Today’s day is flat-out. There’s so much on my to-do list. Laundry, cleaning, burning CDs, editing, uploading, organizing, emailing, scheduling photo sessions around many schedules, shopping for my son’s grade 9 farewell, kid’s homework to help with, a sink of dirty dishes to sort out, company coming for supper, and the most frustrating confusing task of matching up the odd socks. What happens to the other sock? Where does it go? I don’t understand.
Just yesterday I felt fabulous. I was woman, hear me roar. I even curled my hair for no other reason than to let it bounce in the wind when I went for a run. What a difference a day makes.
On a side note about the busy side of this picture: let’s look at it so you can understand just how frazzled I truly am. The rose glasses? Part of a Halloween costume that I didn’t put away. Yes I realize it’s now May. That Tiara? Well, I just like wearing tiaras sometimes. It makes me feel fancy when I work. Those socks have no pair, and there’s a huge basket with more. And Brandy, that disk is yours.
Anywhoooooo, as I was running in circles within my mind like a deranged chick, I had one of these lovely revelations that I’ve been blessed to see lately.
You see, not long ago I visited my Grandmother in the lodge. It was just before supper time and as I walked Grandma to her seat at her table I noticed a lady sitting on a chair staring out the front doors. She didn’t move to join the others for supper and she wore an expression of longing. As I was leaving, I said hello to her and asked her if everything was OK. She quietly replied that she was waiting for her family. As I made my way to my car, I realized that many of the residents at the lodge spend a lot of time waiting. Their once overwhelmingly busy lives are now full of normality and routine. I felt guilty for walking away to the car I can drive back to my busy family.
I felt guilty because I take it for granted. Yes, I take busy for granted. All these tasks I have to do in my day is because I have a purpose to some very special people. The purpose of being a Mom, a wife, a friend, a photographer of love. I am needed. I am blessed. I am an important element to the thread that holds this busy family together.
In the midst of my crazy day, I just wanted to take a quick moment to share that thought with you. To all you overwhelmed Moms who master the art of being busy, we are lucky and we are privileged.
I encourage you to enjoy your busy today, because I was reminded that one day life won’t be so busy. I sure will miss all the crazy….like crazy.
As of tomorrow, I’ve lived 7 years at my goal weight. I can’t begin to explain to you how thankful I am for that fact. Each year when I hit my anniversary, I am even more grateful.
I am grateful because I owe a huge dept of gratitude to the encouragers.
The cheer-ers on. The uplifters. The positivity gushers. The glass-is-half-full thinkers.
Of all the qualities I admire most in others, I believe the gift of Encouragement is the most important. It truly is a gift.
We have no idea what others are going through in their life. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during the past 7 years it’s that people wear masks and hide the fact they could use a little support and encouragement. Moms live through a super-mom era, where we are expected to do it all with a smile. Us Moms are our own worst contributors to it.
The gift of encouragement is small, but it means the world to those that need it most…which is all of us isn’t it? Who couldn’t use an uplifting comment?
Through my life experience, here’s what I’ve observed: women attack women on various parenting and life issues. This way is right, and this way is wrong: You should breast feed. You should home-school, or you shouldn’t home-school. You should put your boys in hockey, and your girls in dance. You should dress them in brand name clothing, or you shouldn’t dress them in brand name clothing. You shouldn’t buy them an X-box. You should bring a variety of organic snacks to play group. You should never vacation without the children, or you should vacation without the children. You shouldn’t get a divorce, or you should get married. You shouldn’t have kids out-of-wedlock. You shouldn’t have a glass of wine at night. You shouldn’t write about (insert another’s values here) in your blog. You shouldn’t have plastic surgery. You’re too fat. You’re too thin. You’re too sensitive. You’re too confident. You’re too shy.
On and on it goes…the destructive trail of Should’s and Shouldn’ts that deflate a woman’s confidence. If you really think about it, Shoulds or Shouldn’ts carry a lot of arrogance and ignorance. We are all wonderfully unique with a vastly different view-point on how life “should” be lived. So let’s just live it, the only way that is right for each one of us! Let’s be remembered for the gift of encouragement rather than the harmful and critical words with even the best intentions…because words live on within the memory.
I was reflecting over what I’ve learned since my last goal-weight anniversary, and if I could sum it up in one statement it’s this….
My point is this, here’s my resolve for going forward to the next goal-weight anniversary: I’m going to do my very best to hand out as much encouragement as I can to those I know and to those I don’t. I’m going to uplift and recognize all the amazing qualities that I sincerely appreciate in others. I’m not going to focus on the areas in other’s lives that differ from my own, because who am I to say my way is the “right” way. I’m just going to appreciate all the good in others. Positive out, positive in. Kindness breads kindness. A smile is infectious. A giving heart is beautiful.
For all those I love in life, thank you for all your goodness, positivity, kindness, joy, generosity, and support. Thank you for picking me up when I am down and encouraging me to push on. Even though I have encountered many should’s and shouldn’ts in life, the only thing that I will give any power to within my memory are the gifts of encouragement….I plan to return that gift because I am acutely aware of how different my life could have been without that support. 🙂
So if all you manage to achieve today is a little positivity gushing to another, I’d say that’s a day well spent.
From my encouraging heart to yours,
Christine
P.S. You are awesome. And beautiful. And amazing. And loved.
Fifteen years ago, on a beautiful October day crisp with the brilliant orange and yellows of fall, I secured my newborn beautiful son into his car seat ready to leave the hospital. I remember thinking “Are you actually going to let me leave with this new soul without asking if I’m at all capable of taking care of him?”
The golden morning light filtered through the window surrounding both of us, and I sat on the edge of the hospital bed and cried.
My favourite nurse walked into the room.
I was embarrassed and quickly wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my sweater.
Surely this was supposed to be the most exciting morning of my life! I was about to take this perfect baby home and shower him with love. I dreamed of this day since I was a little girl.
But I was scared beyond belief. I was responsible for his happiness and security, and I felt completely unprepared.
The nurse walked over to me and tenderly placed her hand on my shoulder. In a calm and reassuring tone she said “You will do just fine. Don’t worry. When you have your first child, no one ever tells you that you may not feel how you think you should. Just go home and love him.”
And then she prayed for me while I bawled like a baby.
I will never forget her kindness. It was probably something she did often for new Moms she cared for, but to me it was the most unbelievable gift of encouragement during the time when I needed it most.
To all you Moms out there, whether you are new to the role or seasoned veterans…
You are amazing.
There is no right way, just your own way.
For every unsolicited bit of advice you will receive about how to “properly” care for your child, simply listen to your own voice that instinctual knows what is best for your child.
Your children will flourish in your love. They will remember it.
When you rest your tired eyes at the end of a busy day and think about all the things you could have done better, remember that the memories your children will treasure most when they grow up are the happy ones.
They won’t remember that you burned the cookies, they will remember that you took the time to bake them cookies.
They won’t remember that you were a little late for their school play, they will remember that you sat on the edge of your seat with pride-filled eyes waving back at them when it was their turn to perform.
They won’t remember that your floors were dirty with watery footprints and sand, they will remember running with reckless abandon through the ice-cold sprinkler in the heat of the day and squishing the sand between their toes in the sandbox.
They won’t remember the hours of overtime put in to save for a holiday, they will remember the amazing family vacation where their laughter floated on the summer breeze.
They won’t remember the me-time you took away from the family to feel like yourself again, they will remember the happy Mom who returned with a revived spirit.
They won’t remember the days you couldn’t get away from your responsibilities to attend their school field trips, they will remember the school events you did make it to.
And they most likely won’t remember the expensive toy you caved in and bought after weeks of their insistent begging, but rather the refrigerator box you magically transformed into a space ship.
They will remember family dinners around home-cooked meals, and family dinners around take-out.
