Category: Exercise

I’m Home

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I’m often reminded to shift my perspective. Very often. Life aligns to humble and teach what is of true importance.  I’m grateful.

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.
Maya Angelou

For so many years I didn’t feel like I was home. It’s difficult to describe in words, but it was a restless, incomplete feeling. I lacked direction and purpose.  Sometimes in life when one lacks direction, they will take the path of least resistance, which isn’t always the right path. Rather it’s the easiest. I used to say to my Mom when I was young “But that’s too hard” to which she replied “Who said life was easy?”

My purpose was unclear for many years, and at times it’s still unclear.  One needs purpose and direction in order to move forward though. It’s essential. I didn’t understand why my Dad didn’t sell his cattle before he started his radiation treatments.  Looking back on it now, I realize that perhaps he needed to take care of his cattle during one of the hardest times in his life.  It gave him purpose and direction while he was struggling.

So today I’m reminded of the importance of direction even if I’m unclear of which way to go!  Just put one foot in front of the other. Don’t stop searching. Keep going. Life’s direction can unfold itself when one least expects it. Don’t fear challenge, but rather embrace it. When your mind says No, that’s when  you say Yes…we are all stronger than we even realize.

Purpose is found within life’s passion. Those things in life that bring clarity, true happiness, and peace. What is it that you value most?  Often I realize the right decision for me is the one I fear the most. I fear change and the unknown and I hold back on pursuing my dreams because of that.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
Maya Angelou

During my summer holidays, I was once again humbled to my core. I was talking to my Dad and my sister Janice about how I loved that my sisters Brenda and Roxanne shared a joy for running.  My sister Brenda and her husband Mark had just left for their morning run and my Dad said to me “You know Janice was a track star in high school.”  Janice has lived with MS for many years, and because we are several years apart, I don’t remember Janice in high school.  Janice looked at me with longing in her eyes and said “Yes Chris, I used to love to run. I ran in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night! I loved to run. I miss it.”

As those words escaped her lips, I thought of the times that I had to convince myself to go for a run when I would rather be on the couch. I immediately felt small. Ungrateful. Spoiled. Selfish.

A vision of Janice flooded my mind’s eyes, her auburn hair floating in the breeze, her breathing steady, her strong legs urging her forward as her runners hit the pavement at a steady pace.  She ran simply for the joy of being able to.  At that moment, I would have given anything to give her my legs so she could run, even for one last time. I’m so sorry Janice. You teach me so much about life, and I’m so grateful to you. I love you.

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.”  Rick Warren

As soon as I hit publish on this post I’m going to the gym. I’m going to post an uplifting post-it note to the mirror in the change room, and then hit the running track simply because I’m able to run. And I will feel gratitude in my heart the whole time, even when it hurts and I want to stop.

I feel like I’m home now. I’ve found myself through the lessons that others have so selflessly shared with me.  I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

On Change, Drive, and Perseverance

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For years I gave myself permission to give up. I resisted challenging myself. I fought against change. I scratched the surface of what I was truly capable of. I didn’t know what I was capable of because I never truly put in all of the effort I had to give.  I was cheating myself.  I recognize that now.

“Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all, because you’ll be forever in the control of things you can’t give up.” Andy Law – Creative Company

I have a memory that I will always hold on to. I was sitting in my car outside of my work, it was 8 years ago.  It’s a memory of a thought actually. I was desperate to lose the weight I had packed on in my teens and 20’s but I didn’t know how. I thought “If only I could pay someone to teach me how to lose it. A quick fix. I don’t know how to eat a healthy and well-balanced diet. I don’t know how to work out. I just don’t know…I’m stuck here.”

The memory of the feeling attached to being “stuck” is something that I will never forget and I channel that memory every time I want to give up today.

Every time my legs scream to stop running ~ I remember, and I keep going.

Every time I want to skip a workout ~ I remember and I lace up my shoes.

Every time I believe I can’t reach a goal ~ I remember and I forge on.

That “stuck” feeling was so overpowering, that it’s the reason I won’t go back there. When I first started changing my lifestyle, I did feel like I was giving something up.  It was a way of life that I was comfortable with in many ways, even though it was destructive. It took awhile for the end picture to become visible to me, but I felt the benefits of exercise and changing my diet early on.  It’s funny how your tastes change, and they do change.

