Author: Christine

On Tummy Tucks

Published on by Christine22 Comments

Plastic Surgery…

All you have to do is say that phrase out loud and every one has an opinion.  You may be totally against it, you may be all for it, or you may be indifferent. Either way, the opinions are usually strong on this topic.

Since the topic of Tummy Tucks has come up many times in random conversations: here’s my take on it.  My opinion comes from personal experience and a LOT of thought.

Last year I posted THIS post.  You may think that what I’m about to share contradicts that post, but I assure you that in my heart-of-hearts…it does not.

The journey to lose just shy of 100 pounds was a long one. It took a lot of work, sweat, and retraining of my mind. I spent years trapped in a body that I thought I could do nothing to change because I simply didn’t know how to. I wasn’t overweight because I was lazy, as is often the stereotype of overweight people (I will save that for another post).

Back when I was my heaviest, I was positive that once I got to my goal weight, life would be full of butterflies,  peaches, lollipops, and perhaps rainbows would shoot out my  toned tush. Then I got there…and wouldn’t you know it, that wasn’t the case. I know, shocking right?! Ok, I was not only miserable at my heaviest, but  also delusional. 😉

The day came when I reached my goal weight.  I was faithfully doing cardio 6 days a week, and weights 3 days a week.  But guess what happened when I lost almost 100 pounds and had 3 kids as well? I was left with extra skin that no amount of exercise or weight training would erase. Especially in my abdomen region. Sit ups couldn’t change that. Believe me, I tried.

I just wanted to feel like myself again. I wanted to see the results of the work that I put in. Seven years ago I told myself that I would get a tummy tuck and after visiting a plastic surgeon 5 years ago and hearing the amount of recovery that was involved in getting a full tummy tuck, I decided it wasn’t for me.

And then I thought about it…

For 5 years…

And within those years, I did sit ups, cardio, kick-boxing, planks, mountain-climbers, the bicycle…anything and everything that targets the mid-section.

All for no change to my  lower tummy region.

Long story short, I went back for a consult once again last November and we discussed an alternative.  A mini-tummy tuck.  The surgery is less invasive and the recovery time is less, because the excess skin is removed from the bottom portion of the tummy only.

Three weeks ago today, I went for my mini tummy tuck.

I’m happy with my decision. It was the right choice for me.  I’m not going to lie, the first couple of weeks were more painful than I anticipated because the scar I now sport travels hip-to-hip. This week however, I feel fantastic. I even got in a slow 5K run yesterday. 🙂  This is not my “quick fix”. I now need to put the work in to see results.  This mini tuck removed skin, it didn’t build muscle.

I’m looking forward to actually seeing the results of the work I put in now that I’ve had my mini-tuck.

I know not everyone will understand nor will they agree with my decision, and that’s OK. If you don’t believe in plastic surgery, than just don’t get any. 😉  But please know that I understand this choice because I’ve walked these miles in my very own sneakers and I’m happy with the decision that I’ve spent 7 years thinking about.

And on the topic of “You share too much”, I’m OK with that too.  The reason I’m OK with it is because every time I’ve posted something that wasn’t comfortable to share, I receive e-mails and comments from others who understands and/or needs support as well. Positive out, positive in…it works.

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to message me: cjhop [at] telus [dot] net. I’m happy to share!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

From One Mom to Another, I Get You

Published on by Christine6 Comments

Today I had the dreaded task of taking my daughter in for her booster shots.  She has a major needle phobia (don’t we all to some degree), so I put off this task as long as I could.

As we were sitting in the waiting room a family of four joined us; a Mom, a Dad and their two gorgeous little boys who I would guess are 3 and 1.

My son, daughter, and I sat across from them. The baby boy was making flirty eyes at my kids, and smiling from ear to ear.  He was so full of happy, in fact, he was 100% happy.  . I immediately wanted to photograph him. 😉  My first thought was “This family is so blessed.”

As my family smiled and made scrunchy weird faces back at this adorable chunky-monkey baby boy, I noticed how Mom was completely wrapped up in stress. She didn’t notice her surroundings, she had checked out. She ignored her partner who commented under his breath that she had put their son’s shirt on backwards. She grunted back at him while playing with her iPhone. Their older son ran circles around them, 100% full of energy and she ignored each question he asked her. Between smiles directed at us, her chubby-cheeked baby smiled up at her while tightly grasping her hand. Both of their boys were well-behaved and full of life yet with each passing moment, the stress she clearly wore on her face and within her body language grew. She continued playing with her phone while letting out long breaths full of annoyance while balancing her happy baby on her knee.  The health care nurse called out their son’s name and pronounced it wrong. The Mom looked to Dad and with anger in her voice, she corrected the pronunciation of his name, and barked at her son to come along as they followed the nurse.

Now I know what you *may* be thinking… Did I judge her for checking out when she was surrounded by what I perceived as an amazing life?

Hell No.

In fact, this is what I was thinking and if she wouldn’t have thought I was a complete nut bar I would have said it to her…

Dear Beautiful Mom:

I understand you.

I was you and I am you.

Your kids are young, and their needs overwhelm you.

You are trying to etch out moments for yourself in the midst of chaos which you are never fully prepared for with your first, and it continues to take you by surprise with the next.

You definitely have moments when the reality of your beautiful life bites you straight in your heart, but there are also many moments of stressful everyday life when you..

just.

check.

out.

It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t do anything and everything for your kids.

You are simply over loaded with the demands of keeping a busy family together…so they are fed, well-behaved, clothed, loved, entertained, adjusted, and happy.

You are strong and the pressure to be that “perfect” mom weighs on your shoulders when you simply want to take a shower in peace and quiet.  Or maybe even a bath.

You feel guilty at night after the kids are safely tucked away in the warmth of their beds, and you will remind yourself of all the things you’ve done wrong as a Mom.

You will promise yourself that tomorrow you will do better.

If it would make a difference to your life and lighten the load on your mind today, I would tell you that these kids will grow up too fast and you will forget how much they weighed at this very checkup you are at today. In the not-so-distant future you will close your eyes to try to conjure up a vivid memory of the very chubby baby smile that he is so freely giving away to my family now.

But I can’t tell you that now, because you won’t understand it until you go through it. Just as I too check out and will try so hard to remember this very stage that MY kids are in now.  The way my daughter mispronounces words and gets her B’s and D’s mixed up when she’s reading. The way my middle son runs around the house in nothing but his tighty whities and a smile on Sunday mornings and plays with his lego on the stairs. The way my oldest son sits at the kitchen table just as I’m ready for bed and eats almost an entire box of cereal while talking to me between huge mouth fulls.

I do know this. The memories that I hold dearest to my heart and the ones that are the most vivid of my childhood with my Mom are good ones. I cherish all the good.  I now know that aside from being my Mom she was also a woman with needs of her own, although with 6 girls there was little time for those needs.  The years I remember her going to work at the business she developed from the ground up taught me to be independent. My Mom validated my dream of starting my business. She showed me by example that I could do it. All the responsibilities she dealt down to me and my sisters enabled us to be hard-working and responsible. For that, I am thankful.

Yes, I am thankful for the very things I’m sure my Mom harbours guilt over. I found value within her struggle and now as I try my very best to raise my own family…I realize that she simply did her best as a Mom to 6.

My mom and her 6 girls

So yes, there are days when us Moms check out and lose sight of how truly blessed we are even when the world around us stares in awe of our little miracles.   But there are also days when we understand more than anyone what it is to love someone so much that we would do anything for them and we do exactly that.  We love, cherish, give, support, uplift, teach, learn, grow as they grow, and devote our lives to these little miracles.

To the Mom I saw today, there are no judgments here. I get you and I thank you for the reminder today because I too had checked out at that moment.

The role of Mom is hard enough, lets give one another the gift of understanding and support.  Heres to you Moms.

You are simply amazing.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Back to the School Yard

Published on by Christine17 Comments

Kids can be cruel.

