Category: Weight Loss

For years I gave myself permission to give up. I resisted challenging myself. I fought against change. I scratched the surface of what I was truly capable of. I didn’t know what I was capable of because I never truly put in all of the effort I had to give.  I was cheating myself.  I recognize that now.

“Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all, because you’ll be forever in the control of things you can’t give up.” Andy Law – Creative Company

I have a memory that I will always hold on to. I was sitting in my car outside of my work, it was 8 years ago.  It’s a memory of a thought actually. I was desperate to lose the weight I had packed on in my teens and 20’s but I didn’t know how. I thought “If only I could pay someone to teach me how to lose it. A quick fix. I don’t know how to eat a healthy and well-balanced diet. I don’t know how to work out. I just don’t know…I’m stuck here.”

The memory of the feeling attached to being “stuck” is something that I will never forget and I channel that memory every time I want to give up today.

Every time my legs scream to stop running ~ I remember, and I keep going.

Every time I want to skip a workout ~ I remember and I lace up my shoes.

Every time I believe I can’t reach a goal ~ I remember and I forge on.

That “stuck” feeling was so overpowering, that it’s the reason I won’t go back there. When I first started changing my lifestyle, I did feel like I was giving something up.  It was a way of life that I was comfortable with in many ways, even though it was destructive. It took awhile for the end picture to become visible to me, but I felt the benefits of exercise and changing my diet early on.  It’s funny how your tastes change, and they do change.

The prescription for change in regards to my lifestyle has transferred into other areas of my life that have required change.  One has to be able to give up something that they perceive as valuable.  The best part is, often down the road you realize that it wasn’t all that valuable in the first place and with healthy change comes healthy replacements carrying equal value.

I have a honeysuckle vine growing up the side of our deck.  This year it looked dead.  It was a sad mass of twisted & woven brown vine. I was surprised when I saw signs of new green growth from the bottom.  The new fresh vine has now woven its way into the dead.   I could have cut back the dead vine before the new vine made its way to the top, but I left it.  It’s symbolic. Never underestimate the power of new, the will to fight, and the drive to persevere when you think you have nothing left.  It’s within all life. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

I’m editing a set of photos from the “Beauty from Within” project I shot before Christmas (click here if you wish to view the photos). It’s an amazing project where the girls are shown that the true measure of beauty comes from within.

As I was editing the photos, I realized that my frame of mind in regards to my own body image isn’t the greatest at the moment. Christmas was filled with amazing food!  I certainly had my fill and after days of over-indulgence I was down about it.  Guess what my friends, the amazing foods that accompany Christmas is a great part of life!

Balance.

I started back to my workout routine yesterday, but what I realized as I was trying to channel inner strength to finish a 5K run, is that my mind was clearing with ever laboured step I took.

I felt inner strength that had escaped me since my last workout. There it is…the power of a great workout, it just clears the mind!

During that workout, I had the clarity of mind to remember that with the New Year usually comes a panic to make resolutions and goals.  The trap that comes with New Year resolutions, is that they can be extreme and hard to maintain as part of a daily lifestyle.

With that said, this year I’m resolving to shift my focus to a state of mind brought to me by the amazing women and girls from the “Beauty From Within” project.

Beauty from Within.  It’s not about fitting into a pair of jeans, or worrying about bathing suit season as I have in the past.  For me, it’s about using exercise for clarity, inner pride, and peace of mind.  It’s about viewing food as fuel.  It’s about finding those things that bring pride and joy into my life.  A world of positive, I cans, and I wills. It’s about authentic relationships built on acceptance and support.

I also realized that little changes can produce big results if they are carried out consistently. It’s a lifestyle…meaning, it’s carried with you through out your life.

I would encourage you as the New Year approaches to take away the panic to lose “X” amount of pounds or to be a certain size so you can work on the outer appearance.  Instead, focus on using exercise and healthy eating to build up your pride and peace within.  Focus on the amazing balance that comes from positive changes that affect the three elements: Your Mind, Body, and Soul.   Enjoy the ride and the pride that accompanies each positive step forward to a healthy and happy life.

Progress, not Perfection.

Happy New Year from my Heart to Yours,

Christine

It’s been a pattern this year to learn a life lesson from a few people all at once.

This week I’ve had the pleasure of real honest conversations with a few friends, all of whom want to make a change. I realized that I may not be putting out there the reality of how things began for me. The place I was in when I started this journey.

It hasn’t been easy.  I didn’t make the change overnight, and I still have a long way to go.  Changes on the outside begin first on the inside.  There were days, and there still are days, that I wanted to give up and go back to the familiar lifestyle that I lived for years…because there was a part of that lifestyle that felt safe.

Back when I weighed 242 pounds, even though I was miserable in my own body, I also felt comfortable in other ways.  I was OK much of the time with living on the sidelines and feeling invisible.  I was always the big girl among my group of friends and it was a role that I was used to and had accepted in many ways.

The first major hurdle when I finally decided to make a change, was realizing that I COULD make changes.   I recently found my old journal that I started in 2003.  When I read through the pages of daily records of what I ate and what I did for exercise, I realized that even at the beginning I had resigned myself that I was always going to be overweight. I randomly chose a goal weight of 180 pounds as I had a memory of once weighing that in high-school.   But even beside that declaration of goal weight, I wrote “I’m very out of shape” and “I would love to be 165 pounds” but I didn’t believe that I would actually get there.  I only wrote 180 pounds because I had read in a book that I needed some sort of goal to work towards.  In my mind, I just wanted to weigh under 200 pounds.

I remember that I tried not to think of the end goal, and would just focus on the day at hand.  Focus on upping my daily steps, fitting in a workout every morning, figuring out how to eat healthy.  I had no idea what eating healthy was about.  No clue!  But I was determined to figure it out and poured over books, health magazines, and resources online.  I was so confused over everything I read.  There were so many different opinions out there.

I decided to use common sense.  I would eat foods that came from the earth as close to their natural state as possible.  As far as the meat protein was concerned, I had read that if it swims, runs, or flies it’s more lean and has less fat content.  Made sense to me!

I also had no idea how much food to eat.  I had spent so many years never being hungry, that I didn’t really understand what it was like to just eat the proper amount to fuel the body.

I remember sitting out on the deck at our acreage, and looking out at the wildlife around me.  How is it there are no overweight animals (unless they are raised by humans)?  Because it’s instinct to know how much to eat. We lived in a society of super-size portions and we have forgotten to listen to our bodies to tell us when we are full.  I read that it takes about 20 minutes to realize you are full when eating a meal.  I started eating my meals slowly and really paid attention to when I was full…not stuffed…but rather not hungry anymore.

Drinking enough water was another issue I had!  I had no idea that my body would confuse hunger for thirst.  So I started drinking 8 glasses of water a day and I just naturally ate less.

Exercising was not easy at the beginning. I felt big, clumsy, and was worried what people would think about seeing a big girl “trying” to work out.  I worked out in my basement at the beginning and chose to jog on country roads by our acreage as it was private.  I don’t think I went into a gym until I was under 200 pounds.  Looking back, it’s too bad that I didn’t feel I had a right to be in the gym with everyone else.  When I go to the gym now and see a person struggling through a workout I have so much respect for them.  It takes real courage to put yourself out there for others to see in an area that is difficult and unfamiliar.

One of the most important steps was to find a support system. To actually declare out loud that I was going to lose the weight by changing my lifestyle.  I didn’t want to say it out loud because I thought there was a good possibility that would fail.  I forced myself out of that comfort zone, and started sharing publicly my intentions.  It was the first time I admitted to others that I wasn’t OK with being the big girl, that I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, that I was sick of being scared to try new things.

But the truth was, I wanted to go swimming with my kids, to go to a gym and feel comfortable, to ride a bike, to walk up stairs without being winded, to walk into a clothing store and buy clothes off the rack, to feel confident when I walked into a room full of people, to wear shorts!!!!  I didn’t wear shorts for decades!

So every time I feel like I want to go back to the old way of life, I have to remind myself of where I came from, and of the sadness I carried inside that I rarely showed to others.

I exercise today not only for my body, but more for my mind.  I have NEVER felt such joy and pride within myself until I began exercising.  It just clears the mind of negativity.

So as much as I want to say that losing the weight was difficult, I also have to tell you that it was easy at the same time. It was easy because my zest and love for life was awoken and for the first time I challenged myself to never give up, to quiet the negative self-doubt, and to believe in myself.  The loss of the weight was just a tangible visual result of finding out who I was.

It doesn’t make life easier or less confusing at times but it’s a journey that continues on today. There is more life to be lived and I am lucky that I have my health and the knowledge that I am the one in control of how I chose to live it through good times and bad times.

I have this song on my iPod, and often listen to it when I run.  I’m not sure what it is about the song that is so meaningful for me, but it gives me shivers every time I hear it.  Maybe it’s because for much of my life I felt like I needed someone to “fix” me.  But I have  learned that although it’s important to lean on others for support and motivation, the responsibility to “fix” the areas of my life that require change ultimately comes from within.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

I was talking to a dear friend of mine the other day, and I was immediately struck that what I see within her and what she sees within herself are totally different.

This is how I view her.

A stunning and talented self-less mother who would do anything for her family.  She puts the needs of everyone else before her own.  Her vivacious personality is matched to her beauty. She has no idea how amazing she is.

I have had conversations over the past two weeks with a few women.  There was a universal theme for all of us.  We feel stuck in some area of our lives, and don’t know how to move out of it.

It happens so often to me. I’m in a stage of life, and rather than enjoying the stage I’m at now, I’m looking ahead to the next stage.  The problem with that is I don’t live in the moment and miss valuing the great events happening NOW.  It’s only after I’ve moved onto the  next stage that I realize I should have enjoyed the previous stage because now it’s passed me by.  Does that ever happen to you?

It’s tough sometimes to find the balance between moving forward and enjoying the moment. When you are constantly looking ahead and wondering how you are going to arrive at whatever destination you’ve deemed as the “end goal” it’s overwhelming.  It also brings with it a feeling of failure because we aren’t at the stage we want to be.

I realized this week, that sometimes moving forward means focussing on the now.  The stage of life I am in at this moment.  When I say that out loud, I feel freedom to just enjoy life rather than wish I was doing something more with it.  There are so many ways to enjoy the now.

Here I go again, pushing the exercise wagon…but seriously, it only takes a 1/2 hour of exercise to change my mindset.  Eating the right foods gives me energy.  You couple exercise and eating healthy and it’s a recipe for feeling value and pride in ones self.  As moms we often put ourselves last, but taking time for ourselves is essential and allows us to give more of ourselves to those we love.  Really, the most important thing in life is family.

Find the things that bring you the most joy to your heart…and run with it.  We only have the one life to live…we often forget that until we’ve lost someone we love. It’s completely in our control how we chose to live it.  Life is about choices and we know deep inside which choices are the best for ourselves and those we value most.  Pay attention to that inner voice, and enjoy the ride.

For the Bon Jovi fans out there… 🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine