training with her in the gym and cardio at home. It took weeks to visually see any difference; it’s an exercise in patience I tell ya! However, I did feel results quickly…I was able to lift more weight and do more reps. My cardio improved too, I was able to run my 5K in a faster time once I was focusing on a leg strength day with core work too. Most importantly, I learned I can do a workout anywhere with very little equipment. No excuses.
As for the eating part of the equation, I had to completely change that as well. Again, I felt out of control in that area so I joined in a Nutritional Challenge through BMS Bootcamps which I’m half way through. I’m learning so much about food choices, and the true meaning of “eating clean”. I realized I’m addicted to sugar! I was eating 100 calorie snack bars which were loaded with sugar and eating cereal every morning that was also very high in sugar (and often as a bedtime snack). Once I cut back on the sugar, I got off the roller coaster of blood sugar crashes I used to have. I added more healthy fats into my diet as well. I have a sustained level of comfortable fullness by eating 5 times a day and enjoying natural foods. I don’t have the cravings for certain foods I used to have. My taste buds changed and I actually enjoy foods that I didn’t like before. Eating clean has been a gift in that I have more energy, my skin has cleared up, and my hair is growing fast too. Huh?! Good stuff. I have enjoyed cheat meals as well! Everything in balance.
The other day on my run I was thinking about that photo of me from 10 years ago. As crazy as this sounds, it’s as though it’s not even a photo of me but rather of a close friend. I feel sadness and empathy for the old version of me. It’s not about the aesthetics, but rather what I see in my eyes and what I know was in my mind. I see pain, frustration, the urge to stay home and not face people, loneliness, fear. I had given up on myself and I didn’t believe my future was in my control. Feeling out of control everyday is no way to live. I didn’t understand the pride that comes from pushing myself both physically and mentally and how that transfers in a positive way to other areas of life. I was uncomfortably numb. That photo was taken just a few days before I made the decision to take control back and reclaim my life. So if I was to run into the old me in my life today, here’s what I would tell her…
10 things I would tell the old Me
1. You are going to have to do a lot of trial and error to find what works for you. Not everything will work, you will try many things that don’t work. You will get to know your own body and metabolism, so trust yourself enough to listen to what your body needs and don’t panic when you need to reassess. Chill out chicky!
2. The most important thing you can do as you age is to add weight training into your program. By adding muscle you will burn calories at rest and there is no better exercise medium than strength training to test yourself and feel success quickly.
3. Don’t overcomplicated things. Use cardio to burn calories, use strength training to build muscle which also burns calories at rest (replace the expanding fat with dense muscle), fuel your body with whole foods…healthy fats, lean proteins, fruits, veggies, nuts, whole grains. Eat often so you are never famished. Sleep 8 hours. Drink at least 12 glasses of water a day. Crank up your music and dance. Repeat.
4. Challenge yourself each and every day in some way. That voice that creeps in and tells you that you can’t is lying.
5. There is power in the vulnerability of sharing. Do not hold back sharing what you’ve learned simply because you are fearful of what other’s think of you. Like-minded people attract one another, and that can only happen when you live out loud.
6. Don’t give up when you don’t see results in the time frame you want. It took years to get to this point, you aren’t going to change over night. One step at a time grasshopper. 😉
7. Listen to your inner voice that knows what is best for you. Pay no attention to what others tell you that you “should” do. They don’t know your inner struggles, only you do. Sure another person can lose the weight while restricting calories, that doesn’t mean you should too. Slow and steady wins the race. Your goal is fitness, the weight will drop off in the process.
8. Start your journey by journaling your food, that way you can’t “pretend” you don’t know what you are eating. Knowledge is power; however, try not to be all-or-nothing which only ends in loss of control. Enjoy a cheat meal once and again. Balance is important. You won’t always have to journal your food, but if you find that you are slipping in your food choices, that trusty journal is a powerful way to get back on track.
9. If you have a bad eating day, recognize it as just that…one bad day with a clean slate the next. Get back on track and don’t beat yourself up about it.
10. This one is important: HAVE FUN!!! Don’t be so serious, this is a lifestyle for the rest of your life…so you better make it fun. Ride your bike, dance-walk, high-five a stranger, shake your ass, takes 10,000 steps a day and put a ‘lil attitude into it, don’t go one day without laughing, get outside with the kids (by the way old version of me, you’re going to have some pretty amazing kids who are going to make all of this totally worth it)
From my heart to yours,
Christine
P.S. If you are on your own weight loss journey and want some pretty cool resources to help you out, check them out HERE
I’m a determined health nut until about 4 p.m. and then the wheels start falling off the healthy bus. In the midst of the rush of supper/homework/bath time/bed time/kid’s needing things/I need a dozen cupcakes for bake sale tomorrow…I turn from calm & zen to frazzled and tuned out. I lose my focus. As a result I’m not mindful of my eating.
Here’s the deal: I consistently exercise 4-6 times/week, I eat healthy foods, but I’m also an emotional eater. There are many terms for it: Over-eater, closet eater, binge eater, emotional eater. Those are just labels for an internal struggle that I’ve had for as far back as I remember (as early as 5 yrs old).
I know I’m not alone in this struggle, it’s just not easy to talk about nor to admit. It’s embarrassing (which is why there’s a term “closet eater”).
This isn’t a new pattern of behaviour for me, but it is one that through the years I’ve had varying degrees of control over. Even though I have lost the weight, the world of maintaining is one that is similar to the world of losing in that it takes diligence. I have to stay tuned in, even when I want to tune out.
That’s a tricky scenario for an emotional eater like me, because when there is stress in my life, my instinct is to turn to food. Believe me, over the years I’ve over-analyzed this phenomenon to death.
If the formula for long-term weight loss was to simply eat less, move more…then there wouldn’t be such an obesity problem in our country. Yes, that’s a big part of the formula for losing and maintaining; however, it’s so much deeper than that. What works for one person, doesn’t necessarily work for another. I believe self-reflection is key. Everyone has some sort of struggle within their lives, whether it’s financial, within relationships, etc. My issue with weight happens to be more visual than perhaps another’s struggle. It makes me feel misunderstood when I hear the words “overweight” and “lazy” used in the same sentence. I can assure you that through out my life, my struggle with my weight has nothing to do with being lazy.
As I approach my 8 year anniversary of being at my goal weight, I’m still finding ways to deal with emotional eating. So what am I going to do about it? The same thing I’ve had to do every time I’ve realized I need to deal with life in a different way…
“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” Henry Cloud
For every problem, there is a solution that will work if you figure out your personal triggers and you focus on your goals.
My 10 Steps to Combat Emotional Eating
1. Journal what I eat. I’m too proud to write one bag of M&M’s 😉 Lucky for me, technology is way better than the days of carrying a binder around with me. There are lots of great apps that track eating and exercise.
2. Pay attention to how I’m feeling when I get the urge to eat when I’m not actually hungry. Eat with intention. Eat slowly (so my brain catches up to my stomach signalling when I’m full). Actually taste the food I’m eating (the texture, the flavour). Minimize distractions around me. This means no eating away from the kitchen table.
3. There are two types of triggers for me: Emotional and Food related. It’s important for me to realize what my triggers are and then to minimize those triggers.Emotional triggers can come in the form of relationships, sometimes I have to pull back from situations and relationships until I can get back on track. The food related triggers come in the form of certain foods that make me want to eat more and more. These are foods with little nutritional value and are high in sugars. I would never binge on apples. 😉
4. Remember that momentum goes 2 ways! As fast as I can feel like I’m spiralling out of control, I can just as easily take the steps to get back in control and follow that positive momentum into each meal and then into each day.
5. There’s a quote I often think about: “Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Roosevelt. It’s difficult not to compare my progress with another’s; however, we are all different and our goals are different too. The only person I should compare myself with is the old version of me.
6. Look at food in a positive way: Food is fuel, it is not for comfort. I have to look at my daily food intake like an allowance so that my relationship with food is one of sustenance. I give my kids their allowance and it’s up to them what they spend it on. They can spend it on quality items, or waste it. That’s how my food allowance is. To maintain my weight loss, I must eat within a certain amount of calories. I can eat more calories if I add more activity to my day which is awesome. Exercise is important to this equation! I want to spend my allowance on foods that are high in nutritional value. I don’t want to waste it on foods that are low quality and that trigger the desire to eat more, and more. These types of foods for me are (my lovely triggers): Theatre popcorn, milk chocolate, and nachos.
7. Drink more water, at least 8-10 glasses a day. This flushes the toxins and salt out of my body and as an added bonus makes skin glow too.
8. Grocery shop once a week so my fridge is always full of fresh fruits and vegetables. Try not to shop hungry, that never goes well. lol
9. Take the well-meaning wishes and words of advice from others with a grain of salt. When I was obese, people would tell me how to lose the weight. Now that I’m at my goal weight I’ve been told that I focus too much on food and exercise, which is 100% true! I will tell you what happens when I’m not diligent with my food and exercise, I gain weight. That’s just how it is! Sometimes that pisses me right off that I have to be so diligent; however, I refuse to gain back 90 pounds. So yes, I focus on my food and exercise every day and that’s ok. 🙂 I try to do so in a positive way.