The prescription for change in regards to my lifestyle has transferred into other areas of my life that have required change.  One has to be able to give up something that they perceive as valuable.  The best part is, often down the road you realize that it wasn’t all that valuable in the first place and with healthy change comes healthy replacements carrying equal value.

I have a honeysuckle vine growing up the side of our deck.  This year it looked dead.  It was a sad mass of twisted & woven brown vine. I was surprised when I saw signs of new green growth from the bottom.  The new fresh vine has now woven its way into the dead.   I could have cut back the dead vine before the new vine made its way to the top, but I left it.  It’s symbolic. Never underestimate the power of new, the will to fight, and the drive to persevere when you think you have nothing left.  It’s within all life. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

6 years ago today

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Six years ago today, I reached my goal weight.  Back then I was part of an amazing healthy living support group called “Journey to the Heart” (JTTH), led by my dear friend Ginette. There was a reunion week-end planned the year I reached my goal, and during the celebrations, I received my key chain which signified all the work I put into reach my goal.  I carry that treasured key chain with me today.

The JTTH reunion week-end is a time I will never forget and I’ve made some incredible friendships thanks to the creation of that group.  The women I’ve met through JTTH touched my heart and taught me so much about life…to persevere, to keep going when I wanted to quit, and the power that comes along with a community of understanding and supportive friends.  Thank you!

Ginette handing me my goal weight keychain

I love when an anniversary rolls around for all dates that mark a change in life. These milestones remind one to look back to the beginning and reflect on the changes and growth that’s transpired through the years.

Today, I want to thank to all those amazing people in my life that were my inspirations, my reasons for moving forward, my teachers of life lessons. One of the most amazing lessons I’ve learned over the last few years is that when you finally figure out who you are and put it out there, you will draw in the most amazing like-minded individuals.  I can’t begin to explain how thankful I am for my friends and family.  You are most definitely food for my soul.  So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Collectively, you have changed my life.

I wasted many years…living in fear.  Fear of the unknown, of change, and of failure.  But you know what?  I’m thankful for those years because I would have never appreciated the goodness of life if I hadn’t once taken it for granted.

I remember a time about 8 years ago, my son Ty wanted me to go swimming with him.  I just couldn’t bring myself to put on a swim suit. I avoided facing the reality that I had packed on over 90 pounds in a period of just a few years.  I avoided friends whom I hadn’t seen in a while, social situations, and getting my photo taken (I have very few pictures with me and my kids when I was at my heaviest).  My fear, anxiety, and remorse not only held me back from living life, but it also held my kids back from being active.  I wish I loved myself at that time in my life, I lost out on building relationships with those I loved.

I used to believe that being proud of your accomplishments was being boastful and arrogant. But let me tell you my friends, I need to be proud of changing my lifestyle because it’s directly tied to my body image.  I’ve had a few friends joke to me over the years that I’m too wrapped up in the calorie/fat content in foods, and in my need to stay active.

The only way I’ve managed to stay at my goal weight is by staying focussed on what I’m eating, but more importantly, on the correlation between food and activity.  It’s necessary for me.  If I’m not diligent in that area, I WILL gain the weight back. I’m at a healthy weight today, and I plan to stay that way because it’s the place I physically feel the best.

Our bodies are designed to eat whole natural foods and to move!  As long as I’m physically able to be active, I believe I should be and I’ve learned that lesson from those who are not physically able to be active.  There’s so many ways to add physical activity to one’s daily life.  Walking instead of driving, biking with the kids, dancing like an idiot, anything that gets that heart rate up for a bit…it makes me feel alive inside.

I forget sometimes that people who just meet me have no idea of where I started, and because of my tendency to be socially awkward, it takes some time to “get” me. 😛  I’m working on the whole “I won’t be awkward in public situations”, although awkwardness is just a part of who I am I’ve decided!  I’ve become OK with being misjudged on many occasions.

I do hope I never portray that I think I have all the answers in this area, because I can assure you that I don’t! I can only attest to what works for me, but everyone is different. I believe life is a continual learning curve…all one can do is their best and their best changes as life changes.  I didn’t start running for 30 minutes, I started running for 30 seconds.  Seriously a few years ago, I was physically unable to sustain a running pace for more than 30 seconds.  BUT…the body adapts quickly, and within two weeks I was able to run 1 minute, then 5, then 10, then 20, and so on.

Photo on Right: Taken by my beautiful friend Amy Alexander.

This is how I view things today, feeling pride is actually a bi-product of gratitude.  I am so grateful for a life where I recognize all the blessings around our family.  I’m grateful for the amazing people I’ve met along the way. I’m grateful that I am able to pass on what I learned….if it touches another’s heart.  A circle of support is something to treasure, and it’s built up through sharing and connecting on a genuine level.

So today, I look back with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

The photo below from 2002 was one of the rare instances that I went swimming with my kids.  Today, we spend much of our time on the beach and in the water when we go to the lake. 🙂

I finally feel like I’m home within my own life and there’s so much more life to live.

I want to show my kids that life is meant to be actively lived when I was once a side-line Mom, scared to try new things. You can only do the best you can in each stage of your life.

Music is one of those gifts that mark life events, and when you hear a song tied to a memory, you are taken right back there again. This piece from the film “The Piano”, was one I used to listen to over and over again (on cassette tape!) It reminds me of a difficult place in my life; however I’ve learned so much going through those difficult times so I’m just grateful.

To my supportive friends and family, I love you!  You amaze me with each passing day. As life flies by, you continue to prove that there are no limits to your strength, wisdom, and acceptance.

From my grateful heart to yours,

Christine, 6 years at goal weight 🙂

Meditation

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I have always wanted to learn how to meditate, however my mind is always going…thinking, thinking, thinking.  The days are so busy, how am I going to etch out some time to be silent in the middle of hectic?  Take today for example (and as I write this it’s not quite 2 p.m.)

I woke up this morning to my hubby whispering good-bye in my ear. The room was still dark, must have been really early.  The night before we had joked that I never say anything back to him when he says his daily good-byes. In my morning slumber, I believe I do so this morning I make sure I repeat everything he said to me…attempting to say it at the exact same time. We laughed and I went back to sleep. I was awoken thirty minutes later to the sounds of my dog Teddy frantically barking as my son was playing with him in the living room. My daughter soon joined in, and within a few minutes there was the familiar song of sibling rivalry going on. Wiping sleep from my eyes, I dragged my weary legs to the kitchen to make breakfast for all three kids.  They know not to talk to me first thing in the morning, they know to give me at least 10 minutes before any demands are made. Robotically, I spread peanut butter and jam on their toast. I make coffee. I need coffee.

The pace turned hectic as we rushed to get out the door for school.  Homework to be found, socks to be matched, clothes and hair to be fixed.  “Mom I can only find one mitt, oh and sign this sheet, also I need 2 cups of chocolate covered raisins by tomorrow for a cooking project.” my son yells to me.  I think to myself:  “Who cooks with chocolate covered raisins and Why don’t I get my act together and have everything organized the night before?”.  One would think that would make life easier.

I opened the garage door; the chill of winter slapped us across the face as I realized that the deep freeze is still upon us. I told the kids to jump in my car. We are running late. I’m not above driving the two blocks to school just so we don’t have frozen hair and eyelashes today.  There’s a lot of school traffic on cold days. There was a lady waiting to turn left at the school, meaning she had to cross the traffic.  The same traffic that wasn’t moving only because she needed to make a left hand turn. Suburb deadlock.  “Why must you turn left and hold up traffic lady! For the love of chocolate, just turn right and circle the block” I whispered under annoyed breath.  We ran into the school, my finger tips were numb. Kisses, “I love you’s” and “you’re awesome’s” were exchanged.

I returned home to clean up from the morning rush.  I feel tired and the day has just begun. E-mails to answer, phone calls to return, laundry piled up, the house in shambles, my accounting records for 2010 lay open waiting for me to finish them.  “Stop taunting me accounting records. Why must the government need these?” I say out loud. I’m weird like that, I’m a talk-to-yourself-er. I want to go back to bed.  I look up at the clock after the morning errands, and It’s already time to pick up my daughter from Kindergarten. In fact, I have exactly one minute to get back to the school.  I can’t find my keys, why am I so absent-minded?  Rush out the door.

When I get home from picking up my daughter, I have the overwhelming urge to work out.  I don’t like to plan when I’m going to work out, the inner exerciser be-yatch eventually calls out.  I quickly put on my workout gear, lace up my runners, grab my iPhone for music, and head to my unfinished basement to my make-shift gym (complete with non-drywalled walls).  My son plays his Xbox downstairs, and there is evidence of a lounging Teenager everywhere. I clean up, muttering under my breath.

Time to run.

I find my power list on my iPod filled with music that is the perfect pace for running. Green Day, Clutch, ACDC, BEP, The Offspring, Rihanna, Muse, The Black Keys.  I take a big gulp of water and turn the treadmill on for a 5 minute warmup walk.  I’m stiff at first, and after my warm up I tell myself I will just run for 10 minutes. I always tell myself that, so I don’t complain. I up the pace to 6.3 and I focus on the same spot on the wall that I’ve stared at for years while I run.

I have no time to  stress about my responsibilities  All I can do is focus on this run, on my breathing, and on the uncomfortable feeling that is creeping into my muscles…travelling up my legs and into my lungs. I want to stop after 10 minutes, but I push that feeling out and convince myself I will run another 10 minutes. I get to 20 minutes, my legs have found their pace. I want to keep going. I want to beat my previous 5K time of under 30 minutes. Time to pick up the pace. I turn it up to 7.0 for 5 minutes (uttering a couple MF’s along the way), and back down to 6.5 for the remainder of the 5K.

The music is timed perfectly to each running step. I feel powerful, like I could do anything I set my mind to.  I feel strong, proud, and in control.  The more uncomfortable I feel, the more I say yes…I can do this. This is just the feeling of being alive.  I can’t explain the feeling that washes over me. It is not comfortable; however I realize, this feeling is PEACE.  Uncomfortable yet peaceful. Because that’s where peace lies for me…in pushing out of my comfort zone, in challenging myself, and in moving on.

While I run, I think about a friend whom I admire. She has found an amazing bright patch of happiness that she’s carved out of darkness. Does she know how amazing she is? There’s no point in keeping the good feelings within. I will tell her how amazing she is, but first I must finish this run in under 30 minutes. 🙂

When I’m done my run, I sit on my weight bench and catch my breath. I reached my daily goal. I’m smiling. I’m happy.

No stress, just strength and peace.

I’m thankful.

Life is actually a lot simpler than I think it is.

I want to continue on my day with this feeling.

Love, love, love.

Peace, peace, peace.

Maybe THIS is my form of meditation.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Motivation by way of Goals

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“Goals.There’s not telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There’s no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There’s no telling what will happen when you act upon them.” 
Jim Rohn

The times in my life when I have felt the most alive and inspired have been when I set an attainable goal and focussed my energy on reaching it.

Setting goals inspires motivation. Without clear goals set, there is no direction. I had forgotten this simple truth! I had been going through my workouts last month dragging my heels. Now that I’m at my goal weight, the motivation to continue on this path is a struggle sometimes, because my goal was to reach a certain weight.

This is a lifestyle, and in order to continue working out and eating healthy I need to set goals along the way…benchmarks to work towards.  It took me awhile to reach the goal of running 5K several times a week, but now that I’m here…it’s not a challenge anymore.  I needed a new challenge. Recently I set a goal to run a 5K in under 30 minutes. For me, this was a tough-to-reach goal as my comfort zone lies within a slow jog at this point.  Seriously people, at the running track  it is not uncommon to get passed by a power walker.

After setting the goal of running 5K in under 30, I woke up every morning excited to work out. Would today be the day I would reach the goal?  When I wanted to stop or slow down, I knew I had to press on because I wouldn’t allow myself to have a slower result than the day before.  I shared my goal with others so I was accountable. When I reached my goal, I was so happy! 5K in 29:31.  Within a few minutes after reaching it, I thought: Huh, now what…time to set a new goal.

My new goal is to run a 9 minute mile, and then to sustain it for 5 K.  I’ve also started strength training again using Jari Love’s “Get Ripped” DVDs three times a week so I can build some muscle in my un-muscley arms and legs. Good-bye Grover arms (except my grover arms come with an under-arm waddle).

Do you have a goal you are working towards?  If you don’t, I want to encourage you to set one today and enjoy the process of working towards reaching it.  If your goal is a big one, split it up into small goals and enjoy the pride when you reach each small goal along the way. Small changes & small steps, add up and produce huge results in the long run.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

That Feeling

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A dear friend of mine whom I’ve known and loved for years, asked me how I got to the point of where I am today of keeping the weight off.  I’ve always described to her that it’s a feeling, a stat-of-being that I can’t put my finger on and it’s difficult to describe through words, but you’ll know it when you get there.  It’s not a formula of exactly what to eat and how much to exercise.  It comes from within.

