There is no guilt quite like Mom guilt. That nagging guilt that creeps in after the kids are tucked into bed, and the days events run over in the mind.
I find as I look around at all the other Moms lined up taking their kids to school in the morning, they appear to have it all together. They make the job of Mom look effortless. I return home to my dish-filled sink, mound of laundry, and crumb laden floor fresh from the morning’s rushed breakfast and wonder how come I can’t get it together? Do other Mom’s rush to find clean socks in the morning or want to lock themselves in the closet with a glass of wine when the kids start round 3 of whining and fighting? Please tell me I’m not the only one.
Having said this, I have much appreciated the many women that have come into my life with the refreshing breath of honesty and have laid it all out there. Their life is as hectic as mine, and they feel the same Mom-defeat as I do.
My wish is this: That we as women would stop masking the struggles and frustrations that come with being a Mom and let go of the expectation of being a Supermom of sorts. That we would share our struggles with other women so we all know we aren’t alone in the mighty quest of being a good Mom.
The idea of Supermom is such an unreachable standard. You do the very best that you can do. Guilt serves no purpose. I may not be a perfect Mom, but my kids are loved deeply. They feel safe and loved and that’s all I can ask for.
This post comes on the heels of defeat. I got to thinking about how many of us are not only striving to be a certain size and shape (cookie-cutter body) but also striving to be a Mom that can handle anything and do so with grace while wearing the perfect butt jeans and a kick-ass pair of heels (well, no heels for me…I have weak ankles).
So, here is my confession. My name is Christine and I have 3 kids.
I have a mound of laundry and although I tackle a load or two a day, it never goes away.
I have had my vacuum cleaner out for two weeks. I vacuum a couple rooms here and there, and then I put it in a new location in my house.
If you come over to my house in the morning around getting-ready-for-school time, you may think my house has been ransacked or robbed, but if you come over at 3 p.m. balance is restored somewhat.
I have a stack of boxes in my basement that I’ve moved three times but I have no idea what treasures are in them, but I can’t bring myself to go through them as I’m sure they hold sentimental items.
I can’t quite seem to have all 3 of my kids on the same hair cut rotation, so one of them always looks more refined given the hair cut schedule.
I eat my lunch at 2 pm everyday because it’s an hour I can have to myself while Tessa has quiet time and the boys are still at school.
I would be a much better friend if I did all the things I want to do for my friends, but I lose the time and my intentions often don’t materialize. If you are my friend, I’ve made you buns and a casserole in my mind several times.
I dance in my kitchen when I’m sad. I always feel better after.
I have yet to take fall pictures of my own kids, but I’ve taken many fall sessions for others. Kids I will corner you yet!
I think my husband knows how much I appreciate him, but I forget to tell him. But I think it a lot. Blog stalker are you there? 😉
Roll call to all busy moms, share a confession with a friend today or share one here! There’s no such thing as a Supermom. We are all Moms: loving our kids and trying out best.
Reclaiming LIFE 
Thanks Christine for this. I feel like this right now… and not only that struggling with moving away from everyone I knew and kids knew. Sitting here still in my pajamas knowing I need to get off my arse and get moving. I too – struggle with the mom guilt, I had such an uneasy feeling leaving my kids for a Rob and Lauren chill session that I just cancelled it all and hope to muster up enough of the non-guilty feeling to attend the next one. I figured leaving my kids with their dad 3 nights a week for bootcamp and a hair cut tonight is asking too much, as well as a whole overnight Saturday and all-day Sunday – but I know in my head it isn’t. Christine we all have a way of masking the guilt, and looking put-together but what I am finding is we all feel the same way. Thank you.
Christine you have three kids!!! Besides the fact that they are sometimes monsters and little creeps, they are all in school, you have three lots of school work to take care of, homework and lunches and the like. You are a working stay at home mom and you are doing a great job. In some peoples eyes, YOU are supermom. The cleanliness or organization of our home does not state the kind of person we are.
There are days (like today), when I am so frustrated with the amount of things that I have to do that I don’t even want to get my son ready for kindergarten, it means that I have to get ready to go outside and drag my 2 year old with me. So today I am contemplating on letting him stay home. Just because! No one is supermom, it all just an act. We all have skeletons in our monica closets. We all need to stop comparing ourselves to one another, us and our kids. It gets us no farther ahead. Our kids come first, as long as they are clean and happy, the rest is just a bonus 🙂
wow, did you write this blog out of a page in my life? glad to see that I am not the only one running around like a chicken with my head cut off!! I HATE LAUNDRY!!!!! it is my biggest pet peave, why can’t it just go away? thanks for making me feel better about myself today as I see someone else is in the same shoes as I am, so if you ever come over to my house for coffee there to will be crumbs all over the floor!!! have a great day Christine~
Confession: Since the baby arrived, I have no time in the morning. Every day, I have to choose whether to eat or shower. Most of the time, I choose to eat.
Confession: I have a cleaning lady. After she leaves, it takes about 3 hours before my kitchen is a mess, there are toys everywhere and baby spit up on the floor. She’s still totally worth the $50 because I don’t have to clean the toilets.
Confession: My husband is the one who remembers to bathe the kids.
Confession: I hate doing dishes. There’s a casserole dish in my sink from 3 days ago, and the left-over chile is still in the slow cooker from last night’s dinner.
Confession: I should be getting the big kid ready for school and the baby dressed for the walk, but I’m reading blogs instead.
Confession: My girl tells me every day that I’m her “best Mom”, and that is the most important thing!
Kerrie: I hope you are adjusting to your move. Moving is hard! Meeting new people that are like-minded even harder! I hope you find your niche in your new home and I hope you get to that chill session. What fun!
Tammy: I do know that organization isn’t my thing, so even without the kids I would probably be unorganized still and that’s OK! lol I love your Monica’s closet comment, so true! I hope you have a great day with your kiddies. I’m looking forward to tomorrow night for a little girl time!
Danielle: I hate laundry too! It’s a weak point for me! It does make me feel better that you can relate being that you have three kids too! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Sarah: Love your confessions. My hubby is the one up on the batheing schedule too! lol It’s so true, my kids think I’m the best Mom and that just melts my heart and makes everything else seem pretty insignificant! Having a baby really gives new meaning to no time to yourself. The demands are tough, but you are doing it all with grace and most importantly with a smile. 🙂
I hereby confess. Some days are great, most are a struggle for me these days. When life throws you a lemon, you make lemonade. But what happens when life throws you a garbage truck – full of emotions, questions, crap, ups and downs, dirty laundry (of all sorts), and every other rotten unforseen circumstance? Well, you hold your head as high as you can…. and sometimes with help from your friends and family. Trudge on! It will get better I keep telling myself. And so I do. I go on for my boys! They need me now more than ever. Show them only as much emotion that they can handle, save the rest for the laundry, the vaccuuming, the dishes….the girlfriends who come over when you need them to.
Another confession – I give out A LOT of hugs and kisses these days. I get a lot returned too. They know I am doing my very best under the circumstances.
I do confess – I am a strong woman and I am willing to accept help when it comes. That makes me stronger.
The big confession -The guilt I feel every day is sometimes overwhelming. Did I tell them I love them enough? Are they OK? Do they have what they need to get through the day? Are they strong enough for all this? Am I doing the right things? Saying the right words? The guilt is overwhelming.
Right now, I must confess, things are looking pretty bleak. But, time heals all wounds, they say. Day by day, things WILL start to get better. I know it. I will just keeping holding my head high with a little help from my friends.
Thank you friends!
Well, I just love this post, and all the comments too!! It is so true…the clean dishes are still in the dishwasher, and the dirty dishes from yesterday are sitting on the counter and in the sink from yesterday…I have laundry sitting in the washer that needs to be switched to the dryer, and about 3 loads that need to be put away…I have sewing that needs to be done…and clothes that I need to take pics of and get posted to sell…and yet here I sit!
BUT, every afternoon, just after lunch , when it’s “quiet time” my son comes and crawls in my lap gives me a big hug, a kiss, and sighs “I love you mom” and every night my daughter says “mom you’re my best friend, I love you” and my baby, well, when I go in to get her from a nap in her crib, she claps and reaches her arms out for me…THAT is what matters! Everything else can wait!
JJ: You are a very strong woman. Your kids are so very lucky that you are their Mom. Sometimes it makes no sense why life deals out “crap”, but you are right, it does make a person stronger, more wise, and more willing to share struggles with others that are struggleing as well. Personally, through the hard times, I’ve been able to be there for others down the road in ways I could have never been had I not gone through them…as painful as they were. Your kids will continue to love and support you no matter what, and will continue to bring some sunshine into otherwise dark days. Hugs to you, and thank you so much for sharing here. Your words have touched my heart.
Kelly: Doesn’t it make everything worth it when the kids show their love?! It is what matters, I doubt they will look back and complain that the dishes were not done. In the big picture, it matters very little. There are few certainties in life, taxes and laundry are for sure though!
Thanks for that Christine. You never cease to amaze me in your accuracy. That being said, I really wish we could have been “friends” before you moved away (see, and I don’t even know if you lived in this little stinkin’ town…isn’t that awful?!) I really think that you are and will continue to be a huge motivation and reality check in my life.
Confession #1: I close my laundry room door so that I can avoid feeling guilt about not folding laundry.
Confession #2: If it wasn’t for my husband, my closets would NEVER get cleaned.
Confession #3: My floor is constantly covered in dry cereal, last nights supper and other bits of snacks through out the day. I try to keep up with it, but can’t. I confess, I just don’t care anymore.
Confession #4: I’m crying right now thinking that all my friends are going to think I’m a dirty person, when really I’m not, I just can’t keep up.
Confession #5: My KIDS remind me to brush their teeth at nighttime…
(BTW Christine, I’m making you a batch of cinnamon buns filled with love right now in my head…)
Teresa: I lived there for most of my life! I wish we would have gotten to know eachother when I lived there too, although I’m quite a different person now than I was then! Your confessions are so much like my own. I can completely relate!!! I very much doubt friends are judging, more like we can relate to everything you are saying! Hugs and thank you for the cinnamon buns, they are delicious (and calorie free!) lol
Christine,
I miss you so much! Your random thoughts on this blog are so great to read cause they make me feel “normal”. In this blog moment it’s like you’ve ripped out a page of the “Megan” book.
Here are some of my confessions…
(There’s ALOT but here’s a few off the top of my head.)
Okay…
1. When company comes I hide all of my dirty and clean unfolded laundry all into laundry baskests and into my bedroom closet.
2. Some nights I go to bed without brushing my teeth…yup, ewww…gross.
3. I never feel comfortable eating infront of people. People may not realize that but it’s very true.
4. I never make my bed…never. Until I hear company is coming.
5. I don’t call my step-kids enough. I feel horrible for that lately.
6. Every single day I look into my mirror naked and think I love my kids but gosh did they ever do a number on my body. Then I have a quick 2 minute self pity-party and get dressed.
7. And when it comes to friends. I love friends. I miss all of my friends in Alberta but do I call? Do I write…nope. Not really. If it weren’t for the wonders of facebook most people would think I have died, not moved.
8. Most days my poor hubby gets home from work he gets the brunt of the daily stresses of 3 kids and the recent move from Alberta. And when he tries to kiss me I’m like “Honey, can you see I’m busy!”
9. Oh and I just added in this one. As I typed these confessions out on my laptop Nathan was calling for me from the bathroom to come wipe his bum and I kept saying “Hang on Honey” So what happens….3 minutes later I look up and notice he gave up and his back to coloring with his brother at the table. With a greasy bum and all. Nice eh?
So this all said-it’s makes me think. And realize. I may not be the perfect woman, wife, mother, or friend. However, I am “normal” and all I can do is try everyday to have a balance. It may not be perfect and I may never feel 100% most days but all I can do is try. Try to remain positive. And thank you Christine for helping me with that cause if it weren’t for your blog I’d forget.
You are such an inspiration my friend!
Megan, you make me laugh girl, and I miss you too! I’ve always valued your positivity and your honesty. It’s so true, so many of us are in the same boat, and it absolutely helps knowing that. LOVE your confessions (I usually don’t make my bed until just before bed time)! You are a fabulous Mom 🙂 Hope you are adjusting to B.C., but we miss you here in Alberta.
Wow, I didn’t even realize that I was trying to be Supermom until I read this and tear’s are streaming down my face! How crazy….
1. My house appear’s to be clean but if you open a closet something will probably fall on your head.
2. Laundry is my enemy, I hate it and have about 100 odd sock’s lurking around.
3. My spare bedroom doesn’t have a spare space anywhere, if someone wanted to stay in there I would probably cry.
4.I worry about my Girl’s so much…one started school and doesn’t know how to tie her shoes and I think, “why did I forget to teach her that?”
The other’s finishing school and has a serious boyfriend…if I forgot to teach shoe tying to Kamryn,what serious life matter’s am I forgeting to teach Nekayla?
5. I never swear, Oh my gosh is about as bad as it get’s….but….sometime’s on bad day’s I will lock myself in bathroom, sit on the toilet, put my hand’s over my face and say barely in a whisper…OH FOR F*CK SAKES!!! (In my own head it is extremely loud)
I love my friend’s because they don’t pretend to be perfect, we share the up’s and down’s and struggle together…which is why I probably didn’t even realize that this was an issue for me until I read it. You are an amazing Woman Christine!
Oh Tina, how you make me laugh. I can just picture you sitting in your biffy cursing silently! lol I too have a 1 sock problem. I don’t understand where those other socks go to?! It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries! I think this is an issue for most Mom’s. I’m not sure why Mom guilt is so powerful, but I wish I could get past it. It’s a step in the right direction though being able to share it with other Moms and know that we are in the same guilty boat! Thanks for your comment, Love you!
I’m just reading, and nodding, and nodding some more. The number one question people ask me is, “How do you make stuff blurry in the background of pictures?” The number two question is, “How do you do it all?” Frankly, being really really busy is the best way to avoid someone figuring out that my life is actually really lame. (And, it gives me a legitimate excuse for ignoring the dog poop, dust bunnies, and stacks of un-filed papers.) Really, it’s a chicken or egg thing for me whether the mess or the busy came first. Mutual spontanaeity perhaps.
I read this a while ago but just didn’t have the time to respond. So here it goes…
When I get up in the morning we have breakfast and I put what I can in the dishwasher while the kids finish eathing and the rest in the sink to wait for lunch dishes. I’m in no hurry because I know the kids are waiting to play.
When we leave for Ava’s preschool, twice a week, the dishes sit on the table, the crumbs on the floor. Lucky if her hair is brushed before we pile into the car. Recently after hearing another couple Mom’s talking at school, I realized they are all in the same boat. That is when I decided to stop pretending to be super-Mom. I refuse to get up at 5am like the ONE super-mom at her school who truly says she gets everything done.
Everyday the laundry piles up in the basket but I throw in a load or two once a week. I forget about sorting like my mom taught me (white, light colors, dark colors, denim), I just don’t have the time. Good thing I have a super big washer and it fits a lot of clothes.
You may find a load of laundry in the dryer and one or two on my bedroom floor waiting to be put away.
My family room and kitchen floors are always a mess. The vacuum graces the floor twice a week and a mop once a week. I really think this is pointless though.
I have given up on being the school-teacher mom and teaching my kids as much as possible all day long. They will learn their alphabet and to print when they go to school.
I never have time to scrapbook or sort and print my own photos.
I sit on the couch and read 15 minutes of my book each day while the kids play and fight in front of me. It is only 15 minutes of me time and they aren’t hurting each other.
I haven’t filed anything properly in the last two years. Bills and important papers are slowly getting dusty and lost on the shelves and trays beside the computer.
The basement hasn’t been vacuumed in a month and the bathrooms haven’t been washed in three weeks.
My confession is that I recently started taking Braedyn in her pajamas with her hair unbrushed to drop Ava off at school. I focus on getting grocery shopping or short errands done during this time only once a week.
If I have fifteen minutes I grab my dish cloth and wash the dishes or prepare those veggies for snack time. I will grab my scrapbook stuff and sort items for pages or organize a few photos on the computer. I will sit with a good book. Something will get done in small spurts, but it will eventually get completely done.
I have realized that as long as I don’t care what other Mom’s think and I truly enjoy my kids each and every moment that I can, without living in a pigsty or driving myself insane, that is what counts.
I know I am a good mom to my kids already but when I focus more on playtime with them, I truly appreciate it more. Hearing “Mom I love you” out of the blue or to recieve a hug or a kiss is more cherished. I don’t care if that lady says “Look at her kid, she’s a mess and still in pajamas.” They cherish me more than if I spent all my time doing the dishes, feeling stressed and rushed.
Wow Helena, thanks for sharing…you said so many things that I wish other mothers could hear and TRULY understand.
Ha… I missed this one in October while I was still pretending to be perfect even though I always knew I wasn’t! And here it popped out at me in February~about 3 months after I admitted I wasn’t fooling anybody!
When you walk in my front door my sitting area is always tidy and freshly vaccuumed! It is behind the wall that lays my kitchen, not visable from the front door… My dishes are always stacked and I admit I have considered the view from my neighbours back door and try to ensure they cannot see dirty counters or dishes from where they stand!
My kids homework often gets lost amongst my piles of papers that I just can’t get a handle on! It’s kind of like the dog ate my homework story except it is the mom lost it, story…
I throw any article of clothing (clean or dirty)down the stairs (half way to the laundry room)and often have a pile large enough for the kids to swim around in, I figure it makes the land softer if they happen to fall down the stairs!
Anything that doesnt have a home gets tossed down the stairs into the basement… I dont even try to put it somewhere nice, I just chuck it and hope it doesnt break!
My bed is never made unless someone is coming over, and my bedding doesnt get washed weekly unless someone is coming to sleep over or one of my children or animals has left some special treat behind…. (Icant believe I just wrote that)
My fridge at the moment has something very stinky in it… I cant be bothered to look for it because I finally got the dishes done and I know there is an entire load of dishes in the fridge so I just close the door and hope it goes away…
My child is often late for school because I am super unorganized… We have Tim Hortons for breakfast atleast once a week, usually twice…
I am super thankful that I unloaded this here today! I have to go now because… I just spent a half hour writing and reading on here and still havent completed the housework and have a very busy day planned for play…
Thank you all you busy Moms for sharing your struggles! It makes my heart so happy that we can all be honest about it! Takes the pressure off. 🙂 Love you!