10. Be always mindful of what my goals are. Sometimes I write them on sticky notes where I see them everyday. My goal is to be healthy, strong, and fit with balance. My goal is not a certain number on the scale. I need to align my actions to fit into that goal. I am then successful every time I eat a piece of fruit, loads of veggies, healthy proteins, each time I exercise. This also translates into my interactions with those I love. Being healthy encompasses relationships, friendships, family time. It all goes together to build a happy and healthy Mom which my kids need.
Thanks for reading what was actually really tough to publicly share. The reason I shared it today was because of a conversation I had last week with a wise friend. We discussed closet eating and she shared with me that this is an issues she knows many women struggle with. Even if we think we are in that closet all alone. 😉
I hope something I shared here will help another move forward. I know I’m ready to move forward.
I’ve been at my goal weight for coming on 8 years this May. I have managed to stay within the same 15 pound range under my goal these past years by eating healthy, exercising, and laughing my way through this crazy life. That positive mindset is important when reaching any goal, and this proved to hold important truth while I was shedding the weight and then maintaining.
Last year, I stumbled through several areas of my life. I had moments where I extended the middle finger to the foods of green and to the proteins that are lean. I hopped off that exercise wagon and then burned the sucker. I also sported a piss poor attitude about it all. To that end, I gained 15 pounds and saw my exact goal weight number of 165, however; there was a big difference in the feeling of seeing that number now versus 8 years ago. When I finally reached my goal weight 8 years ago, I was filled with pride and a ridiculous amount of happiness. Now….that number fills me with fear that I will put all that weight back on…10 pounds at a time.
Guess what my friends? That’s not going to happen. I can guarantee that, because my head is back where it needs to be.
It’s not about a magic number on the scale.
You see a few weeks ago when I realized I needed help, I hired a fabulous trainer Shannon Olsen. She set up a very different program than I am used to, with the emphasis on strength training (an area I was sorely lacking knowledge in) along with the cardio I know so well. I have kept the weight off predominately through cardio; mainly running with a bit of strength training thrown in along with a healthy diet for the most part. While this did work for me, after 8 years of doing the same thing over and over, my body and my mind grew bored and I lost sight of my goals.
I am so excited to have a new challenge! Unlike straight cardio, I can see progress quite quickly with this strength training program. Where last week I couldn’t possibly do 3 sets of 12 at a specific weight, by the next week I can lift that weight. It has been a big surprise to me how fast the body strengthens and reacts to something new. Even the word “Failure” is a positive word in strength training! It means you have worked so hard, that your muscles can’t work anymore and with failure comes rebuilding. In a nutshell, that’s what I’m doing within my mindset right now.
There are pivotal moments that happen throughout life that you can look back on and remember a shift within your old patterns of thinking. I had one of those this week. I was doing squats with weights on my shoulders. My legs were shaking under the load; I focussed on my breathing and form so I could finish the set. As I finished the reps, I set the weights down with relief. As I stared at them during my rest, I realized that I used to carry more weight on my body daily than I had just laboured to lift.
And I let that sink in. How did I use to carry around that load and think that was “normal”.
This lifestyle choice is indeed a choice, and the end goal is not about weighing a magic number. My body needs this lifestyle; my health depends on it, only I didn’t understand that fact when I was obese.
You see, if you continue with a negative habit over time (which in my case was over-eating and remaining sedentary), your body adjusts and reacts to the behaviour. It feels “normal”, in that it’s what you’ve known for an extended period of time. When I lived with an extra 100 pounds, I forgot what it physically felt like to weigh a healthy weight. I didn’t know I was sick. I didn’t want to relate the feeling of exhaustion, laboured breathing when climbing stairs, and sleep issues to my weight gain. It just “was” and I didn’t allow my mind to take responsibility for that. It wasn’t until a doctor was completely blunt with me that I understood it and I took the blinders off. I was so quick to blame my environment at first…my life was full of excuses: I have no time to exercise. I have an office job. I don’t know how to eat healthy. I hate vegetables. No one will support me. I’m alone in this journey. etc. Excuse, excuse, excuse.
When that doctor told me that I needed to lose weight or I would have health issues (as I was already beginning to have) I was still in denial. Here I was 28 years old, staring at a prescription for medication to control my high blood pressure and all I could think about was that I didn’t have it in me to lose the amount of weight he advised. Me? The red-faced kid at the back of gym class? I can’t exercise, and I have no will-power so I can’t control my weight with just food. No, there was no way I would be one of those annoying girls running from the gym carrying a big bottle of water in her yoga pants.
I was focussed on the aesthetics & a scale number, and not on what healthy felt like.
I didn’t know that I was just handed the greatest gift. I didn’t know that THIS was the moment that I was going to take control of my life and find out what my body could do when I pushed it. What my body would feel like when I fuelled it with whole natural foods and not fast food. I learned the new meaning of what fast food should be, a piece of fruit on the go. I had no idea what it felt like to have that endorphine rush after a workout. I didn’t understand that I would feel pride like I’ve never felt before.
And ya, it was going to take some time, and a whole lot of sweat.
But I knew if I treated my body well, my mind would follow. When you finally show yourself a ‘lil love, you learn to in fact truly love yourself and in turn you love others too.
This was me hiding behind a smile (I remember how I felt in this photo and that smile was all kinds of fake)…
The truth is I don’t have many photos from that time in my life because I lived life as a wallflower. Life was safe that way. I didn’t need to have an opinion, I could live in my cloud of excuses with no bother. I will tell you one thing, life was dreadfully boring that way. I think that’s why I make up my own fun now and laughter is such an important part of everyday, because everyday can be fun if you want it to. Instead of living in my head, I try my best to live life out-loud.
Like this guy: he makes up his own fun.
and this guy too…
You can have your own fun at home without public attention of course, crank your music and dance it out. Maybe shoulder dance in front of your computer!
What was my point? Oh yes, I do have a point… Life is a whole lot more fun when I have my health. Sometimes I need a reminder of that so I don’t take it for granted! I also need to throw out my scale and just focus on eating well and moving. I get too fixated on a magic number that may not be ideal for me as I change my program. Eat clean, move more, laugh often, indulge here and there, laugh, dance, toast a friend with a glass of red, laugh, eat clean, lift a little or a lot of weights, laugh, sleep. Repeat!
If you haven’t tried strength training, I encourage you to try it. Don’t know where to start? Hire a trainer. Yes, hiring a trainer isn’t cheap, but look at it as an investment into your future. Try going for a fitness assessment and ask the cost for creating a program tailored to you. This is knowledge you will have for the rest of your life. It’s a key to vitality!
You are stronger than you even realize.
Thank you to my life-saver Shannon, you have no idea what it meant to me to have you urging me on and getting me back on track in your motivating way. I will always remember your calming and supportive strength, and you’ve taught me so much!
So this is me the other day on my 37th birthday and that’s a real smile. I’m ready to take on this next challenge.
For many years, I chose not to have a voice. I held my opinions within. Through my teen years, I wasn’t always treated with respect, and I didn’t realize I held the key to demand respect. I started off my tender teen years as a victim survivor of a sexual assault and it shaped my perspective on what it is to be a woman in a different way. In a way, that I wasn’t ready for. I feel like I’ve overcome the shame and the pain that is carried over from my past…along with other traumas that I will never share here.
And then,
out of nowhere,
it rears it’s ugly head…
starting out so innocently at first,
but inwardly spiralling out of control.
So, how do I teach my daughter what it is to love and respect herself so much that she treasures the woman she is and accepts nothing less? How do I convey to her the importance of living life authentically where she is true to who she is within and isn’t afraid to let her light shine? How do I explain the life lessons I learned the hard way and will she listen? I am passionate about helping women move forward for a reason, and it’s very close to my heart. I want to scream it from the roof tops now all that I’ve learned, and I’m so thankful for continuing to learn from some pretty amazingly strong women in my life. Thank you all you strong women with a powerful voice!
I’m also sick-to-death of the stereotype of strong women as “feminists”, like it’s a foul word. We are all just people. Equally deserving of respect.
Ok, I got off track! My daughter is not a teenager yet, so thankfully I have some time to teach and build on all I wish for her to know. But in thinking about it today, this is what I want my daughter to know.
~You teach people how to treat you.
~Stand up for what you believe in with passion and speak from your heart.
~If you are respectful, kind, supportive, accepting, and giving…it will come back to you ten-fold and you have every right to demand what you freely give to others.
~Give yourself permission to honour the path that is right for you. It may not be a path that is right for someone else, but if it’s right for you…continue on it and make no apologies for it.
~Forgiveness is a choice.
~You ARE enough. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and believe in you.
~Shoulders back, head held high.
~Committ yourself to life-long learning. We are never done learning. There is no finish line. Just more life to be lived, and more amazing life lessons to be learned.
~Pass on what you’ve learned, don’t keep it in. If you can share and help someone move forward then do it, but do so with respect because belief systems are sacred to another. Don’t push your beliefs on another person. Just live out your reality.
~People know authenticity when they see it. When you share in an authentic way, you will attract like-minded people into your life, and that’s a blessing!
~Never ever give up your power to another person (there are not too many “never ever’s” in this world, but I believe this is one of them!)
~Don’t silence your strengths for the benefit of another’s weaknesses.
~Just because you have other roles “Mom, Wife, Business Women, insert role here” doesn’t mean you have to lose who you are. It’s OK to be carefree, to have fun, to take time for yourself. Your needs are not last. To be a good Mom, you need to have a life aside from your children to grow as a woman. Your children are watching you.
~You are the property of no one.
~You are not defined by what you look like, the clothes you wear, or the shape and size of your body.
~Smile often.
~Love others. Love yourself just as much.
~Mean girls are also filled with jealousy and insecurity. Just smile and move on.
~Invest in your future, find a career you love. Because when you love what you do, it just doesn’t feel like work.
~You will make mistakes, everyone does. Just be sure to learn from each mistake you make and move forward.
~It’s OK to show weakness. You don’t have to be strong all the time.
~Sincere appreciation. It’s a gift you can give to others.
~You are stronger than you even realize.
~Do not forget the things that fuel your passion. Don’t give those up for anyone.
My extraordinary daughter, I will always attempt to teach you all that I’ve learned, but I know that many things you need to learn for yourself. If you learn anything from something that once caused me pain, then there is purpose to it. All I can hope for is that you feel comfortable to talk to me about anything. I hope you realize what an amazing gift you are, how loved and cherished you are, and that you are worthy. Life is meant to be lived with passion. Live it with pride, because you my darling daughter are simply amazing just the way you are.
And when you do find someone to give your heart to, may they also realize just how amazing you are.
I have had a few revelations this week. I’m not sure I can put them into words, but I will try! I struggle with my body image, but when I really think about it, a more accurate statement would be that I struggle with my self-image. I often lose who I am and who I want to be/my goals.
I was thinking back to 2002, back when I weighed close to 250 pounds. I was a shell of a person. I wanted to fade away into the background, away from the judgements of others. I realize today that it really had nothing to do with the opinion of others, but rather my own opinion. I didn’t love who I was. I knew I had it in me to be the person I wanted to be, but I had so much self-loathing that I couldn’t move forward.
What changed for me? I took one little step forward. One step towards treating myself well. A step that was for me and no one else. Those little steps took over, and I started feeling pride in myself; something I had really never felt before. I wasn’t living up to my potential and I had no idea what my potential was. I stayed in this little “I can’t do it” bubble…never challenging myself for fear of failure. What I didn’t understand, was my self-loathing was attached to the knowledge that I was failing myself everyday I stayed on that couch and with every bit of bingeing on the wrong foods that I did.
I have been struggling recently with what my purpose is. And, the feelings that I felt those years ago came back. I realized it has nothing to do with what I weigh. It’s how I’m feeling inside. I’ve felt that same self-loathing lately. Why? Because I am not honouring my goals. My focus has shifted. I am not proud of myself.
When you can get up in the morning and look yourself in the mirror and feel pride for what you are doing in life, there is no better joy. I have spent the last little while, down on myself and there is no power to be found when you are in that place. As a mom, wife, photographer, etc. I have put everyone else first and have avoided taking care of myself. I have avoided relationships that are important to me because I feel like I am failing.
So, I know the root of many of my food/exercise issues start in my heart. I need to love myself, and remind myself daily of my goals. I need to focus on my purpose in life. I need to be proud of who I am. I feel my purpose is to help others that are stuck in this same place. It’s what fuels my desire to move forward as well. I need to feel that I am giving back all that I had taken for granted in life. I want to share joy where I had once found little. I can see so much power, but also deep hurt within so many people who are also struggling and have lost who they are. I can see it so clearly, their bright beautiful spirit, and my wish is that they could see it too.
My favourite quote.
“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” George Bernard Shaw
I need to love who I see in the mirror. I feel fortunate that I have found the path that can make that a reality if only I would take a moment and honour my goals and take action. To be thankful and live my life through gratitude and true joy for life and all it has to offer. There is true power in living a life of joy, purpose, and gratitude.
I recently started a “Reclaiming Life” group on facebook. It has been a great source of motivation and inspiration for me and I hope for others as well. It’s an open group, so if you feel it can help you move forward, please join in! Finding a support network is so important. Sometimes it’s not easy admitting that we need help from others, but the support is there for the taking. 🙂
Reclaiming LIFE 