They will remember:
~your strong spirit
~your perseverance
~your loving embrace
~your encouraging words
~your tenacity
~your compassion
~your smile
~your laughter
~your soft heart
Sometimes us Moms need to give ourselves a break, and focus on the areas we excel, rather than the areas we lack.
Because our children will remember all the brilliance, magic, and good that lived within those precious childhood years.
In the words of a favourite artist Mindy Gledhill…
Women, we are too hard on ourselves my friends! As a photographer, I am acutely aware of this fact. You see I photograph families. I am beyond excited when I capture an image that portrays the love that lives within the everyday. The kind of natural exchange of love that lies within a look, a gentle swipe of hair off the brow, an embrace, a shared laugh with locked eyes. I share this lovey dovey image with my client and she tells me she doesn’t care for it because her thighs look big, or her arms look chubby, or her stomach looks saggy, etc. Rather than focusing on the love, she focusses on her physical body.
I understand it all too well. There was a time in my life, more predominately when I was at my heaviest, when I refused to be photographed. I saw a camera and I ran for the hills. If forced into a photo, I opted for the “Gopher” pose. You know the old hide-behind-everyone-in-the-back-row-and-poke-your-head-up look. Looking back on it, I now realize I took years of printed memories away from my children.
I had a revelation the other day while I was trying in vain to fall asleep. A memory popped into my mind from a few years ago that happened while I was visiting my little sister Brenda. We woke up on a lazy Saturday morning. Brenda and I poured our coffees and sat in the filtered sun surrounded by our children who were in their glory to wake up and play together. The girls were playing dress up and skipping around the house filling the room with laughter. My son Lucas was composing his very own piece of music on the piano while my other son Ty laid on the floor playing with his iPod. Brenda’s daughter banged her chin on the ground and ran to the reassuring arm’s of her Mom so she could be inspected for injuries.
Click….
Click…
Click…
As Brenda talked to my Dad on the phone, my niece ran over to me and asked for an airplane ride. I laid down the camera, and my shutter-bug son Lucas picked it up.
Click…
The reason I have this memory is because of these photographs. Had this moment not been captured, I would have never remembered this hour of everyday life. Through time, this seemingly insignificant everyday life moment has transformed into an extremely significant memory that tugs at my heart-strings every time I look at it.
Here’s a weird fact: If I see something I want to remember and I don’t have a camera, I hold up my hand to where a camera should be and click the air with my right index finger. Yes, it’s weird but I swear it forces the image into my mind.
Moms: our children don’t look at our physical body. They just love their Mom. They see our spirit, our heart, our love…not our body. I think about how I love my own children, purely, wildly, and with all that I have. It has nothing to do with aesthetics, yet I hold so many judgements when it comes to my body.
Those self-deprecating thoughts that play in our mind about our body are damaging, not just to ourselves, but to those who love us. Can you imagine saying any of those things to a loved one? Imagine telling your sister, or your mother, or your girlfriend, or your child: “Great family photo, but your arms look huge.” Yet, we accept this as our own truth. What does that say to our children? What are they learning from us?
My sister Janice is unable to walk without support because of MS. Can you imagine if I said to her “I hate my jiggly thighs.” The thought of it makes me cringe.
To all you Women out there…
Appreciate your bodies. Your legs allow you to walk/run/dance, your arms allow you to embrace, your smile lights up a room and exudes warmth and joy.
Be good to yourself, children are listening, watching, and learning from you.
You are not defined by your physical body, it’s a part of who you are as a whole but it’s merely the vehicle for the spirit.
Let’s stop trying to be something that we are not but rather shift our focus to all that we are!
We can blame the media for our focus on the physical, but we buy into it. To change it, we need to take responsibility for feeding our insecurities.
What would be so wrong with loving ourselves the way our loved ones do? The person we are as a whole. The generosity we show, the love we give, the energy we put into making the world a little brighter. The raising of spirited little children into confident self-assured adults.
When you wake up in the morning, be proud of the person you see in the reflection of the mirror.
You are beautiful.
You are amazing.
You are loved.
You are different!
Just be you with confidence and pride.
Treat yourself with the same level of love and respect as you treat those you love most.
And the next time someone asks to take your photo, remember that photo will produce a memory. Your loved ones need those.
It’s been a couple of weeks since I ran. You see I’ve been “meaning to”, but good intentions mean nothing if you don’t actually lace up the runners. It’s like telling a friend you “meant” to phone them, but you didn’t because you were pinning crafts you will never actually craft on Pinterest.
Anywhoooo, As I was running I was wondering why I haven’t hit the trails in a while, and after much thought I had a EUREKA! moment.
I’ve put off running because my mind told me I need to lose these extra 10 pounds I’ve put on.
You would think that if my head said I should lose them, that would translate into the urge to run it off. For me, It has the opposite effect.
What it does is put pressure on me and it panics me a little. Which spirals into NOT wanting to run, making a few bad food choices, which turns into more bad food choices, which turns into beating myself up, to pass me the chocolate, which leads to a chocolate face sportin’ a pout on the couch.
Here is the key to maintaining my healthy weight
(which for me is a weight that I can maintain and still enjoy chocolate and a martini with good friends).
The key to maintaining is that my goal is to be fit and healthy.
~the will to exercise attaches to the desire to clear my mind of stress and improve health by building endurance and muscle. For the good of my mind, it has nothing to do with burning calories so I can lose pounds. Exercise makes me feel alive. I feel like Chuck Norris after a good workout, mixed with a dash of Angela Lansbury circa Murder She Wrote.
~the desire to eat healthy foods and drink lots of water produces understanding that these foods are what fuel my energy levels. Healthy foods
+ lots of water = energy, less sick days, and the added bonus of good skin.
~Balance in life is important. Enjoy the beautiful parts of life. Positive out, positive in. Live life with gratitude and a thankful heart. And above all, always give more than you take.
When I combine these factors: Exercise + Healthy Foods + A Grateful Heart: it’s a recipe for Success!
Onto the next part of the formula…Define success?
If I were to measure success by the number on a scale, I would feel like I’m failing! Especially when I add weight training to my exercise routine. Muscle weighs more than fat.
It’s the way I think about things that make me feel successful.
I will give you two scenarios to explain it, because this thought process eluded me for years!
Scenario 1: I weigh myself in the morning. I am up 2 pounds from the last time I weighed. Shit balls. Time to work out. Go for a run thinking about the stupid 2 pound gain the entire run. Return home. Drink water. Think about all the foods I want to eat but can’t eat because I’m chubby-chubberson…insert more self-deprecating talk here. Eat a salad with no dressing. Get hungry. Sport my angry eyes. Air punch something. Spend the day thinking about the chocolate bar I’ve hidden in the top shelf of the pantry. Stop taunting me Reece’s peanut butter cup. Time for supper. What can I eat with the least amount of calories? I choose more salad. Put the kids to bed and the Reese’s peanut butter cup comes alive in the pantry, screaming at me “Hey Chrissy, I’m a cup of sunshine”. Go eat it and return to the pantry to find more snacks. Nothing looks good. Walk away. Return to the pantry with lowered expectations. Eat a bag of butter flavoured mini-rice cakes. Go to bed feeling like a loser with no will power. Will do better tomorrow.
Scenario 2: Wake up and feel off. Why? Realize I have missed part of the maintaining equation. Mood and energy is down, lace up my runners. Run in the sunshine focusing on gratitude simply for the gift that I am able to run. See a goose on the trail, run large circle around it while I scream a bit as it hisses at me. Thank you goose for improving my running time. Return home feeling like a million bucks. I’m awesome. Drink water. I’m hungry and the fridge is full of fruits, and veggies and left over chicken. Perfect foods to give me even more energy. Drink more water. Feel productive and alive. Turn up music and dance like an idiot around my house. Kids roll their eyes. Try to force a son-mom dance…it’s like dancing with a mannequin. Plan supper, going to roast some veggies with olive oil, seasoned just right with a side of fish and dash of love (I’m corny that way). Eat until I’m full, it feels good to fuel my body with the right foods. Drink more water. Feeling successful and full of joy and pride, I pat myself on the back. Watch Modern Family on the boob tube and choke on my water as I laugh. Life is good, today was great.
See the difference?! The key to success lies within the mind. That’s great news! I have lived both sides of those scenarios, and life is just a whole lot more fun in scenario #2. I believe I have also given you a glimpse into my weird mind.
I will leave you with some iPhone photo moments, taken when I stopped to enjoy the sunsets and to smell the flowers. 🙂
And a video that my friend Clint shared with me today that brought a smile to my face.
Many of you have supported my Father’s journey as he’s been fighting Prostate cancer. You have no idea how much your well wishes, thoughts, prayers, and support means to my Dad.
You see my Dad is the most social person I have ever met. His smile lights up a room, and he loves to meet new people. In fact where ever we go, most often than not he runs into someone he knows. This happens in the most obscure and remote areas. I can only assume it is his mission to talk to every human he comes into contact with.
His heart is so generous. He would give you the shirt off his back, and he would even buy you an extra one. The very thing that drives him forward in life is to help others with words of kindness, gestures big and small, and the gift of his accepting heart.
He makes me proud of him daily. My heart also breaks for him daily as he struggles with his health.
Cancer has taken little pieces away from my Dad that are a part of who he is as a man. It has invaded parts of his pride, dignity, joy, energy, and health. However, cancer has not succeeded in taking away any part of his Faith nor his Hope. If anything, it has allowed his Faith and Hope to grow and by sharing his story, he has supported and uplifted others who share and understand this fight.
Here’s the thing, talk ing about cancer is uncomfortable. It’s ugly. But how can we not talk about it? I don’t know many people who aren’t touched by cancer in some way. But what if we didn’t talk about it? What if we kept all talk of cancer behind closed doors because it’s too personal to talk about? How will we ever hope to find a cure if we don’t do something? How would we raise awareness?
But I have to share something that cancer has given us as a family. This ugly disease has brought our family closer. It’s taught us to appreciate the gift of health, because it is indeed a gift. It’s taught us to value life, cherish those we love, tell our loved ones how much they mean to us, laugh a little more, and complain a lot less. And don’t sweat the small stuff!
I know I’ve shared photos of my Dad before, but here’s a little video featuring my soft-hearted Dad.
On June 15th, 2012 I will once again be joining Team Hope in the Leduc Relay for Life as a way to fight back.
Team Hope, last year (2011)
From 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. we will be walking the track in honour of my Dad, in memory of my Aunt Lorraine and my friend Chris, and in honour/memory of my team mate’s loved ones. If you would like to join the fight by making a donation, please click:
All donations big and small make a difference! The Canadian Cancer Society advance in their research towards finding a cure each year with the help of your donations. You can make a difference. No one can take away our hope. Let’s join together to fight this fight. If we don’t come together to make a difference, who will?
I will leave you with a photo of my Dad taken on Easter Sunday. Awww, he’s so cute.
All you have to do is say that phrase out loud and every one has an opinion. You may be totally against it, you may be all for it, or you may be indifferent. Either way, the opinions are usually strong on this topic.
Since the topic of Tummy Tucks has come up many times in random conversations: here’s my take on it. My opinion comes from personal experience and a LOT of thought.
Last year I posted THIS post. You may think that what I’m about to share contradicts that post, but I assure you that in my heart-of-hearts…it does not.
The journey to lose just shy of 100 pounds was a long one. It took a lot of work, sweat, and retraining of my mind. I spent years trapped in a body that I thought I could do nothing to change because I simply didn’t know how to. I wasn’t overweight because I was lazy, as is often the stereotype of overweight people (I will save that for another post).
Back when I was my heaviest, I was positive that once I got to my goal weight, life would be full of butterflies, peaches, lollipops, and perhaps rainbows would shoot out my toned tush. Then I got there…and wouldn’t you know it, that wasn’t the case. I know, shocking right?! Ok, I was not only miserable at my heaviest, but also delusional. 😉
The day came when I reached my goal weight. I was faithfully doing cardio 6 days a week, and weights 3 days a week. But guess what happened when I lost almost 100 pounds and had 3 kids as well? I was left with extra skin that no amount of exercise or weight training would erase. Especially in my abdomen region. Sit ups couldn’t change that. Believe me, I tried.
I just wanted to feel like myself again. I wanted to see the results of the work that I put in. Seven years ago I told myself that I would get a tummy tuck and after visiting a plastic surgeon 5 years ago and hearing the amount of recovery that was involved in getting a full tummy tuck, I decided it wasn’t for me.
And then I thought about it…
For 5 years…
And within those years, I did sit ups, cardio, kick-boxing, planks, mountain-climbers, the bicycle…anything and everything that targets the mid-section.
All for no change to my lower tummy region.
Long story short, I went back for a consult once again last November and we discussed an alternative. A mini-tummy tuck. The surgery is less invasive and the recovery time is less, because the excess skin is removed from the bottom portion of the tummy only.
Three weeks ago today, I went for my mini tummy tuck.
I’m happy with my decision. It was the right choice for me. I’m not going to lie, the first couple of weeks were more painful than I anticipated because the scar I now sport travels hip-to-hip. This week however, I feel fantastic. I even got in a slow 5K run yesterday. 🙂 This is not my “quick fix”. I now need to put the work in to see results. This mini tuck removed skin, it didn’t build muscle.
I’m looking forward to actually seeing the results of the work I put in now that I’ve had my mini-tuck.
I know not everyone will understand nor will they agree with my decision, and that’s OK. If you don’t believe in plastic surgery, than just don’t get any. 😉 But please know that I understand this choice because I’ve walked these miles in my very own sneakers and I’m happy with the decision that I’ve spent 7 years thinking about.
And on the topic of “You share too much”, I’m OK with that too. The reason I’m OK with it is because every time I’ve posted something that wasn’t comfortable to share, I receive e-mails and comments from others who understands and/or needs support as well. Positive out, positive in…it works.
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to message me: cjhop [at] telus [dot] net. I’m happy to share!
Today I had the dreaded task of taking my daughter in for her booster shots. She has a major needle phobia (don’t we all to some degree), so I put off this task as long as I could.
As we were sitting in the waiting room a family of four joined us; a Mom, a Dad and their two gorgeous little boys who I would guess are 3 and 1.
My son, daughter, and I sat across from them. The baby boy was making flirty eyes at my kids, and smiling from ear to ear. He was so full of happy, in fact, he was 100% happy. . I immediately wanted to photograph him. 😉 My first thought was “This family is so blessed.”
As my family smiled and made scrunchy weird faces back at this adorable chunky-monkey baby boy, I noticed how Mom was completely wrapped up in stress. She didn’t notice her surroundings, she had checked out. She ignored her partner who commented under his breath that she had put their son’s shirt on backwards. She grunted back at him while playing with her iPhone. Their older son ran circles around them, 100% full of energy and she ignored each question he asked her. Between smiles directed at us, her chubby-cheeked baby smiled up at her while tightly grasping her hand. Both of their boys were well-behaved and full of life yet with each passing moment, the stress she clearly wore on her face and within her body language grew. She continued playing with her phone while letting out long breaths full of annoyance while balancing her happy baby on her knee. The health care nurse called out their son’s name and pronounced it wrong. The Mom looked to Dad and with anger in her voice, she corrected the pronunciation of his name, and barked at her son to come along as they followed the nurse.
Now I know what you *may* be thinking… Did I judge her for checking out when she was surrounded by what I perceived as an amazing life?
Hell No.
In fact, this is what I was thinking and if she wouldn’t have thought I was a complete nut bar I would have said it to her…
Dear Beautiful Mom:
I understand you.
I was you and I am you.
Your kids are young, and their needs overwhelm you.
You are trying to etch out moments for yourself in the midst of chaos which you are never fully prepared for with your first, and it continues to take you by surprise with the next.
You definitely have moments when the reality of your beautiful life bites you straight in your heart, but there are also many moments of stressful everyday life when you..
just.
check.
out.
It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t do anything and everything for your kids.
You are simply over loaded with the demands of keeping a busy family together…so they are fed, well-behaved, clothed, loved, entertained, adjusted, and happy.
You are strong and the pressure to be that “perfect” mom weighs on your shoulders when you simply want to take a shower in peace and quiet. Or maybe even a bath.
You feel guilty at night after the kids are safely tucked away in the warmth of their beds, and you will remind yourself of all the things you’ve done wrong as a Mom.
You will promise yourself that tomorrow you will do better.
If it would make a difference to your life and lighten the load on your mind today, I would tell you that these kids will grow up too fast and you will forget how much they weighed at this very checkup you are at today. In the not-so-distant future you will close your eyes to try to conjure up a vivid memory of the very chubby baby smile that he is so freely giving away to my family now.
But I can’t tell you that now, because you won’t understand it until you go through it. Just as I too check out and will try so hard to remember this very stage that MY kids are in now. The way my daughter mispronounces words and gets her B’s and D’s mixed up when she’s reading. The way my middle son runs around the house in nothing but his tighty whities and a smile on Sunday mornings and plays with his lego on the stairs. The way my oldest son sits at the kitchen table just as I’m ready for bed and eats almost an entire box of cereal while talking to me between huge mouth fulls.
I do know this. The memories that I hold dearest to my heart and the ones that are the most vivid of my childhood with my Mom are good ones. I cherish all the good. I now know that aside from being my Mom she was also a woman with needs of her own, although with 6 girls there was little time for those needs. The years I remember her going to work at the business she developed from the ground up taught me to be independent. My Mom validated my dream of starting my business. She showed me by example that I could do it. All the responsibilities she dealt down to me and my sisters enabled us to be hard-working and responsible. For that, I am thankful.
Yes, I am thankful for the very things I’m sure my Mom harbours guilt over. I found value within her struggle and now as I try my very best to raise my own family…I realize that she simply did her best as a Mom to 6.
My mom and her 6 girls
So yes, there are days when us Moms check out and lose sight of how truly blessed we are even when the world around us stares in awe of our little miracles. But there are also days when we understand more than anyone what it is to love someone so much that we would do anything for them and we do exactly that. We love, cherish, give, support, uplift, teach, learn, grow as they grow, and devote our lives to these little miracles.
To the Mom I saw today, there are no judgments here. I get you and I thank you for the reminder today because I too had checked out at that moment.
The role of Mom is hard enough, lets give one another the gift of understanding and support. Heres to you Moms.
Over the years, each one of my 3 kids have come home with hurt feelings from some sort of school yard incident. My daughter is the youngest, and I find cruel words are more prevalent among girls. I tell her it will all be OK, just continue to be who she is, and don’t worry about what others think of her. She’s perfect as is.
I realize this is easier said then done. I work from home, so it’s not very often I actually dress professionally when I’m editing photos alone in the comfort of my office (think yoga pants and baggy well-worn t-shirts I refuse to give up). Today I managed to get up early and I actually did my hair, makeup, and dressed like I was going to work where *gasp* I would see other people. Three O’Clock snuck up on me, and I quickly put on my favourite pair of brown heeled boots and ran out the door to pick up my kids from school.
You see, I love these brown boots. I feel confident when I walk in them, but since I’m usually at home I don’t wear them often.
I felt good getting ready for the day, so I suppose I did walk to school with a bit more zest in my step. As I waited at the doors of my daughter’s school for the bell to ring, I noticed two Mom’s talking quietly beside me. They looked over at me, and then continued whispering. I felt like they were talking about me, but told myself that was ridiculous, what could they possibly have to say as I was just standing there minding my business.
As they walked by me, the one Mom said to the other Mom loud enough so I could hear them “I didn’t know it was wear-your-stripper-boots-to-school day”. The other Mom looked down at my boots and giggled as they walked away.
I just stood there stunned with my mouth open, staring at my much-loved boots. “These aren’t stripper boots” I mouthed. And then I felt stupid… just. for. one. second. The anger quickly set in, and in that moment of anger I wished I had something witty to say back.
It wasn’t until I got home that the patronizing words I tell my daughter rang in my mind…”Just be yourself, don’t worry what anyone else thinks about you.” The thoughts I had a few moments before in the “school yard” also replayed in my mind and I pictured myself saying to my daughter “Be confident, but not too confident or other women will think you are stuck up. Be happy, but not too happy or other women will think you are annoying. Be kind, but not too kind or other women will question your motives. Be proud, but not too proud or other women will think you are vain. Work hard to be successful, but not too successful or other women will be threatened by you.”
Bull Shit.
To all you women out there, I learned something today and it’s also raised more questions in my mind. Perhaps you can share some of your wise insights with me. Please feel free to comment on this topic!
Why can’t women support other women? Forgive me for generalizing because this certainly isn’t the case for the women I am so thankful to have as friends. I’ve met some incredibly supportive women. I’m just questioning the times in our lives when we are cut down by other women. Those times when catty comments filled with judgments and misunderstanding are delivered when one just needs support, kindness, and understanding.
There’s many distorted messages in the media that influence women in a negative way regarding how we should look, how we should dress, what our role in society should be…and yet, rather than women supporting and uplifting other women, there are times like the one I just experienced that places us right back into the school yard full of insecurities.
So this is what I learned today:
Do not make assumptions about another person based on their outside appearance. We are all just people. All deserving of respect and kindness. If a judgment pops up in my mind about another person I’m going to take some time to evaluate WHY I feel that way…because it’s more about my own insecurities. It truly isn’t about them.
Kindness is important.
Positivity is important.
It’s OK to walk with your head held high. There was a time not so long ago when I walked with my head down. I refuse to go back there.
I will continue to support, uplift, encourage and genuinely appreciate the women I meet in life. It DOES make a difference.
Positive out, Positive in. You receive exactly what you give. I’ve never been so sure of this fact in all of my life than I am now.
I will accept and love those who I do not understand.
I will not hide my strengths because of another’s weaknesses. There is nothing wrong with loving who you are. I was trapped in self-loathing for much of my adult life. It’s not a fun place to be.
There is nothing better than watching a friend succeed. Successful, independent, confident women motivate and inspire me. Thank you to each wildly imaginative, accepting, successful, caring and kind woman whom I have had the pleasure to meet. You make me a better person.
Tomorrow I will walk with my head held high back to school, and I may even try to find higher heels to walk in. Who am I kidding, I would twist an ankle. My doctor once prescribed me high-tops for my weak ankles. Sadly, this is a true story. But a smile will still be on my face. 🙂
Many of you have followed my Dad’s progress as he fights prostate cancer. Posts about his battle can be found HERE and HERE.
Last week my Dad called to update me on his latest appointment at the Cross Cancer. This was his first checkup since his extensive round of Radiation.
The results show he still has cancer. His levels are a bit higher than when he started Radiation treatment.
He can’t go for anymore Radiation, and he’s already had the surgery. They are going to monitor his levels, and will discuss further options such as hormone treatment.
Dad gave me permission to post this, as he would love some prayers.
My Dad with a few of his Granddaughters, Christmas 2011
I will leave you with my Dad’s words after he shared his break-our-hearts news:
It certainly wasn’t the news I was hoping for. I had a pity party on the drive home until I stopped in Vegreville and saw an elderly couple that needed help loading their groceries. I felt much better after I helped them.
My Dad has always reminded me of Johnny Cash…the man in black with a heart of gold. I love you Dad.
Reclaiming LIFE 