Tag: Health

Recipe for Success via a Chick’s Weird Mind

Published on by Christine3 Comments

I went for a run yesterday.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I ran. You see I’ve been “meaning to”, but good intentions mean nothing if you don’t actually lace up the runners. It’s like telling a friend you “meant” to phone them, but you didn’t because you were pinning crafts you will never actually craft on Pinterest.

Anywhoooo, As I was running I was wondering why I haven’t hit the trails in a while, and after much thought I had a EUREKA! moment.

I’ve put off running because my mind told me I need to lose these extra 10 pounds I’ve put on.

You would think that if my head said I should lose them, that would translate into the urge to run it off.  For me, It has the opposite effect.

What it does is put pressure on me and it panics me a little. Which spirals into NOT wanting to run, making a few bad food choices, which turns into more bad food choices, which turns into beating myself up, to pass me the chocolate, which leads to a chocolate face sportin’ a pout on the couch.

Here is the key to maintaining my healthy weight

(which for me is a weight that I can maintain and still enjoy chocolate and a martini with good friends).  

The key to maintaining is that my goal is to be fit and healthy.

~the will to exercise attaches to the desire to clear my mind of stress and improve health by building endurance and muscle. For the good of my mind, it has nothing to do with burning calories so I can lose pounds. Exercise makes me feel alive. I feel like Chuck Norris after a good workout, mixed with a dash of Angela Lansbury circa Murder She Wrote.

~the desire to eat healthy foods and drink lots of water produces understanding that these foods are what fuel my energy levels. Healthy foods
+ lots of water = energy, less sick days, and the added bonus of good skin.

~Balance in life is important. Enjoy the beautiful parts of life. Positive out, positive in. Live life with gratitude and a thankful heart. And above all, always give more than you take.

When I combine these factors: Exercise + Healthy Foods + A Grateful Heart: it’s a recipe for Success!

Onto the next part of the formula…Define success?

If I were to measure success by the number on a scale, I would feel like I’m failing!  Especially when I add weight training to my exercise routine.  Muscle weighs more than fat.

It’s the way I think about things that make me feel successful.

I will give you two scenarios to explain it, because this thought process eluded me for years!

Scenario 1: I weigh myself in the morning. I am up 2 pounds from the last time I weighed. Shit balls. Time to work out. Go for a run thinking about the stupid 2 pound gain the entire run. Return home. Drink water. Think about all the foods I want to eat but can’t eat because I’m chubby-chubberson…insert more self-deprecating talk here. Eat a salad with no dressing. Get hungry. Sport my angry eyes. Air punch something. Spend the day thinking about the chocolate bar I’ve hidden in the top shelf of the pantry. Stop taunting me Reece’s peanut butter cup.  Time for supper. What can I eat with the least amount of calories? I choose more salad. Put the kids to bed and the Reese’s peanut butter cup comes alive in the pantry, screaming at me “Hey Chrissy, I’m a cup of sunshine”. Go eat it and return to the pantry to find more snacks. Nothing looks good. Walk away. Return to the pantry with lowered expectations. Eat a bag of butter flavoured mini-rice cakes. Go to bed feeling like a loser with no will power. Will do better tomorrow.

Scenario 2: Wake up and feel off. Why? Realize I have missed part of the maintaining equation. Mood and energy is down, lace up my runners. Run in the sunshine focusing on gratitude simply for the gift that I am able to run. See a goose on the trail, run large circle around it while I scream a bit as it hisses at me. Thank you goose for improving my running time. Return home feeling like a million bucks. I’m awesome. Drink water. I’m hungry and the fridge is full of  fruits, and veggies and left over chicken. Perfect foods to give me even more energy. Drink more water. Feel productive and alive. Turn up music and dance like an idiot around my house. Kids roll their eyes. Try to force a son-mom dance…it’s like dancing with a mannequin. Plan supper, going to roast some veggies with olive oil, seasoned just right with a side of fish and dash of love (I’m corny that way). Eat until I’m full, it feels good to fuel my body with the right foods.   Drink more water. Feeling successful and full of joy and pride, I pat myself on the back. Watch Modern Family on the boob tube and choke on my water as I laugh. Life is good, today was great.

See the difference?! The key to success lies within the mind. That’s great news! I have lived both sides of those scenarios, and life is just a whole lot more fun in scenario #2. I believe I have also given you a glimpse into my weird mind.

I will leave you with some iPhone photo moments, taken when I stopped to enjoy the sunsets and to smell the flowers. 🙂

And a video that my friend Clint shared with me today that brought a smile to my face.

Clint also created a facebook page with thoughts, photos, and links to bring a smile to your day: http://www.facebook.com/sideofthebed

I wish you a ridiculous amount of success finding joy through out your day!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Update on Dad

Published on by Christine34 Comments

Many of you have followed my Dad’s progress as he fights prostate cancer.   Posts about his battle can be found HERE and HERE.

Last week my Dad called to update me on his latest appointment at the Cross Cancer. This was his first checkup since his extensive round of Radiation.

The results show he still has cancer. His levels are a bit higher than when he started Radiation treatment.

He can’t go for anymore Radiation, and he’s already had the surgery. They are going to monitor his levels, and will discuss further options such as hormone treatment.

Dad gave me permission to post this, as he would love some prayers.

My Dad with a few of his Granddaughters, Christmas 2011

I will leave you with my Dad’s words after he shared his break-our-hearts news:

It certainly wasn’t the news I was hoping for. I had a pity party on the drive home until I stopped in Vegreville and saw an elderly couple that needed help loading their groceries. I felt much better after I helped them.

My Dad has always reminded me of Johnny Cash…the man in black with a heart of gold. I love you Dad.

We truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

From my Dad’s heart-of-gold to yours,

Christine

Throwing out the F-Word: Fat

Published on by Christine12 Comments

Now that Christmas and New Years is behind me, I walked into my bathroom with the clear intention to step on the scale. I pulled that devil scale out its lair with dread, and tentatively stared at it for a bit telling myself that it really didn’t matter what number I saw, it was time to get back to work.

I stepped on it, and looked away. Well this is stupid, I have to see the number. And there it was, a number I hadn’t seen in years since I’ve reached my goal weight…160 pounds. I felt a little panicky, how did I manage to gain 10 pounds in just one Christmas season?

I walked downstairs to make a coffee, inwardly fighting the positive with the negative. I have a goal now, no big deal…but, I can’t fit my jeans! I need to get to work NOW. My daughter’s little voice interrupted my inward banter. She sat at the counter colouring a picture of a Disney princess and without missing a beat of colouring she asked. “What’s wrong Mom?” I replied flippantly  “I can’t fit my jeans, I ate too much chocolate over Christmas!”

Now, I’m going to share the next part of the story with hesitation, because I feel a lot of guilt over it. It’s that crippling Mom guilt and it’s replayed over and over in my mind ever since.

My sweet little girl looked up at me and with sadness in her eyes she said “When I was in Kindergarten, A girl told me I was fat. Do you exercise so you won’t get fat?”  I just stood there stunned. I didn’t realize that my own thoughts about my body image would be transferred to my daughter in that moment and that she equated exercising with the need to not be “fat”.

And that began our conversation about foods that give you energy and vitamins, staying active to be healthy and to have energy, and that she is most definitely perfect just as she is.  I told her that I too was told I was “fat” in school, and she giggled at me and said “but you’re not fat, you are thin!” Those words broke my heart, because if I can’t accept my body, how am I going to expect my daughter to accept hers?! We are going to throw out the word “fat” within our household, it’s officially the F-Word.

I share this story with you today, because I know that like me, there are many Moms out there who struggle with raising their children to have a healthy self-esteem.  I believe it’s THE hardest part of the Mom gig…both in raising sons and daughters. With healthy self-esteem, comes self-respect and healthy decisions. A strong self-esteem will aid in preventing my kids from making decisions where they put themselves at risk…because they will value themselves far too much to be dragged down. In some ways I’m thankful I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem growing up, because it’s now a huge priority in how I raise my children. I believe I understand those issues a little better given my past. But there is no way, I will accept that for my own children.

I need to find a healthy balance, because I also want to raise my children to take care of their bodies. To be active (which in their world means playing and running outside),  and to eat healthy foods. To equate all of that with taking care of their bodies, rather than relating it to aesthetics.

So these are my thoughts today, and I don’t have all the answers, but I am analyzing what I’ve done wrong, and the things I’ve done right. I am holding myself accountable, because like it or not, my kids are watching me. They are learning from me.

Active fun is on the menu for Winter. 🙂

To all you Moms out there: If we want to raise healthy, balanced children with self-respect…we better work on that within ourselves.  If you are reading this post riddled with Mom guilt, and you have insights on this topic (or if you share in my struggle), I would love to hear from you! Drop me a comment.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

One Year Later

Published on by Christine4 Comments

One year ago, I published this post: https://reclaiminglife.wordpress.com/2011/01/02/the-most-real-post-ive-ever-published/

What I didn’t know then, was that that post would be the wake up call I needed for change and authenticity to start a new year. I started 2011 with a weight on my shoulders that I immediately felt melt away after I dropped the mask I was wearing for much of the previous year. I felt free to be myself, there is no greater feeling than to just let it all go.

And now one year later, I look back on the past year with a smile and a grateful heart. Our family went through a lot in 2011, but we grew closer because of it. My love and respect for my Dad grew like I didn’t know possible.

With a new year, there is always that feeling of starting fresh. I want to take a moment before moving on to 2012 to revisit some of the things I learned in 2011.

~We are all struggling with some area in our lives to some degree…whether it’s personal or it’s professional…some just hide it a little better. Life has it’s share of failure and defeat. The important part is learning from it, and picking yourself up a little smarter and a little stronger.

~It makes a difference if you start your day off with gratitude.

~An act of kindness towards a stranger, a friend, or a family member can change the course of their day…and as an added bonus it will change the course of your day as well.

~There is beauty in the break down.

~Laughter cures a lot! So do exactly what it is that brings the laughter out. Laugh everyday. Every single day.

~Tell the people you love that you love them. Don’t wait. Tell them now and often.

~Be honest with your friendships, and cherish them. They are valuable. If you find there is a toxic friendship in your life, it’s OK to take a step back. Friendships aren’t supposed to be filled with guilt. If you are kind, loyal, and accepting…you deserve the same respect in return. Not every friendship has to be a close friendship, there are all levels of friendships in life, and they are all important to find balance.

~Enjoy the simple joys in life. A great meal out with someone you love, a phone call with a friend you miss, an afternoon with family, a night playing cards, an afternoon tobogganing with kids.  You will smile more. You will laugh more. Life is meant to be fun. If it’s not fun, make some fun.

Note: now that you’ve seen some cute kid’s tobogganing, may I draw your attention to how adults look when they toboggan….

Where was I…

~If you work from home, get ready in the morning just as if you were heading into work away from home. You will feel better. I spent one year working from home in my PJ’s. I think you could hear the dishevelled in my voice had you called me.

~Eat healthy, drink lots of water, go for a walk/a run/a bike ride. It’s unbelievable how much that improves your health and your over-all well-being. Your body was designed to work that way! Be good to yourself.

~If you hear a song you love and you feel like dancing. Then dance. It’s fun.

~Be exactly who you are, because you will attract like-minded friends. Life is just better when you surround yourself with a whole lot of love (and it’s lots of fun too).

~If you don’t like something about your life, guess what…you can change it. Or you can at least change how you react to the negative circumstances surrounding your life. A cup half-full is half-full.

~Balance is key: in all you do, strive for balance.

~You can’t change anyone else…you can only change yourself, continuing to evolve and grow as life does. Work on you. Don’t worry about anyone else.

“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

~Life is FILLED with people who can teach you something. Listen. Resist the urge to talk…simply listen and your life will change as those lessons (they are gifts) from others sink in.

~We all have different belief systems. Respect other’s beliefs and values. They are as sacred to them as yours are to you.

~It’s rude to text when someone is talking to you. It just is. I’ve been guilty of this! I’ve realized when I’m on the other end of it that it’s just not polite, it sends a message that you are not important enough to look in the eye.  Drop the phone, make eye contact and engage in conversation. 🙂

~The things you fear most in life are the very challenges you should face. I’m not outgoing, and I have to force myself to meet new people and forget the fact I’m socially awkward. If I wouldn’t have taken the steps to meet new people, or if they wouldn’t have taken the steps…I would have missed out on some incredible friendships and experiences.  (Hope: I’m so glad that I forced myself to go to your workshops…the hours leading up to the workshop, my stomach was in knots because I didn’t believe in myself as a photographer…even though I was going to learn. I was so close to not going because of my own insecurities. And look what I would have missed out on!)

~Give your best to your guests.

~Say thank you.

That’s about all I can think of! I know I rambled! Thank you for reading my thoughts, and I am so thankful for each and every person that visits my blog and takes the time to comment.  May 2012 be filled with a ridiculous amount of love and laughter within your life!

From my heart to yours,

I welcome 2012 with open arms and a thankful heart

Christine

Thinking for 30:55

Published on by Christine4 Comments

Sometimes I lose the motivation to continue, to push myself, to regain control.  And then I realize, all I have to do is lace up my runners and get active, and just like that the motivation comes back. The hardest action to do in this scenario is the lacing up of my running shoes. 😉

I did just that today, I went to the gym for a run…even though I didn’t want to. Running is a time that is just for me. It’s a release to clear my head and to think. During my run today, I thought through a lot!

“If you hear a voice within you say I can’t run, then by all means run, and that voice will be silenced.”
(I googled the source of this quote, and it appears this is a take on a quote by Vincent Van Gogh)

I started my run replaying the above quote over and over in my mind. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through running, it’s that my mind is my biggest hurdle to reaching my goals. If you believe with all of your being that you can reach a goal, you will work through the pain to reach it.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” Lance Armstrong

If it wasn’t for replaying Lance Armstrong’s quote in my mind while I ran, I may have given up on my goal to finish 5K under 31 minutes. By the 4K mark I realized that I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t pick up the pace…and it hurt. There was a span of 30 seconds where I just kept thinking “This hurts”, and then I realized I needed to replace it with “So what?! It will only hurt for a bit. Suck it up, what’s a little pain?!” I knew the pain of disappointment would have been far greater, so I picked up the pace and finished with a time of 30:55. For me, that’s a good time. It’s not about how fast others can run, it’s about reaching MY best and then improving upon it.

You can’t compare yourself to another, we are all different. For today, simply do your best, and then tomorrow go a little further, go a little longer. There are no limits to your success…now that’s exciting!

Part two in the quest for motivation comes in setting purposeful goals. Another thing I’ve learned is that for me, it’s harmful to set a goal of losing a certain amount of weight or fitting into a certain size (even at the begging of this journey).  It’s a focus on the external, and that’s not what I’m after.  I want to be stronger/build endurance and to obtain that goal, I need to put the work in. The most FANTASTIC part about that goal is that I see results with every workout, which means I feel successful every single time I put in the extra effort.

Beauty, confidence, and strength comes in every shape and size. As women, we are surrounded by outside influences. Magazine ads, TV commercials, the latest lose-weight-quick program…all in the quest to be a certain size, and to fit into a certain mould. It’s not realistic, nor is it at all original.

What’s interesting about everyone looking the same? Different is beautiful. It’s easy to give up on a goal when you are striving for something that just isn’t attainable because it’s not sustainable for YOU. Because guess what, when you get there, you have to keep it up to stay there. For me that’s just not realistic. I will never be a size 2-4, nor do I want to be. That’s just not realistic for me. God gave me curves, and I’m going to embrace them thank you very much. I’ve been a size 22, a size 8, and all the sizes in between.  I’ve settled where I’m at based on the work I put in and the food choices I make. I’ve found great freedom in the control within that equation.

Thank you for reading through all the thoughts that were swirling around in my head for 30:55. 🙂  I hope your day was ridiculously amazing!

Oh and for those of you who know I have the tendency to get lost in thought and attempt to get into the wrong vehicle in a parking lot…I did it again today. In my defence, this time it was the same make of vehicle and not the blue minivan I tried to get into last time I was lost in thought. Lucky for me, there wasn’t a family in the car (as there was in the blue minivan….oopsie daisey)

I will leave you with a favourite running song (the kind of song that makes you run faster when you want to quit):

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Creating your own Peace

Published on by Christine1 Comment

I’ve been busy with all things photography lately, and although at times it’s overwhelming given all of Life’s other daily tasks, I love busy. For me, with Autumn also comes purpose.

Autumn is my favourite time of year. There is something so magical when the leaves turn and the fields come alive with the harvest. Golden sun-kissed fields fill with rolling trails of dust that hang in twilight skies with each round of the combine.

As a kid, I loved visiting my Dad as he worked in the field. My Mom used to pack a big picnic blanket along with a home-cooked meal so we could all eat together along the field’s edge. My sisters and I would stand at the end of the swath and jump up and down to get his attention.  I remember sitting on that picnic blanket and looking up at Dad who sat on an end gate, precariously balancing a warm meal on his lap while sipping steaming hot coffee from a thermos. If I close my eyes and think back to those childhood memories, the vision of warm golden sunsets over wheat fields fills me with peace. Even today, all I have to do to get that warm fuzzy feeling from home is to turn off pavement and find a gravel road to drive down.

A detour down a gravel road, with the windows down and  Sting’s “Fields of Gold” playing in the background does wonders for my Autumn havest homesickness.

I was shooting a family session the other day at their beautiful acreage. She thanked me for travelling out to their country home, and I had the feeling she believed it was an inconvenience. In all truthfulness, I couldn’t wait for the harvest drive, I loved every scenic minute of it. On the way home I passed by this landscape…

Usually when I’m in the middle of a busy shooting season, I have no desire to take personal photos; however, I’ve focused on moments lately. Moments like these pass us by all the time. It’s up to us to see them.  I knew I had to turn around and take those photos. That whole scene which I appreciated so much at that moment would have been lost to me.

We are often in the business of waiting. We spend much of our lives waiting in lines, at doctor’s offices, the bank, and the grocery store. We wait for the next stage in our lives, and when we make it there, we miss the stage that just passed us by.

There is life within the waiting.

There is life within the chaos.

There is peace in this busy life at this very moment.

I am so grateful to realize that these moments in life that bring peace are all around if I would simply take notice. Not only take notice, but create and re-created them.

The other day I went for a run along trails of green, gold, and amber; the sounds of leaves crunching under my feet as geese flew overhead leaving the promise of winter behind. I knew I loved running in the Fall, but I haven’t made the time for it lately. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the overwhelming feeling of peace that an Autumn run brought me had I not created it.

 It isn’t enough to talk about peace, one must believe it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it, one must work for it.
 – Eleanor Roosevelt

What can you do today to create your own moments of peace?

Peace is just a moment away.  Why wait for peace to come to you when you can create it?

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Thanks for the Dance

Published on by Christine4 Comments

The world can be a selfish place. What about Me? I deserve… I need… I want…

As children, our Mom taught us 6 girls to give the best of what we had to our guests, to hold doors open for strangers, to give without expecting anything in return, to be empathetic and sympathetic to others, and the golden rule. Thank you Mom, you’ve laid out the foundation of how to raise my own children.

I want to share an experience I recently had at my Nephew’s wedding. The room was decorated beautifully and we all came together dressed in our best to celebrate the deliriously happy couple.  As the wedding dance was underway, I found my way to my Mom and my sister Janice’s table. We sat together and watched the couples on the dance floor moving to the rhythm of the music, and it dawned on me that maybe Janice, who’s lived with MS for years, misses dancing. I asked her “Hey, Janice do you want to dance?” She looked at me like I was crazy, and for a second I was embarrassed…how was I going to get her on the dance floor with her limited mobility. What a stupid question!

And then, moments later, as my Aunt Sandy and I were aiding Janice to walk to a different table, Aunt Sandy says “Let’s go dance Janice!”  Janice again looked at Aunt Sandy like she was crazy, but we made our way to the dance floor.  The three of us interlace our arms around one another and just swayed together to the music. Janice giggled throughout most of it, truly enjoying herself. And then the moment hit me: I’m dancing with Janice! Several times I had to choke back my tears, as the gravity of that moment was overwhelming.  It was as if there was no one around us, just the three of us and the sound of Janice’s laughter.

It wasn’t until the song was over and we turned around that I noticed our family behind us clapping, and cheering for Janice. I will never forget that. I know there were family members who took photos, if anyone has a picture of that I would love a copy to frame so I can look at it often.

At the end of the night, as I tried in vain to get to sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about Janice. I thought about all the times when I was so wrapped up in my own life and my own kids, that I failed to look at the world from her eyes. I didn’t think about what she must be wanting and needing and unable to achieve because of the horrible disease she lives with daily. Sometimes the one trait you struggle to handle in another person is the very same trait you struggle with as well…in this case Selfishness.  The trouble with selfishness is it’s a hard one to recognize, because one is wrapped up in their own needs, wearing blinders to others.

All you can do when you are slapped in the face with something you need to change is to learn, move forward, and make the necessary changes. Time to take the blinders off!  Once again you continue to teach me so much about life and humanity Janice.

Janice and my Daughter at the wedding

And Janice, thanks for the dance…

From my heart to yours,

Chrissy

The Special Occasion that is Life

Published on by Christine7 Comments

The other night, a few of us shutter bugs got together for drinks.  One of our friends walked in wearing a beautiful dress and a brilliant smile. She looked stunning. Now, let me tell you she’s an amazingly strong woman with an infectious laugh that permeates from her soul. She’s been fighting the cancer dragon with the sort of strength and positive spirit that leaves me in awe. She is really LIVING her life, taking time in her busy schedule to enjoy the sweet joys of life: Photography, travel, hiking, good food and great company.

Because she was wearing such a beautiful dress, we asked her if she had just come from a special event, and she replied that she had this beautiful dress hanging in her closet which she didn’t have many occasions to wear, so today she wore it…just because it was a beautiful day.  You are an incredible woman my friend!

The simply lesson to enjoy life today…right now…is such a gift.  Thank you Kyla.

For a wedding gift, my Mom and Dad gave us a beautiful cutlery set, housed in a wooden box. For 10 years the cutlery sat untouched in its protective box, as there never seemed to be an occasion special enough to warrant using the “fancy cutlery”. One day as I was searching in vain for a tea-spoon to stir the sugar into my morning coffee (those spoons seem to walk off to school), the image of the “special cutlery” popped into my head. I walked over to the box, scooped up each special utensil, and put it all into the everyday cutlery drawer.  I’m sure my mother would gasp if she knew this…ummmmm so maybe don’t tell her. 😉  Now everyday is a special day for using special spoons.  I feel fancy every time I eat cereal.

What special event are we waiting for my friends? If we instead view everyday as a gift, then every day is special. My hope is that I would view every day with wonder and gratitude. I’m working on that, I forget sometimes and focus on the wrong things, which in the end matter very little.

So let me put this out there…

If you are waiting for a memorable event to enjoy something “special”, why not enjoy it today…just because.

~Dress the table in your fanciest linens, put out the good china and cutlery, prepare a delectable supper, enjoy a glass of that wine you’ve been saving…just because today is a gift.

~Pick up the phone, and call a loved one that you’ve lost touch with.

~Tell your friends and family something you appreciate about them…just because you appreciate them.

~Book that vacation you’ve always been meaning to take, even if it’s just a day trip.

~Take a break from the work, and enjoy the sun even if it’s for 5 minutes.

~Go for a walk, run, or bike ride and really take in all your surroundings. Simply because you can.

~Puddle jump, or go for a walk in the rain. A little water won’t hurt.

~Think of all those goals you’ve put on the back burner…waiting for the “right” time. Maybe, just maybe, NOW is the right time.

~Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try. Life long learning is a gift. I don’t know where I would be without photography. It’s a creative outlet that I’m so thankful for.

~Watch the sun set, or the sun rise.

~You know those fancy towels that hang in bathrooms…they are for display not for use. Use them.

~Get dressed up, and go to the grocery store, or to the movies, or anywhere the daily tasks of life takes you.

And when someone asks you: “What’s the special occasion?” You can then reply with a smile “Life.”

From my heart to yours,

Christine

I’m Home

Published on by Christine2 Comments

I’m often reminded to shift my perspective. Very often. Life aligns to humble and teach what is of true importance.  I’m grateful.

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.
Maya Angelou

For so many years I didn’t feel like I was home. It’s difficult to describe in words, but it was a restless, incomplete feeling. I lacked direction and purpose.  Sometimes in life when one lacks direction, they will take the path of least resistance, which isn’t always the right path. Rather it’s the easiest. I used to say to my Mom when I was young “But that’s too hard” to which she replied “Who said life was easy?”

My purpose was unclear for many years, and at times it’s still unclear.  One needs purpose and direction in order to move forward though. It’s essential. I didn’t understand why my Dad didn’t sell his cattle before he started his radiation treatments.  Looking back on it now, I realize that perhaps he needed to take care of his cattle during one of the hardest times in his life.  It gave him purpose and direction while he was struggling.

So today I’m reminded of the importance of direction even if I’m unclear of which way to go!  Just put one foot in front of the other. Don’t stop searching. Keep going. Life’s direction can unfold itself when one least expects it. Don’t fear challenge, but rather embrace it. When your mind says No, that’s when  you say Yes…we are all stronger than we even realize.

Purpose is found within life’s passion. Those things in life that bring clarity, true happiness, and peace. What is it that you value most?  Often I realize the right decision for me is the one I fear the most. I fear change and the unknown and I hold back on pursuing my dreams because of that.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
Maya Angelou

During my summer holidays, I was once again humbled to my core. I was talking to my Dad and my sister Janice about how I loved that my sisters Brenda and Roxanne shared a joy for running.  My sister Brenda and her husband Mark had just left for their morning run and my Dad said to me “You know Janice was a track star in high school.”  Janice has lived with MS for many years, and because we are several years apart, I don’t remember Janice in high school.  Janice looked at me with longing in her eyes and said “Yes Chris, I used to love to run. I ran in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night! I loved to run. I miss it.”

As those words escaped her lips, I thought of the times that I had to convince myself to go for a run when I would rather be on the couch. I immediately felt small. Ungrateful. Spoiled. Selfish.

A vision of Janice flooded my mind’s eyes, her auburn hair floating in the breeze, her breathing steady, her strong legs urging her forward as her runners hit the pavement at a steady pace.  She ran simply for the joy of being able to.  At that moment, I would have given anything to give her my legs so she could run, even for one last time. I’m so sorry Janice. You teach me so much about life, and I’m so grateful to you. I love you.

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.”  Rick Warren

As soon as I hit publish on this post I’m going to the gym. I’m going to post an uplifting post-it note to the mirror in the change room, and then hit the running track simply because I’m able to run. And I will feel gratitude in my heart the whole time, even when it hurts and I want to stop.

I feel like I’m home now. I’ve found myself through the lessons that others have so selflessly shared with me.  I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.

From my heart to yours,

Christine