Over the years, each one of my 3 kids have come home with hurt feelings from some sort of school yard incident.  My daughter is the youngest, and I find cruel words are more prevalent among girls.  I tell her it will all be OK, just continue to be who she is, and don’t worry about what others think of her.  She’s perfect as is.

I realize this is easier said then done.  I work from home, so it’s not very often I actually dress professionally when I’m editing photos alone in the comfort of my office (think yoga pants and baggy well-worn t-shirts I refuse to give up).  Today I managed to get up early and I actually did my hair, makeup, and dressed like I was going to work where *gasp* I would see other people.   Three O’Clock snuck up on me, and I quickly put on my favourite pair of brown heeled boots and ran out the door to pick up my kids from school.

You see, I love these brown boots. I feel confident when I walk in them, but since I’m usually at home I don’t wear them often.

I felt good getting ready for the day, so I suppose I did walk to school with a bit more zest in my step.  As I waited at the doors of my daughter’s school for the bell to ring, I noticed two Mom’s talking quietly beside me.  They looked over at me, and then continued whispering. I felt like they were talking about me, but told myself that was ridiculous, what could they possibly have to say as I was just standing there minding my business.

As they walked by me, the one Mom said to the other Mom loud enough so I could hear them “I didn’t know it was wear-your-stripper-boots-to-school day”. The other Mom looked down at my boots and giggled as they walked away.

I just stood there stunned with my mouth open, staring at my much-loved boots. “These aren’t stripper boots” I mouthed.  And then I felt stupid… just. for. one. second. The anger quickly set in, and in that moment of anger I wished I had something witty to say back.

It wasn’t until I got home that the patronizing words I tell my daughter rang in my mind…”Just be yourself, don’t worry what anyone else thinks about you.” The thoughts I had a few moments before in the “school yard” also replayed in my mind and I pictured myself saying to my daughter “Be confident, but not too confident or other women will think you are stuck up. Be happy, but not too happy or other women will think you are annoying. Be kind, but not too kind or other women will question your motives. Be proud, but not too proud or other women will think you are vain. Work hard to be successful, but not too successful or other women will be threatened by you.”

Bull Shit.

To all you women out there, I learned something today and it’s also raised more questions in my mind. Perhaps you can share some of your wise insights with me. Please feel free to comment on this topic!

Why can’t women support other women? Forgive me for generalizing because this certainly isn’t the case for the women I am so thankful to have as friends. I’ve met some incredibly supportive women. I’m just questioning the times in our lives when we are cut down by other women.  Those times when catty comments filled with judgments and misunderstanding are delivered when one just needs support, kindness, and understanding.

There’s many distorted messages in the media that influence women in a negative way regarding how we should look, how we should dress, what our role  in society should be…and yet, rather than women supporting and uplifting other women, there are times like the one I just experienced that places us right back into the school yard full of insecurities.

So this is what I learned today:

Do not make assumptions about another person based on their outside appearance. We are all just people. All deserving of respect and kindness. If a judgment pops up in my mind about another person I’m going to take some time to evaluate WHY I feel that way…because it’s more about my own insecurities. It truly isn’t about them.

Kindness is important.

Positivity is important.

It’s OK to walk with your head held high. There was a time not so long ago when I walked with my head down. I refuse to go back there.

I will continue to support, uplift, encourage and genuinely appreciate the women I meet in life. It DOES make a difference.

Positive out, Positive in. You receive exactly what you give. I’ve never been so sure of this fact in all of my life than I am now.

I will accept and love those who I do not understand.

I will not hide my strengths because of another’s weaknesses.  There is nothing wrong with loving who you are. I was trapped in self-loathing for much of my adult life. It’s not a fun place to be.

There is nothing better than watching a friend succeed. Successful, independent, confident women motivate and inspire me. Thank you to each wildly imaginative, accepting, successful, caring and kind woman whom I have had the pleasure to meet. You make me a better person.

Tomorrow I will walk with my head held high back to school, and I may even try to find higher heels to walk in.  Who am I kidding, I would twist an ankle. My doctor once prescribed me high-tops for my weak ankles. Sadly, this is a true story. But a smile will still be on my face. 🙂

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Update on Dad

Published on by Christine34 Comments

Many of you have followed my Dad’s progress as he fights prostate cancer.   Posts about his battle can be found HERE and HERE.

Last week my Dad called to update me on his latest appointment at the Cross Cancer. This was his first checkup since his extensive round of Radiation.

The results show he still has cancer. His levels are a bit higher than when he started Radiation treatment.

He can’t go for anymore Radiation, and he’s already had the surgery. They are going to monitor his levels, and will discuss further options such as hormone treatment.

Dad gave me permission to post this, as he would love some prayers.

My Dad with a few of his Granddaughters, Christmas 2011

I will leave you with my Dad’s words after he shared his break-our-hearts news:

It certainly wasn’t the news I was hoping for. I had a pity party on the drive home until I stopped in Vegreville and saw an elderly couple that needed help loading their groceries. I felt much better after I helped them.

My Dad has always reminded me of Johnny Cash…the man in black with a heart of gold. I love you Dad.

We truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

From my Dad’s heart-of-gold to yours,

Christine

Throwing out the F-Word: Fat

Published on by Christine12 Comments

Now that Christmas and New Years is behind me, I walked into my bathroom with the clear intention to step on the scale. I pulled that devil scale out its lair with dread, and tentatively stared at it for a bit telling myself that it really didn’t matter what number I saw, it was time to get back to work.

I stepped on it, and looked away. Well this is stupid, I have to see the number. And there it was, a number I hadn’t seen in years since I’ve reached my goal weight…160 pounds. I felt a little panicky, how did I manage to gain 10 pounds in just one Christmas season?

I walked downstairs to make a coffee, inwardly fighting the positive with the negative. I have a goal now, no big deal…but, I can’t fit my jeans! I need to get to work NOW. My daughter’s little voice interrupted my inward banter. She sat at the counter colouring a picture of a Disney princess and without missing a beat of colouring she asked. “What’s wrong Mom?” I replied flippantly  “I can’t fit my jeans, I ate too much chocolate over Christmas!”

Now, I’m going to share the next part of the story with hesitation, because I feel a lot of guilt over it. It’s that crippling Mom guilt and it’s replayed over and over in my mind ever since.

My sweet little girl looked up at me and with sadness in her eyes she said “When I was in Kindergarten, A girl told me I was fat. Do you exercise so you won’t get fat?”  I just stood there stunned. I didn’t realize that my own thoughts about my body image would be transferred to my daughter in that moment and that she equated exercising with the need to not be “fat”.

And that began our conversation about foods that give you energy and vitamins, staying active to be healthy and to have energy, and that she is most definitely perfect just as she is.  I told her that I too was told I was “fat” in school, and she giggled at me and said “but you’re not fat, you are thin!” Those words broke my heart, because if I can’t accept my body, how am I going to expect my daughter to accept hers?! We are going to throw out the word “fat” within our household, it’s officially the F-Word.

I share this story with you today, because I know that like me, there are many Moms out there who struggle with raising their children to have a healthy self-esteem.  I believe it’s THE hardest part of the Mom gig…both in raising sons and daughters. With healthy self-esteem, comes self-respect and healthy decisions. A strong self-esteem will aid in preventing my kids from making decisions where they put themselves at risk…because they will value themselves far too much to be dragged down. In some ways I’m thankful I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem growing up, because it’s now a huge priority in how I raise my children. I believe I understand those issues a little better given my past. But there is no way, I will accept that for my own children.

I need to find a healthy balance, because I also want to raise my children to take care of their bodies. To be active (which in their world means playing and running outside),  and to eat healthy foods. To equate all of that with taking care of their bodies, rather than relating it to aesthetics.

So these are my thoughts today, and I don’t have all the answers, but I am analyzing what I’ve done wrong, and the things I’ve done right. I am holding myself accountable, because like it or not, my kids are watching me. They are learning from me.

Active fun is on the menu for Winter. 🙂

To all you Moms out there: If we want to raise healthy, balanced children with self-respect…we better work on that within ourselves.  If you are reading this post riddled with Mom guilt, and you have insights on this topic (or if you share in my struggle), I would love to hear from you! Drop me a comment.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

One Year Later

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One year ago, I published this post: https://reclaiminglife.wordpress.com/2011/01/02/the-most-real-post-ive-ever-published/

What I didn’t know then, was that that post would be the wake up call I needed for change and authenticity to start a new year. I started 2011 with a weight on my shoulders that I immediately felt melt away after I dropped the mask I was wearing for much of the previous year. I felt free to be myself, there is no greater feeling than to just let it all go.

And now one year later, I look back on the past year with a smile and a grateful heart. Our family went through a lot in 2011, but we grew closer because of it. My love and respect for my Dad grew like I didn’t know possible.

With a new year, there is always that feeling of starting fresh. I want to take a moment before moving on to 2012 to revisit some of the things I learned in 2011.

~We are all struggling with some area in our lives to some degree…whether it’s personal or it’s professional…some just hide it a little better. Life has it’s share of failure and defeat. The important part is learning from it, and picking yourself up a little smarter and a little stronger.

~It makes a difference if you start your day off with gratitude.

~An act of kindness towards a stranger, a friend, or a family member can change the course of their day…and as an added bonus it will change the course of your day as well.

~There is beauty in the break down.

~Laughter cures a lot! So do exactly what it is that brings the laughter out. Laugh everyday. Every single day.

~Tell the people you love that you love them. Don’t wait. Tell them now and often.

~Be honest with your friendships, and cherish them. They are valuable. If you find there is a toxic friendship in your life, it’s OK to take a step back. Friendships aren’t supposed to be filled with guilt. If you are kind, loyal, and accepting…you deserve the same respect in return. Not every friendship has to be a close friendship, there are all levels of friendships in life, and they are all important to find balance.

~Enjoy the simple joys in life. A great meal out with someone you love, a phone call with a friend you miss, an afternoon with family, a night playing cards, an afternoon tobogganing with kids.  You will smile more. You will laugh more. Life is meant to be fun. If it’s not fun, make some fun.

Note: now that you’ve seen some cute kid’s tobogganing, may I draw your attention to how adults look when they toboggan….

Where was I…

~If you work from home, get ready in the morning just as if you were heading into work away from home. You will feel better. I spent one year working from home in my PJ’s. I think you could hear the dishevelled in my voice had you called me.

~Eat healthy, drink lots of water, go for a walk/a run/a bike ride. It’s unbelievable how much that improves your health and your over-all well-being. Your body was designed to work that way! Be good to yourself.

~If you hear a song you love and you feel like dancing. Then dance. It’s fun.

~Be exactly who you are, because you will attract like-minded friends. Life is just better when you surround yourself with a whole lot of love (and it’s lots of fun too).

~If you don’t like something about your life, guess what…you can change it. Or you can at least change how you react to the negative circumstances surrounding your life. A cup half-full is half-full.

~Balance is key: in all you do, strive for balance.

~You can’t change anyone else…you can only change yourself, continuing to evolve and grow as life does. Work on you. Don’t worry about anyone else.

“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

~Life is FILLED with people who can teach you something. Listen. Resist the urge to talk…simply listen and your life will change as those lessons (they are gifts) from others sink in.

~We all have different belief systems. Respect other’s beliefs and values. They are as sacred to them as yours are to you.

~It’s rude to text when someone is talking to you. It just is. I’ve been guilty of this! I’ve realized when I’m on the other end of it that it’s just not polite, it sends a message that you are not important enough to look in the eye.  Drop the phone, make eye contact and engage in conversation. 🙂

~The things you fear most in life are the very challenges you should face. I’m not outgoing, and I have to force myself to meet new people and forget the fact I’m socially awkward. If I wouldn’t have taken the steps to meet new people, or if they wouldn’t have taken the steps…I would have missed out on some incredible friendships and experiences.  (Hope: I’m so glad that I forced myself to go to your workshops…the hours leading up to the workshop, my stomach was in knots because I didn’t believe in myself as a photographer…even though I was going to learn. I was so close to not going because of my own insecurities. And look what I would have missed out on!)

~Give your best to your guests.

~Say thank you.

That’s about all I can think of! I know I rambled! Thank you for reading my thoughts, and I am so thankful for each and every person that visits my blog and takes the time to comment.  May 2012 be filled with a ridiculous amount of love and laughter within your life!

From my heart to yours,

I welcome 2012 with open arms and a thankful heart

Christine

Continuing to Walk

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You know God has a way of bringing people and situations into my life exactly when I need it most. This has been a truth through out my life, and I’m thankful for that!  I’ve learned I just need to open my eyes, force myself out of my comfort zone, and listen…because these teachers of life are all around me.

It’s been awhile since I was back at the gym.  In fact, I haven’t been back since November 16th.  The reason I know the date is because on my last visit, I met a man who was learning to walk again and I wrote about the experience here: https://reclaiminglife.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/learning-to-walk-again/

I had just finished my run this morning…my first 5K in a month. I felt amazing after and proud that I forced my butt back to the gym even though I’ve had a discouraging few weeks. And then I saw him, that strong man who encouraged me on my last gym visit, making his way to the weight station.  I was so excited to see him, that I ran over and started talking without realizing that perhaps I didn’t make a memorable impression on him, as he had on me. Ha!  But he remembered me!

This Christmas season when life is hectic and at times stressful, I want to share with you the lesson he has taught me even further.  What I didn’t know in our last conversation was how he lost his leg. He shared with me his story of survival. He was hit by a semi truck while driving his motorbike on a busy highway.  After he was struck, he was drug by the tire of the semi and the semi driver didn’t even know he hit him until his bike rolled out of control ahead of the semi.

His injuries are not just confined to his leg: He broke his pelvis, and both of his arms were severely injured, particularly his left arm which has extensive muscle damage leaving him unable to lift it without assistance. He also sustained injuries to his face and mouth as the handlebars of his bike struck him in the face. He told me he didn’t realize he lost his leg until he looked down.

The insurance covered very little of the bills he needs to pay as a result of his accident and the doctors have told him that he is “too old” to fix the muscle damage in his arm…even though he isn’t 60 yet and has so much more life to live!

But through all of this story he ended it with: “I’m happy to be here, I have my full prosthetic leg now, and next summer I hope to get back on my bike. I have my wife, and my life. There isn’t much to complain about if I have that.”  Through out the time he told me his story, a smile never left his face and a light sparkled in his eyes.

He asked me to keep him in my prayers.  Can I ask you a favour?  If you pray, can you also please keep him in your prayers as well?

Enjoy the sweet joy of life this holidays season, and through out the New Year.   I’m thankful for this reminder once again that sometimes just when I feel discouraged, I only need to count my blessings. Life is good especially when you realize just how good it truly is!

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Lifting the Veil

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Through times of trial and darkness in life, there is much relief when I finally get through it and find the light. My perspectives change, my view on life changes and I’m filled with gratitude. Through that window of time when I realize that I’m blessed with renewed eyes, I’m filled with appreciation.

And then…

Routine happens.

Back to normal happens.

Half-hearted living happens.

…and that renewed sense of appreciation and gratitude fades away, until the next period of darkness envelopes life, and I wish for the light to come again, because I know that surely this time I won’t take the light for granted. And so it goes, the wheel of dark and light rolls on through life’s good and hard times.  Monotony and Gratitude switching out like the changing of the tides.

I had a moment of true gratitude this morning as I was walking my kids to school.  My daughter’s infectious giggle cut through the cold morning air as we talked and carefully made our way down the icy sidewalk, her tiny fingers intertwined with mine. My son ran a few steps ahead to assert his independence. Walking to school is routine for us, shown by the packed down and worn snowy path. It’s become so routine, that I’ve failed to notice moments of amazing that fire all around like tiny beauty synapses in time. And then it hit me. These are My kids, the kids I dreamed about having one day.  How often have I zoned out during their questions, and dismissed their stories as I was lost in the thought of all the things I need to accomplish in the day?

And the veil of monotony fell away, and I viewed our routine walk with fresh eyes filled with gratitude and appreciation. Peace washed over me and I gripped my daughter’s hand a little tighter and whispered in her ear “Tell me more”. What have I missed out on everyday when I was blinded by routine?

Miracles are all around us my friends, but sometimes they come to us through ordinary life. They happen so seamlessly and delicately that we are unaware of their presence and fail to see them. But miracles live here…if we would only lift the veil and open our eyes.

You see, kids see miracles all the time. They are fascinated with the art of living life with all of their heart and soul. They pour their positive energy into the miracle of life. And they laugh often. The type of laughter that starts at the bottom of their soul and pours out like rays of sunshine that know no boundaries.

I pray that the veil stays lifted, and I see life as it is meant to be seen. And lived. With whole-hearted gratitude and happiness. So today, I will not look around my house and see all the things I need to do, or change but rather I will appreciate this warm home that is filled with love and laughter.

My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants.  ~J. Brotherton

That little moment of gratitude grew and built up strength…seeping into other thoughts: I will look in the mirror and accept my body…flaws and all, rather than wishing I could change it. I will be thankful for the friendships that I am blessed with. I will give more than I take. I will show kindness to strangers. I will accept those that I do not understand.

…and I will feel the appreciation for my children, to the very depths of my heart; just as I did on the day they were born when I finally held them in my arms after months of dreaming for that moment to come.

I hope your day is full of miracles as well.

From my thankful heart to yours,

Christine

Learning to Walk Again

Published on by Christine8 Comments

Yesterday I drug myself (inwardly kicking and screaming) to the gym for a run around the running track.  It was more for my mood than anything. The snow and cold settles in, and I fight the winter blues.

The first kilometre was a battle inwardly to get my bad attitude in check. Suck it up princess. By the second KM I found my pace, and the stress started to melt away. It was on the third KM when I noticed a man walking ahead of me in an unsteady but fiercely determined sort of way.  Directly in front of him, a woman walked backwards in support holding two canes, should he need them. His expression was full of grit and will with each step he took. Every time I passed him, my respect and awe for his fierce spirit grew.

By the fourth KM, the pain of an old running injury gripped my knee. I pushed on to finish the 5K, but I was discouraged. It took months previously for this injury to heal enough to run consistently and I wasn’t excited to go home and ice my knee.  Running is really the only cardio I enjoy. The thought of having to use an elliptical or a spin bike fills me with dread. It’s a little over dramatic, yes, but running is like therapy I swear. The time just flies by.

After I finished my run, I stood to the side of the running track catching my breath and wiping the sweat off my forehead. I noticed the man whom I had yet to speak to, but already respected, sitting on the bench with the supportive woman. He had kind eyes and a contagious smile.

He asked me how to read the chart behind him which detailed each lane’s distance, so he could figure out how far he had walked. It was only then as we were talking that I noticed he had a prosthetic leg.  He explained to me that he was taking his new leg out for a spin, as he hadn’t had it for very long.  With enough enthusiasm to light up a room, he told me he was enjoying the freedom of being able to walk again now that he is no longer confined to a wheel chair.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was running with annoyance worrying about a silly knee injury when at the very same time, this amazing man walked the same track filled with gratitude for the gift of being able to walk again.  I felt small, petty and ridiculous.

He interrupted my thoughts with a story about a girl he met as he was going through rehabilitation. She was my age and she had also lost a limb. She was filled with rage and anger over her loss, and her enraged attitude, however valid it was, negatively affected her rehabilitation. She was so focussed on her anger and the one thing that she absolutely could not change, that she lost all focus on her recovery.  He told me how bad he felt for her that she couldn’t embrace her new reality.

We talked a little more about life, and we said our good-byes. I made my way downstairs to do some weights, and I assumed he was done his exercise for the day. I can’t imagine how much energy would be required to learn to walk again. But out of the corner of my eye, there he was doing weights to build up his strength. Every station he went to, the supportive woman followed and they talked and laughed as he worked.

As I left the gym, he was still doing weights. I sat in my car in the parking lot and took a moment to soak in the lesson he had just taught me. We are blessed my friends. Every time I think there’s no time to stay active and take care of my body, I will remember him and his fierce determination. He considered the ability to walk as a gift and it just shouldn’t be taken for granted.

I hope I see you again strong, determined, full-of-the-zest-for-life man with the contagious smile. I was so wrapped up in your amazing story that I forgot to ask your name. Thank you for sharing. I will never forget you.

From my heart to yours,

Christine

Thinking for 30:55

Published on by Christine4 Comments

Sometimes I lose the motivation to continue, to push myself, to regain control.  And then I realize, all I have to do is lace up my runners and get active, and just like that the motivation comes back. The hardest action to do in this scenario is the lacing up of my running shoes. 😉

I did just that today, I went to the gym for a run…even though I didn’t want to. Running is a time that is just for me. It’s a release to clear my head and to think. During my run today, I thought through a lot!

“If you hear a voice within you say I can’t run, then by all means run, and that voice will be silenced.”
(I googled the source of this quote, and it appears this is a take on a quote by Vincent Van Gogh)

I started my run replaying the above quote over and over in my mind. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through running, it’s that my mind is my biggest hurdle to reaching my goals. If you believe with all of your being that you can reach a goal, you will work through the pain to reach it.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” Lance Armstrong

If it wasn’t for replaying Lance Armstrong’s quote in my mind while I ran, I may have given up on my goal to finish 5K under 31 minutes. By the 4K mark I realized that I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t pick up the pace…and it hurt. There was a span of 30 seconds where I just kept thinking “This hurts”, and then I realized I needed to replace it with “So what?! It will only hurt for a bit. Suck it up, what’s a little pain?!” I knew the pain of disappointment would have been far greater, so I picked up the pace and finished with a time of 30:55. For me, that’s a good time. It’s not about how fast others can run, it’s about reaching MY best and then improving upon it.

You can’t compare yourself to another, we are all different. For today, simply do your best, and then tomorrow go a little further, go a little longer. There are no limits to your success…now that’s exciting!

Part two in the quest for motivation comes in setting purposeful goals. Another thing I’ve learned is that for me, it’s harmful to set a goal of losing a certain amount of weight or fitting into a certain size (even at the begging of this journey).  It’s a focus on the external, and that’s not what I’m after.  I want to be stronger/build endurance and to obtain that goal, I need to put the work in. The most FANTASTIC part about that goal is that I see results with every workout, which means I feel successful every single time I put in the extra effort.

Beauty, confidence, and strength comes in every shape and size. As women, we are surrounded by outside influences. Magazine ads, TV commercials, the latest lose-weight-quick program…all in the quest to be a certain size, and to fit into a certain mould. It’s not realistic, nor is it at all original.

What’s interesting about everyone looking the same? Different is beautiful. It’s easy to give up on a goal when you are striving for something that just isn’t attainable because it’s not sustainable for YOU. Because guess what, when you get there, you have to keep it up to stay there. For me that’s just not realistic. I will never be a size 2-4, nor do I want to be. That’s just not realistic for me. God gave me curves, and I’m going to embrace them thank you very much. I’ve been a size 22, a size 8, and all the sizes in between.  I’ve settled where I’m at based on the work I put in and the food choices I make. I’ve found great freedom in the control within that equation.

Thank you for reading through all the thoughts that were swirling around in my head for 30:55. 🙂  I hope your day was ridiculously amazing!

Oh and for those of you who know I have the tendency to get lost in thought and attempt to get into the wrong vehicle in a parking lot…I did it again today. In my defence, this time it was the same make of vehicle and not the blue minivan I tried to get into last time I was lost in thought. Lucky for me, there wasn’t a family in the car (as there was in the blue minivan….oopsie daisey)

I will leave you with a favourite running song (the kind of song that makes you run faster when you want to quit):

From my heart to yours,

Christine