I’ve watched her transform as well over the past year.  She’s growing and changing and it’s been amazing to witness.  As we talked on the phone yesterday, she described to me how powerful she felt, how she felt self-respect, and self-confidence and didn’t quite know how she arrived there, but she felt it.  Eureka!  She’s there!  It was one of those moments that happen in life that you know you will always remember.  She’s on her own path of self-discovery!

That moment happened for me when I still had quite a lot of weight to lose.  I was still in the 200’s, but I knew with all of my being that I would reach my goal weight and keep it off this time.  I may have been far from my goal, but I already felt like I had arrived.  It was just a matter of time. Over my 20’s I had tried quite a few ways to lose the weight, but none of them felt sustainable and my drive and desire gave way to defeat.  Which, in turn gave way to eating more, moving less, and gaining even more weight than before.

So how can I explain the difference this time around?  The big change for me was that the positives of getting this part of my life under control outweighed the negatives of staying as I was. I was miserable, uncomfortable in my own body, and lacked self-confidence.  The drive and desire came from a place of refusing to no longer live life like I had in the past.

I truly didn’t feel strong enough to tackle what I knew would be a huge undertaking to lose 90 plus pounds, so I didn’t view it that way.  I set out a range of goal weights, the first being under 200, then second being 185, the third being 170, and finally the last goal weight of 165.  My weight just naturally settled at 150 by way of my lifestyle.

There are many ways you can choose to eat and exercise. I LOATHED exercising at one time, because I didn’t feel anything within.  It was just a chunk of time that I sweated my butt off, but I hated every minute of it.  It was that way at the beginning of my journey as well, but this time I forced through it because my mind was clear on my goals and my desire to move forward was strong.  There was no more excuses, no more “I’ll deal with it later”.

Before I knew it (it truly doesn’t take long), I could feel my mind and body getting stronger.  I was more coordinated.  I was more confident.  The negative inner banter fizzled away and was replaced with positive, because didn’t I deserve to be the woman I always wanted to be?

The mind is the most powerful tool, and to me it’s the one factor between success or failure towards a goal of any kind.  There’s no room for “I can’t”, or “maybe tomorrow”.  The time is right now because you say so.  When you change those thought patters, the weight will come off, make no mistake about it.

I’m not sure if I articulated what that feeling is, but I will tell you this…It’s amazing!  It transfers into all areas of life.  It turns the discouraged into the encouraged. But one of the greatest rewards is it turns one into an encourager of others.  Recently a friend told me I had the gift of encouragement (thank you!). I never looked at it that way before, but it truly is important to me to encourage and lift up others as I will always remember what it felt like to be stuck in a place where I didn’t feel that within.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

The Most Real Post I’ve Ever Published

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My first post of 2011.

What should I write.

“The New Year is a time where we take stock of last year’s hurdles, and resolve to move forward” Delete, delete, delete

“2010 was a great year, and I look forward to 2011 having learned…” Delete, delete, delete

Here’s the truth.

2010 was not a good year for me.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over, I’ve never looked forward to a New Year more.

I can’t look back at 2010 without being thankful for everything I learned however.  I reread a few posts from last year, and what struck me most was that I know how I was feeling when I wrote many of those posts, and at times it didn’t match up to what I wrote.  When I wrote to let the happy in, I was struggling to find happiness. Many of the posts felt like pep talks to myself, as I was dealing with struggles, conflicts, and loss (I can’t find the right word).

Having said that, I do wholehearted feel everything I write, but through loss it’s hard to cling to the positive and LIVE it.  Last year I felt loss over many areas of my life…within important relationships and also through the news of my father’s cancer diagnosis.  When I say loss, I mean that I lost a way of life/an outlook that I felt comfortable in.  I have reinvented many areas of my life, but change occurred slowly and on my terms. Life never presented quite so many hurdles as 2010 did.

I don’t mean to be dramatic, but it was a year of high highs and low lows.  I often felt like I was pretending to be happy when in reality there were many points throughout the year where I was far from it. Now, I say “was” because I’m taking big steps towards inner peace and happiness.  I’m making changes and I’m going to stop ignoring those things in life that I need to deal with as they feel intimidating.

One of those areas is my photography.  There is much to do when you are talking photography as a business.  In the past I’ve viewed it as a hobby. I can’t do that anymore.  It has taken me years to call myself a Photographer.  I used to say “I take photos on the side”.  I had a hard time putting value on myself as a photographer, because I was forever comparing my skills to others who have spent years on their craft. I compared my worst to their best.  It strips away the fact that we all grow as we work. We don’t start off great…the greatest things in life are those you work hard at.  It doesn’t come easy, and it’s not supposed to. I need to put value on my time because time is precious…this much I’ve learned over the past year.

I have to also add that 2010 wasn’t all bad.  There was a lot of happiness too and friendships found which grew through acceptance within the year.  And, as a dear friend pointed out to me, there was much laughter which came through the tears.  She also shared with me this quote: “The hardest place I’ve ever stood is the strongest place I’ll ever stand”.

I can’t wear a mask anymore, meaning I am focussed on just being who I am and learning to accept the good with the bad. Positivity doesn’t always come naturally to me, but I need to focus on the positive.  I need to feel pride. There will always be negative in everyone’s life…I know that.  But, last year I admitted to very few that I was struggling and that on many days I lived with a forced smile.  Why did I think I couldn’t be real with those that love me most?  When I finally did share some of my struggles with friends I felt close to, they also shared their struggles with me.  I don’t believe one should share everything with all, but we all have special people in our lives that we can share life’s challenges with.

I’m going to do something completely out of my nature (insert panic attack here).  A few days ago, I published this post.   https://reclaiminglife.wordpress.com/2010/12/29/new-year-new-state-of-mind/ It wasn’t a good day for me, I was dealing with a lot at the time. After I published the post, I accidentally clicked the “photo booth” icon on my Mac (it’s an application that takes your photo from the inner camera on the screen).  Without meaning to, I clicked the red button that takes your photo while I was attempting to close out of the application, and this is what I captured.

It shocked me that I looked so sad but I decided not to delete it as it truly captured how I was feeling at that exact moment…it wasn’t pretty, but it was real.

The whole reason I gained 90 plus pounds over the course of a few years is because I didn’t allow myself to feel that, I used food as comfort.  Now that I no longer use food in that way, I’m forced to feel it, have myself a little pity party and then move on.  I often turn to exercise to get me through the tough times, as there is no better way to deal with pain in a positive way. There is always good that comes out of the bad, but I can’t pretend that life is great all the time, because it’s not.  I will always have choices however, and to get through a year that carried with it a lot of sadness and come out of it with a lot of positive and the desire to live with a zest for life is something that fills me with gratitude.

Make no mistake about it, I will always look for the silver lining. I just need to allow those I love to see my weakness and struggles because that’s how you build authentic relationships.  You let the real in.  There is such freedom when you let go of the control over how other’s may or may not perceive you.  As another dear friend wrote on her status the other day “(she’s) going into this New Year being true to herself. You cannot move forward or build sustainable, worthy relationships of value if you start off on false pretences. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but at least you’ll know what kind of tea you’re getting.” Wonderfully put my friend, and you absolutely are my cup of tea.

Life is good to its core, but you have to fight to move forward sometimes.  You have to make choices towards the bigger picture of living a life of pride and happiness.  That is what this new year means to me, so I welcome it with open arms.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

New Year, New State of Mind.

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I’m editing a set of photos from the “Beauty from Within” project I shot before Christmas (click here if you wish to view the photos). It’s an amazing project where the girls are shown that the true measure of beauty comes from within.

As I was editing the photos, I realized that my frame of mind in regards to my own body image isn’t the greatest at the moment. Christmas was filled with amazing food!  I certainly had my fill and after days of over-indulgence I was down about it.  Guess what my friends, the amazing foods that accompany Christmas is a great part of life!

Balance.

I started back to my workout routine yesterday, but what I realized as I was trying to channel inner strength to finish a 5K run, is that my mind was clearing with ever laboured step I took.

I felt inner strength that had escaped me since my last workout. There it is…the power of a great workout, it just clears the mind!

During that workout, I had the clarity of mind to remember that with the New Year usually comes a panic to make resolutions and goals.  The trap that comes with New Year resolutions, is that they can be extreme and hard to maintain as part of a daily lifestyle.

With that said, this year I’m resolving to shift my focus to a state of mind brought to me by the amazing women and girls from the “Beauty From Within” project.

Beauty from Within.  It’s not about fitting into a pair of jeans, or worrying about bathing suit season as I have in the past.  For me, it’s about using exercise for clarity, inner pride, and peace of mind.  It’s about viewing food as fuel.  It’s about finding those things that bring pride and joy into my life.  A world of positive, I cans, and I wills. It’s about authentic relationships built on acceptance and support.

I also realized that little changes can produce big results if they are carried out consistently. It’s a lifestyle…meaning, it’s carried with you through out your life.

I would encourage you as the New Year approaches to take away the panic to lose “X” amount of pounds or to be a certain size so you can work on the outer appearance.  Instead, focus on using exercise and healthy eating to build up your pride and peace within.  Focus on the amazing balance that comes from positive changes that affect the three elements: Your Mind, Body, and Soul.   Enjoy the ride and the pride that accompanies each positive step forward to a healthy and happy life.

Progress, not Perfection.

Happy New Year from my Heart to Yours,

Christine

Moment of Clarity

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My father underwent surgery for prostate cancer and is doing great!  He is an incredibly strong man, and a real fighter.  Even through his pain, he still comes out with his one liners that makes everyone in his presence burst out laughing. Thank you for your prayers and your notes of encouragement.  It is greatly appreciated and I was overwhelmed with the kindness and support you have shown to my family.

When I returned home last night from visiting Dad in the hospital, I had this incomplete feeling. Like I needed something to make me feel better. I went through some possible options in my head one of which was a bag of chips in the cupboard.  And then it hit me, I needed to work out.

At 9:00 p.m., I went downstairs to my make-shift gym and though I was physically spent, I pushed through a workout that was full of physical pain.  But with every running step I took on the treadmill I thought, “my father is in pain right now, so a little physical pain from running is no big deal, suck it up, push through it.”  I poured out all the frustration I was feeling in that moment into exercise.

It was one of those moments that I will always remember because even though it’s coming on 6 years since I changed my lifestyle, it was then that I truly knew I have actually changed my outlook on life.  And it struck me suddenly that part of moving forward is pushing through the pain. It’s quieting the negative self-doubt. It’s about saying “I can” when my head says “I can’t”.  It’s challenging the patterns of bad habits, and realizing that I have control over my actions.  I can either deal with stress in a negative way, or a positive way.  It’s all in my control.  My determination is in direct relation to my thoughts.

So often, we don’t truly challenge ourselves.  We accept the things we wish to change, and don’t take action.  Why?  What have we got to lose?  How can a person feel pride without challenging one’s self?

So, if you are ever faced with one of life’s trials and you doubt your strength, challenge those defeating thoughts.  Hold onto the good, the positive, the uplifting and just be strong because you ARE strong.  The strength of the human spirit knows no bounds.

Often I feel like maybe I should just keep all these thoughts inside, as they may come off as preachy.  I don’t have a right to tell anyone how to live their life. I have come to appreciate how different we all are, and I enjoy all kinds of personalities and outlooks on life!  Especially those that just have the tenacity to be exactly who they are and make no apologies for it.  But, I guess I feel the need to voice them as I have come from an entirely different lifestyle where I didn’t feel any of these positive things.  It’s hard to contain it, and I felt so alone and trapped years ago.  I wished I had someone to lift me up when I didn’t know how.

Anywhooooo, I just felt the need to tell you how strong, amazing, and powerful you are.  So often, we don’t even realize our true potential…huge, huge, potential.  🙂

I’m off to the hospital to visit my Dad.  I’m thankful for the time I’ve had with him, even if it’s to sit by his side as he sleeps.  Honestly though, he hasn’t done a lot of sleeping while he has company…he has too much to say and he’s mighty thankful that he has the opportunity to say it.

From my thankful heart,

Christine

Confessions of a Woman

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In the past I’ve blogged a couple of these posts called “Confessions of a Mom” part 1 and part 2. Today, I’ve been thinking about not just the role of Mom, but how easy it is to lose yourself in all of the roles we have. And I’m speaking of women today, because…well since I am one, that’s what I know :).  We have roles we play: that of wife, mom, daughter, friend, business owner, employee, …whatever hat you wear.

It makes me sad when we as women tear one another down, rather than lift one another up.  Why are we so hard on each other?  I am at fault for judging another woman when I know little about her.  It’s a trait I’m aware of that I’m going to throw out the door because it’s ugly and wrong.

If we as women could be truly authentic with one another, admit our weaknesses and faults, support one another and give time to lift one another up…wouldn’t that be amazing?  We would have to lose the masks though.  You know, that mask we all wear that when we need support, and don’t ask for it.  When we are struggling in an area of our lives, but we pretend it’s OK.   Of course in life, you certainly have to be careful of who you put your trust in, but even those relationships can be authentic…just bring the REAL into it.

I asked my Husband this question not long ago:  “How many people do you have in your life that you can be totally yourself around, that you aren’t aware of how you look when they come into a room (you could be in your PJ’s, sticky uppy hair, like you just got out of bed sort of look), that you can say whatever you want to them without fear of being judged or that your comment could be taken wrong, and that you are 100% authentic with?”

His Answer?  “Everyone”  and he means it!  That’s my favourite thing about him, he is exactly who he is around everyone he comes into contact with.  How refreshing is that?

My Answer to that question?:  I have less than 10 people in my life that I’m THAT comfortable around. I want to change that though.

Now, this could be because I’m a worrier.  People really don’t care as much as I think they do about what my house looks like, or that I may resemble someone who sleeps in a box without access to shower facilities at times.  And I believe a lot of it comes from the fact that we as women are hard on one another.

Have you ever been scanned by another woman’s eyes when you enter a room?  I have and I hate it!  Now, granted who knows what she’s thinking as she’s eye scanning, but it’s a form of judgement based on my outward appearance so I don’t enjoy it.

Anywhoooo, here’s where I’m going with this!  Just in case you think otherwise, I’m going to put this out there…

I am not put together.

I have many many faults.

My office is unorganized, I have so much to do for my business as far as paper work goes that I put on the back burner.  It will get it done eventually. I’m more of a deadline crisis worker.

I am self-conscious about my appearance when I meet new people..especially women.

I am a worrier.

I feel like a failure as a Mom a lot.  I know I’m a good Mom, but I still let my kids down in some area often.

I don’t tell my husband enough that I’m so grateful for how hard he works for our family.

I am selfish of my time. I like being alone. I do. If I can go for a walk by myself, I love it.

I can’t keep up with my laundry pile. A small village of people could hide under that mound some days.

I don’t show how much I love my family enough, and when I’m in a big room of people (which accompanies my large family get togethers), I try to hide. I hate large groups…the noise level gets to me.

I am insecure at times, and other times I’m quite confident. The timing is off when I’m in certain situations so I come off as bitchy.

I know that I’ve lost the weight, but my mind doesn’t always know that.  I still feel like the big girl at times.  I’m not sure how to explain this. It is what it is.

I feel overwhelmed some days with all the things that are squeezed into my day…work, kids, daily business, e-mails, I have nothing in the fridge for supper, extra-curricular activities, homework, the phone won’t stop ringing, there’s a solicitor at my door I want to flick on the forehead, etc. On those days, I want to run out of the house for a while just until that overwhelmed feeling goes away.

I exercise more for the benefits for my mind than for my body. The stress just melts away when I’m working out. The physical pain of an intense workout is real, and when I’m done, I feel on top of the world.

Now, the purpose of these confessions is not to be down on myself, but rather to put out there a few of my struggles right now.  I look at so many women who appear to have it all together and I think what’s wrong with me!  But, the blessing I have found in finding a support network of friends where we can be 100% authentic is that they have shown me that they too struggle as much as I do.

I admire so many of the women in my life, but I forget to tell them. What good does that knowledge do when it’s never said out loud to those women. I’m going to tell them! They inspire me, motivate me, make me want to be a better person…I owe it to them to let them know that.

So, my goal for the future is to be more authentic. To put out there exactly who I am. To steal a quote from Dr. Seuss:  “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Do you have a confession to share today?  Who knows, it may not only take a load off of your mind, but it may just show another woman that we are not all perfect, we all struggle, and we can support one another…even if it’s just to laugh about it over a cup of coffee.  🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine